More Of A Statement Here

11 Replies
sarita - April 1

Ok so this is just my personal opinion here.... I was kind of offended at the post where a woman was bashed for not having the mother gene. Some of us have it...some of us dont. I hate to say this but it is mostly women who have educations, careers, and active lifestyles that really have no desire to become parents. And when they do become parents, that maternal thing doesnt just KICK in all the time. It is not a charectar flaw. It is not bad. I don't fault anyone for this. So you aren't mother of the year....SO? If you take care of your kids or at least put them in an environment where they get the emotional and physical attention they need, you are golden in my book. If you have it in you to do all the "mom" things great...if you dont, pay someone to do it. I love my daughter to death, but I can't say I felt that way at first. She was more like the elephant in the room. I am hoping with the second child it will come more naturally...but who knows. I just hope noone is beating themselves up out there because they don't feel an automatic connection to their children or the need to procreate.

 

SugarPie - April 1

I haven't seen the post you're referring to, but I think that most women should take notice that the "maternal instinct" doesn't kick in for many many many women. Hence why they actually have child development programmes to help women make the transition prior to birth and after birth and learn the instincts. In addition, the hormonal changes that takes place during and after birth often impede women to immediately feel "motherly". The chemical changes dampen this for some women. And yet they're chastised from the gates. If I recall the authour Naomi Wolfe had this issue. It would behoove a lot of women to read "child of mine" it's a compilation of amazing essays written by prolific women authours. Reading the book changed my life and I'm sure will change others. Perhaps we need to recall the mantra of women long ago: "It takes a village to raise a child." Much love***

 

Sarita Sanders - April 1

Thanks for the response and support. I will look up the book. It is nice to know that none of us are alone in our feelings and situations. This forum is wonderful and I sincerly thank all of ya'll for your thoughts, feelings, resources, and posts. You have no idea how much these threads help. Take care and God Bless!

 

Heidi - April 1

I respect what you say totally, but in my situation, I don't have a college education, nor a big career or real active lifestyle, but I do have a great job that pays very well and has great hours! But I don't think this is why I didn't want to have children. I think with some of us, or at least myself, I was the youngest of seven kids. So I was the baby and still am at age 30. I guess I always liked the attention and never considered having a child or wanted the responsibility. But then I met my fiance who has a daughter who comes in the summer. I loved having her around. I realized that I did have it in me to be the mothering type. I just never gave it a chance. I just liked spoiling myself! I'm still leery about the whole infant thing. I was never a big "baby" person. I never wanted to hold other people's children. I liked them when they got to be around 3 years old, so this will be a major transition for me but I think I'm capable of the adjustment and I hope I just LOVE being a new mom. I feel guilty about not being excited about it yet. I'm only 11 wks along. I guess I won't know until it happens. I know that sounds dumb, but it's the truth. My fiance loves babies so I'm sure I will too with a little time and patience!

 

JLorenzo - April 1

My two cents (whether or not you want to hear it) is that I think this is a scary adventure for everyone. My wife is a career minded women who never considered kids until we fell in love and got married. I have been really concerned since we got pregnant in August of not only my abilities to be a good parent, but hers as well. And I have resigned myself to the fact that we won't truly know until the baby arrives. But we both have come a long way through the pregnancy. We love our baby even though she isn't born yet and know we can do the job. But it is very scary thinking to myself, "next month I will be a parent. Forever."

 

BeenThere - April 1

I was 20 years old when I had my first child, my daughter. For the first year of her life, my mother raised her. She moved in with me to help me with my 'new baby' and I let her take over. I think I wanted her to take over, because I just didn't feel a strong bond with my daughter, in spite of my efforts. And to cope with that, I went out and partied every chance I got. My mom finally moved out about a week before her first birthday, and then I was forced to take care of her and to get to know her. I am glad that my mom did what she did. It was good for both me and my daughter. When -I got pregnant with my son at the age of 22, I contemplated abortion very seriously because I really didn't think I could handle/deal with another child. Boy, am I glad I didn't get that abortion. See, with my daughter I had actually given her up for adoption for two days (her father abandoned me a week after I showed him the slip of paper from the doctor's office stating that I was pregnant). Those two days were THE worst I've ever had to endure. But after all the drama wore off and I was faced with the reality of raising her all on my own, I really started to wonder if I'd done the right thing by getting her back. I struggled with that for almost 12 months of her life. Now she is 15 years old and growing up to be quite a young lady. My son is 2 years behind her and quite the 'little man' himself. I can say for a fact, that by having my 2nd child, my son, I finally grew up and took responsibility for both of my children, as well as for myself. I'm not gonna lie, and say it's been easy. It hasn't. But trust me, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I am even desiring at this point in my life to have just one more child. But I am thinking real hard about that one. I want to make SURE that is what I want. It makes it a little easier to decide right now, because I am in the beginning stages of a new relationship. But if the time comes, and it gets real serious and we get married or whatever, then hopefully we can decide that together. I know this is long, but I just had to share my experience. I hope it helps someone/anyone who reads it.

 

nancy - April 1

there it goes jlorenzo again

 

lola - April 1

youknow.. ive also noticed jlorenzo is dominating each thread. its kinda annoying. isnt there a guys question and answer category?

 

La Rae - April 2

Why is it okay for everyone else to give their opinion - and NOT JLorenzo? What exactly is it that you have against this man? It almost sounds like the ones that have it 'in' for him are 'Jealous' of him. Do they have a 'Sigmond Freud' section in this pregnancy forum? Sounds like some people here have major 'Insecurity' issues going on....

 

MARI - April 2

I WAS ALSO NOT THE "MOTHERY" TYPE, DIDNT LIKE HOLDING BABIES CUZ I THOUGHT I WOULD DROP THEM OR SOMETHING AND SO I KEPT MY DISTANCE, DURING MY PREGNANCY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE I WAS GOING TO BE A MOTHER. AS DAYS WENT BY IT FELT LIKE NOTHING WAS REALLY GOING ON, EXCEPT MY STOMACH KEPT GETTING BIGGER BUT I DIDNT FEEL ANY DIFFERENT. EVEN WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN, I DIDNT CRY LIKE MY OTHER FRIENDS DID OR WAS I ANXIOUS TO HOLD HER, AND THAT IS HOW I WAS FOR THE FIRST MONTH. MY MOM WOULD ASK ME HOW COME I DIDNT LOOK HAPPY WITH HER, OR HOW COME I DIDNT BAYB TALK TO HER, ITS CUZ I REALLY WASNT HAPPY NOR DID I FEEL LIKE BABY TALKING TO HER, AT FIRST I WAS ANNOYED BY HER CUZ SHE CRIED ALL THE TIME. I WANTED TO JUST GET OVER THIS HAVING A BABY THING AND GO OUT AND PARTY LIKE I DID B4. BUT NOW IT THINK THE MATERNAL INSTINCT HAS KICKED IN, THOUGH SHE IS JUST 2 MO. 1/2, I BABY TALK TO HER, I JUST LOVE HER SOOO MUCH AND AM VERY "MOTHERY". NOW I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE A MOMMY AND IM JUST SOOOO GLAD I HAD HER. WELL MY POINT IS THAT ITS TRUE, TO SOME WOMAN THE MOTHERY INSTINCT IN DOESNT KICK IN RIGHT AWAY.

 

SugarPie - April 2

Let me preface by saying that I really don't want to get into it with anyone.. I just don't understand where the backlash is coming from against J-Lorenzo. Perhaps looking at him as a resource for the male perspective might be a better att_tude? Also, I always hear (outside of this board) how it would be nice for men to participate and be more available, blah blah blah.. and here we have a man who is doing that and he's getting backlash all the way from being called gay, to lord knows what else. Mixed signals we are the epitome of, Ladies. Quite frankly, I think his wife is so blessed that her husband is being attentive to her needs and the needs of their child. For a man to be so concerned as to put his "masculinity" on the shelf and talk about everything from rashes, diarrhea, b___st soreness and uterine contractions rather than being self-absorbed and only being interested in the next new technological toy he can acquire... well, hot d__n! His wife has hit the jackpot. I'm lucky in that my s.o. will read the board and see women's response in addition, aid in all of the pains and aches I'm going through right now, but for him to participate in a chat?! Don't hate the player, hate the game, Ladies. Much love***

 

toes - April 2

Lola, if you know of a guys question and answer forum, lemme know. It kinda tells you something abt our society that there aren't enuff expectant\new fathers to fill up a forum online that'd be available ALL OVER THE WORLD. I logged on here to find out questions abt s_x, as most guys do I'm sure, but've really gotten involved in some of the other aspects of the whole pregnancy thing too. I'd think you'd welcome a guy's take on these issues. This place is for ADVICE, right? What good is advice is if it's all coming from the half or our population that all feel generally the same abt this topic? That having been said, after our babies are born I'm getting the feeling that the guys go away while the women stay, so just suffer us for awhile--we have questions we want answers to also.

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?