My Dad Reacting Badly

76 Replies
Bobbi - November 24

My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship, he is very old fashioned, and even when i was very young, he made me feel like I was a s___t, when i was the complete opposite. I am 20 now, and I am pregnant. My mom told him about three weeks ago, and now he wont talk to me, and refuses to accept that im pregnant. He ignores me completely. This is not the first time he has ingored me (once we went a year without talking, and we live in the same house) but this time it really hurts, because I am very happy about the baby and I want him to be involved. Do you think that I should break the silence and try and talk to him, or just let it be and he might come around?

 

J - November 24

unfortunatly you can't MAKE your dad talk to you or accept the situation. But you can do all that you can to connect with him. Let him know that you understand how he feels and that you know that he is hurt by the situation and how much you love him. Always let him know that you will continue to love him and hope that he will be able to forgive you someday and be a part of this babys life. It may take a while, maybe not even until the baby is born, but he will come around some day. Just don't hate him and make sure that you keep trying to keep communication open. I'm sure that if not before, once he holds his little grandbaby he wont stay mad at you forever. Good luck.

 

Bobbi - November 24

Thank you. I could never hate my dad. I just wish he could try and understand that I have never gone against him purposely.

 

CC - November 24

Bobbi, are you unmarried and living with your parents? If he is old fashioned, he may be upset because you are still very young. By no means too young to have a child, but for a parent who is old fashioned it may be hard to take under certain circ_mstances.

 

Bobbi - November 24

Yes I am unmarried and living at home. I know it is hard for him and I do respect that. It just hurts me that he thinks pushing me away is going to help. He has been doing this for several years and it really puts huge barriers between us. I am only 8 weeks pregnant and this baby means everything to me; I just wish he would show me that I mean something to him:( Im sorry for going on like this, I just dont really have people to talk to about this.

 

Mal - November 24

Hi Bobbi! I have a similar situation to you. I am also 20 and 35 wks pregnant. My husband and I got married at the beginning of 2005. My dad and I used to be best friends. I could talk to him about anything. I moved out when I was 18 and he got me my own apartment ( a little spoiled, I know). I was in college and would talk to him on the phone about 4-5 times a day. We had a great relationship. But, I chose to be with my husband, and he didn't approve. (my dad is a baptist and almost 76, so a little old fashioned too). He always says he has "lost" me....I guess he means to my husband....but I just a__sure him that I love him just as much as ever.....we are not as close now, but he has a special place in my heart, and I won't forget everything he's done for me. Well, the baby is almost here, and we hadn't talked for awhile until the other day, he stopped by. Our realtionship is nothing like it was. I still love my dad alot, but I am just putting my baby first and trying to make the best out of the situation. Good luck to you, and talk to your dad! Don't ignore him too like I did at first.....he will come around....

 

Regan - November 24

Bobbi, don't forget that someone from his generation does not usually accept women who get pregnant out of wedlock at your age. I have a daughter who's not much younger than you and one on the way, and I would be devastated if she got pregnant that way. When you have a child, especially a girl, you hope for the best, a good education, fine husband, and then grandchildren. I know it's not always possible, but try to see his side of things. It usually takes two to tango, and if you're pregnant at 20 and living under his roof there's got to be more to this story. Where is the father in all of this?

 

anita - November 24

Bobbi, if you just told him 3 wks ago, then this is all still new to him and it may just take a little time for him to accept. Just give him a little time and hopefully he'll come around. It will probably be hard for him to continue ignoreing you while your belly's getting bigger, especially with the two of you living in the same house. i definately think you should try to talk to him and i'm sure he'll come around. I'm sure that if you let him know that you didn't mean for this to happen and you're sorry that he's disappointed, but what's done is done and he's about to get a wonderful grandchild out of it. Hopefully , he comes around soon. after all, you are his little girl and you're having his grandchild. Best wishes, congrats on your pregnancy and Happy Thanksgiving.

 

Bobbi - November 24

The father is my boyfriend. We are together, but I am staying at home for now, so I can keep saving money until the baby comes. I know a parent always wants what's best for their child, but it is not like I completely went against everything he taught me. I know im young, but I have gone through college, I have a good job and I would like to think that I am a good person. I feel like that means nothing to him.

 

Lisa - November 24

He probably had other ideas for you first; before getting pregnant. If he's older they probably involved you getting married; buying a house then getting pregnant. Most parents want that for their children really. Give him time, he will get through this. Don't give up yet.

 

Bobbi - November 24

Thank you guys for all your support. My dad is not old. He is 41 and im 20. To be honest with you, I don't really know what my dad wants for me. In all these years we have never just sat down and talked about that.

 

To Bobbie - November 25

You may not know what he's wanted for you, but I can a__sure you it wasn't to get pregnant out of wedlock and live at home at his expense so that you can save money. I don't know why people a__sume that parents should be a means to anything after a certain age. Thinking that was is selfish and immature. And someone 41 certainly does not have the same views as your generation. While it may not be "old" I doubt he's happy with all of this. I feel bad for parents when their kids get themselves in trouble and then expect all kinds of support. If you are so self-sufficient and mature, you wouldn't be running back home, unmarried and pregnant, causing all this pain and shame to your family.

 

Bobbi - November 25

Excuse me. I dont think there is any reason for you to cut me down at all. I was asking people for advice about something that was bothering me. I dont need you telling me that I am selfish. I did not "run" home. My mom asked me to stay for a few more months, so I am. As for you saying I am causing pain and shame; Im having a baby. That is not shameful. If you think it is, you are probably hanging out in the wrong forum.

 

Stephanie - November 25

These days, I don't think getting pregnant out of wedlock is shameful. One of my best friends just had her first baby on Monday and she's not married, her boyfriend was with her the whole time! Bobbi, give your father some time to adjust. He loves you and will love your baby too.

 

To Bobbie - November 25

Well then sit down with your Dad and ask him straight out if he's ashamed. I bet he'll have tears in his eyes. I'm not saying what you did was wrong. You asked for opinions on why he refuses to accept that you're pregnant. Well, he's disappointed. That's for sure, and so would a lot of fathers be. They don't even like to think of us having s_x, imagine s_x without marriage, and then s_x and getting pregnant out of wedlock. I know it's nothing to us, but it's something to him. I don't think time will completely heal this one if he's old fashioned. If he's not, then the post above has a point.

 

Celia - November 25

Bottom line, honey. Your dad is awfully disappointed and if you say the relationship has always been rockey then this is just another disappointing thing you went and did. Maybe you can talk to your guy friend about getting married. Boyfriend can be there the whole time as above said but it's the long run that counts. Also theres nothing shameful about having a baby but there is something shameful about the way its done especially to some people with old traditional values

 

me - November 25

Sorry Bobbie. But you sound like a brat. You go and get yourself pregnant by a boyfriend at 20 and then expect your father who you say yourself is very old fashioned to accept it with a smile. 20 is very young and if you were older and married proper with a husband then you wouldnt be having to go back home. i don't know too many marrieds who go live back home for a few months just because they're pregnant. Maybe after a birth for a couple weeks to get some help, but before??/ It's too bad you didn't grow up before you jumped into somethin yuo weren't ready for. Stop thinking of yourself and leave the poor man alone for a while so he can think. I agree about the shamed part. I believe it sounds as though he ashamed.

 

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