My Daughter Is 13 And Her Boyfriend Is 18

91 Replies
john - April 7

My daughter is 13, and within a few months will be 14. She has been in love with this 18 year old guy from our church for a year and a half now. we have stopped her from seeing him multiple times and threatened the boy with calling the cops once. we know his parents and we have all talked about the situation before. now my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, she wants to keep the baby. What do we do about the 18 year old boy since she is a minor and he is legally an adult?

 

John - April 7

We (me and my wife) know the boy very well, and he knows our family. me and my wife have been opposed to them going out because we belived she needed to grow up. so we forbade her from seeing and communicating with him. her brother and sister who are older don't mind that much that they like eachother, in fact they think they are great together, we have never supported them, but now it seems we don't know what to do. he wants to be part of my daughters life, and the baby's as well. my wife wants to turn him in, however i believe it is out of anger at the moment.

 

Michaela - April 7

Hey John! I'm 15 and my babies father is 18.He wasn't even my boyfriend we knew each other for about a week (I know..that is horrible).Anyways I told my dad I'm keeping the baby no matter what my dad just wants to get him for child support but I don't want to do that.Anyways you both need to realize it is not all his fault, you daughter took part in it also (it takes two to make a baby).You need to realize that and turning him in will make it harder on your daughter, if he wants to be in your daughters life and the babies life them I bow down to him.Very very few boys actually stay with there girlfriends when they get pregnant.Obviously,ya'll didn't try hard enough for them to stop seeing each other, how hard was it? If, you want to turn him in then so be it, but it make a bad impact on your daughter and her baby.Also, when they first started to date why didn't you make them stop being together then, since he is 18 and she is 13.It sounds like ya'll need to be better parents and suuport her with whatever decision she makes.This is a very hard time in her life, she needs your love and support, it is her fault and so is her boyfriends and ya'lls fault also.She needed to spread her legs and he needed to stick his candle in her wax (sorry but I'm fustrated!).Anyways, support her and love her no matter what ya'll are her parents and she needs you both through this. If your going to hate her boyfriend then hate her also because it is just as much as her fault has it is his.Think this through and calm down and talk to your daughter and her boyfriend and his parents!Good Luck!

 

cll - April 8

That is a very difficult situation. By her wanting to keep the baby, you and your wife will be committing to help do A LOT of the raising of this child since your daughter is still just a child. Emotions are running high, but I wouldn't think that turning him in would help anything at all...especially if his family are friends of yours. I think perhaps you should all sit down together (your family, your daughter, the boy, and his family) and talk through everything. You may want to encourage your daughter to visit a teen pregnancy center so they could discuss the responsibility involved (a newborn, while in school, with no job, no social life etc.) and perhaps some of the options of adoption. My cousin found herself in a similar situation when she was 16, and she is raising a beautiful little girl with the help of the baby's father! They ended up getting married and are doing very well. Your daughter is frightened and confused right now and your anger will not change the situation. I will be praying for your family as you go through all of this together. Blessings on you!

 

to john - April 8

call the police...he raped your child!!! thats sick

 

JLorenzo - April 8

From one guy to another, this is a tough situation to be in. At 13, I doubt truly that your daughter knows what a responsibility this will be on her. She is buying into the dream. And at 18, there was no conceivable way I could have ever dated anyone of 13 years. Something isn't right about that, morally. I imagine that the more you try to tell your daughter she can't see him, the more she will want to. It's like you can't win for losing. I am sorry. I wish you the best of luck, and your wife as well. Personally, I am scared to death of having a little girl of my own.

 

PP - April 8

I agree with your wife that the relationship sounds more like child molestation that concenting s_x but the flip side is- burning bridges now may not be the answer. 5 years seems like a lot when its 13 to 18 but when it 27 to 32 it is nothing. I would sleep on it. The statute of limitation gives you time. Next your daughter will need your support more than ever so remember no matter how mad you are make sure she knows you love her. Maybe let her see him but only with supervision. Set ground rules and make her realize she must earn your trust back. I was also a rebelous little girl and sometimes your world has to fall in order to realize what you could lose.

 

B - April 8

Personally I think the deed is done, and turning him in would cause not only family turmoil but a lot of stress on your daughter, and stress is not good for the baby at all. Unfortunately sometimes things like this happen, we can't control everything our kids do. If I were you I would definately let my daughter know she made a big mistake, but if you support her emotionally in this you'll have less of a chance of her turning away from you. You still want her in your life, right? And I am a__suming you want your grandbaby in your life also, even though it has come sooner than you ever expected. Good luck with everything, and remember God only gives us what we can handle!

 

leslie - April 8

my opinion..I think that the situation is hard because they are both very young but you also have to know that they are only 5 years apart. she may realize in the future that she was too young to decide.. just bec. the boy is 18 doesn't mean he is a child molester..I have to tell you that something similar happened to my brother..his girlfriend was 16 and he was 18 they were only 2 years apart! someone put the cops on him and he was charged as child molester!! The girl's family love my brother and they helped him get out of the trouble..but he is still charged as a child molester..this is soo horrible!! ..because anywere he goes..its always going to be on his record.. everyone is always going to see himas achild molester..that I think is so traumatizing!! People is going to judge him only bec. he has a gf 2 years younger than him!! that doesn't mean that he is a pervertive (sp?) he is probably the most responsible guy in my family..he never gets in trouble! he is so quiet and then this. its so ironic..please think about it twice you may be doing more harm instead of solving the problem...just bec.. you are mad. I am going to be 20 and my bf is 30 and I love him so much.. I consider myself mature enough to be with a guy 10 years older than me..also my mom and dad they are 10 years apart and they are still married after 25 years..anyway sorry its so long and sorry if I got a little out of the main situation I just want you to think about it twice...you may hurt your daughter, his family, and himself and the most important thing THE BABY! You should give him the chance to be with his baby..so many fathers don't want the responsability..and he is willing to be there..so just think about it and good Luck!! keep us posted.

 

leslie - April 8

sorry I have to correct myself she was not 16 SHE WAS GOING TO TURN 16 IN WEEKS that is why I say it was ironic.

 

nhb - April 8

I agree with leslie--my husband is 9 years older than me; I wasn't that young when I met him, but I was only 19 . . . we've been together a few years now, and we're doing well. I think that it's probably worth the chance to let the father be a part of the baby's life, even if not for his sake, then for the child's. And if you and your wife want to set rules, I think that's still appropriate--your daughter is still very young to be a mother! I would definitely sleep on it and think a little longer before pressing charges; if he will be a good dad, that's something that your daughter and your grandchild may never forgive/forget . . . Would that be worth it for you?

 

nhb - April 8

I meant, if he does turn out to be a good dad, but you and your wife don't give him the chance, that may not be something they could f/f . . . sorry for not clarifying before.

 

N - April 8

Hi John, you and your wife must be going crazy! After reading all the comments I'm still confused on what advice to give. At the age of 16 I started dating a 23 year old. I hid the relationship from my parents for over a year. Today we are married (almost 4 years) and have a little one on the way!! We been a couple for 8 years now! Looking back on it I know that people thought we were crazy and that he was "sick" for having s_x with me, but now...Look at us! We are still so much in love and the age difference (7 years) doesn't matter to anyone now! I'm not telling you to approve of the relationship or the baby, just trying to give you another viewpoint. Hope all works out. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

erica - April 8

Dear John, I myself got pregnant when I was 13 and my fathers baby was 19. All I can tell you is that you need to be supportive and talk to your daughter. I remember my parents not being supportive and putting my boyfriend in jail. I attempted suicide 4 times. I'm now 29 with a 16, 14, 10, 5 and still with my husband. You need to stop thinking about your image and start thinking about your daughter and your future grandson or grandaughter.

 

too late - April 9

It takes two to tango! plus it's too late now. You have to be supportive she needs strong family support. You better not tell her what choice to make with keeping the baby, because if u say she can't have it or talk her out of it she will hate u and herself and turn into a mess. Forever. Leave the boy alone, you need child support and a positive relationship for the baby. It's the babies dad.

 

dear john........ - April 9

i would have him arrested!!! the girl is 13!!! she cant possibly consent to s_x with a grown man...he is sick for doing it with her....when she is an adult...that is the time to let her decide if she wants him in her life...he molested your little girl...dont let him get away with it...and dont leave this decision up to a 13 year old baby...she will have just as much stress with him in her life...if he sticks around she will be ruined!!! please call the police!!!!!

 

Larissa - April 9

I say your daughter is still a child, he should know better than to be having s_x with a 13 year old, prosecute his b___t, hopefully it will discourage it from happening again.

 

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