My Pregnant 7 Mos Lives 1 100 Miles Away Need Advice

2 Replies
phoges - January 26

She is the love of my life and she knows it. We dated in college for almost 3 years and it ended poorly (my fault). We went our separate ways but kept in touch, albeit loosely. Yet, I carried a torch for her like a tattoo. She was the girl I always wanted other girls I dated to be like, but no one could ever match up. This is not to say that I stalked her or never fully got over her. I just never stopped loving her. Jump 11 years in the future. She was a year out of a 8 year relationship, and I had a one year old son with a woman who I had a very brief relationship with. She lives in Chicago (where I had lived for 5 years, before she moved there), and I live in Maine. She has a fantastic job (which she hates) and great friends (who I love, though few of them are married/mothers, and give terrible advice). I own a small, thriving business (in a field that I am passionate about), and as I stated before, I have a son, who is now 21/2 and awesome. I took a trip to Chicago for a weekend and contacted her a week I left. We made plans for dinner and she even offered her couch if I needed a place to stay. I had no intention of spending all that much time with her, though I never was without her for the duration of my stay, which I extended 2 days longer. She said that she often thought about me often over the years and when I told her about the way I felt about her, she onl smiled and claimed it was magic that we reconnected. Since that weekend (20 months ago), we have been together, and trust me it has not been without it’s bumps. Last winter I spent the entire winter living with her and at the end of that time we agreed that we could make it work. Her plan has always been to move here with me, though the pregnancy has prolonged her stay because the insurance her company offers is much better than what I have. Now to my dilemma. She is so mean to me all of the time. Short, aggressive conversations. Snide remarks and pointed judgments about my character/lifestyle/business/priorities…you name it. I feel as though I am always under attack all the time. Her resentment of me is palpable and often nasty and acidic. She has plans to move to Maine with me soon after the baby is born, and I am on my way out to Chicago in a couple of days to be with her for the remainder of the pregnancy and for a short time after. I then must return to Maine to start up business again and prepare for her arrival (she will be with her family in Ohio until she feels ready to move with me). Here's the thing. I have priorities away from her and I realize this whole situation sucks. I work and save right now, so that she won't have to work when she gets here. Also, as any of you single parents know...it is hard to say goodbye to your child for a weekend away, let alone 2 plus months. My fiancé does not seem to understand that I just CANNOT drop everything to be with her, though if I could I would. She seems spiteful of me, my son, my life and the list goes on. And though I will be there in a few days and am looking at spending the rest of her pregnancy together optimistically, she just seems angry that I am finally just getting there. Have any of you been through anything even remotely similar to my situation? I love her like no other, and I just don’t want to lose her. Any tips?

 

Grandpa Viv - January 27

You have both changed a lot since college. Open your eyes and see the woman who is full of hate, of her job, of your lifestyle, whatever. She is not the same person you have been dreaming about. She will hate you for having her leave her fancy job. You are not the person she has been dreaming of - lifestyle, business, priorities, etc. You are both planning to re-mold each other into the person of your dreams, and it ain't gonna happen. Try some marriage counseling before you get spliced, the kind where you each get to vent separately and then together. Perhaps your best bet now is to discuss custody of the child. GL!

 

Jess17 - January 29

First of all, Phoges - dont ever listen to this guy Grandpa Viv. He thinks he knows everything and comments on everyones posting with rude remarks. Secondly, I lived away from my now husband for the entire 2 years we were originally together. Our relationship started with me always crying because he was always bashing on me. Soon things turned around and I started saying he was cheating. I was just angry. We were never together and that sort of thing kills a girl. Going through a pregnancy alone, I could only imagine the hurt she feels. I am pregnant now and even with my husband around I feel unloved and ugly most times. I think the only thing you can really do is talk to her about how she feels and then tell her how you feel. Tell her you are sorry for not being able to be there but explain to her that you wouldn't be able to support her and the baby (along with you cant leave your job) if you just left. She needs support. This is a very rough time for both of you but if you both are genuinely in love, everything will work out. Good luck and best of wishes!

 

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