Need Guidance

8 Replies
Joyce - May 3

I am pregnant, I was actually beaten and raped by my exboyfriend, not something I am proud of. I moved back with my parents to help me through this emotional rollercoaster and so they can help me with my seven year old son. My parents don't know that I am pregnant, my mother told me that if I were pregnant with "Satan's baby, she would pay for the abortion." The thing is that's not something I want. I just don't know how to feel right now. I don't want to lose my family over this, we have always been close. I don't have a job and I feel I should move out before I tell them. I feel this is ridiculous because I am 29 yrs. old. I don't feel like my life should have ended up this way. Any advice would help.

 

Misty - May 3

I'm so sorry for what you are having to go through right now. Your parents are there for you now though because they love you. I hope that if you were to talk to them about the fact that you are pregnant now and you want to keep the baby that they would understand and support you. She might have said that because she thought that was how you would feel and so she was trying to let you know she would be there for you. But just let her know (if you know you want to keep the baby) that something horrible happened with your ex but something wonderful is resulting from it and you want to have this baby to love. Tell her that you are thankfull she would stand by you if you were to decide to terminate but that you don't want to and you hope she will still stand by you. Every baby is God's baby after all. It might have been a bad act that created this but that does not make it a bad baby. Hopefully your mom will come around and be there for you. I'm sure she will if she is being there for you now. And statistically it is something like one in three women that are s_xually abused at some point in their lives. I was almost rapes when I was 18. It is not the same as actually being raped. But I remember the helplessness you feel when you are not in control of what is happening and the sadness that comes from it and the fact that you never thought it would happen to you. Group counseling, if you would consider it, can be very helpfull. You would be in a room with other women who have gone through similar situations and it help tremendously to have someone there who can actually relate to what you are feeling. You are not alone, in a way that is sad, but it is true. Good luck to you. I hope you find all the help and support that you need.

 

prego nc - May 3

So, so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Just remember that what you are going through is NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN! You couldn't help what happened to you and you certainly couldn't help that you got pregnant. Your mom may have a hard time dealing with it right now but maybe she will learn to live with it in time. Are you sure you want to keep this baby? How far along are you. I think that if you do keep the baby, you will need the financial and emotional support of your family to get you through this. Trying to break out on your own at this point in time would just be too hard for you. I say stay with them until you can get a job, save some money (after baby is born) and get out on your own. Maybe meet a nice guy who will treat you right. Did you have the b___d arrested?

 

prego nc - May 3

and another thing....i am 28 yrs old and I had to go home and stay with my dad and step-mom for a year. Had to pay some bills off and other things. I wouldn't hesitate to go back either if I needed too. But I am going to try everything I can to make it on my own. It's hard enough trying to make it financialy when you don't have a baby, can't imagine how hard it would be with one!

 

Nic - May 3

Hi Joyce, My heart goes out to you and the situation you have unfortunately found yourself in. Your circunstances are not that uncommon and only you can make the right choice regarding your life and the possible life of your unborn child. When your mum referred to 'satans' child she probably only meant it to be in a supportive manner (to let you know that she woldn't disapprove of you having an abortion). You need to talk with your mum and explain how you feel. You didn't concieve this child in the most natural way but that doesn't mean that those who love you will not support your decision to keep it (if that is what you want). Rape is nothing to be ashamed of, I found it very sad when you wrote it wasn't something you were proud of. Hold your head high and be a stronger person for this ordeal. Do not let the rapist win. Rape is about control and power and only you should have that in your life. I hope my message is helpful to you. Please keep in touch and good luck to you and your future x x x x

 

Karen - May 3

Being rape is nothing to be ashamed of. It was not your fault and like the others wrote it is about power and control. I was almost raped at 13 and it was a terrible experience and I too felt ashamed for a long time. After I realized that it was not my fault as it is not yours. It is your decision to keep the baby cause only you can live with that choice. All the best

 

sandra d - May 3

I am 36 weeks pregnant. I want to deliver this week -anybody knows if it is okay to deliver in week 36. whether the baby is fully develop. please answer asap. Thanks in advance.

 

Eryn - May 3

Your should tell your family. If you are close they will love and support you no matter what. Even if you decide to keep the baby. You need and deserve to be around people you love and can be there for you. They're going to find out eventurally. Hope things turn around for you. Best of luck

 

Lissi - May 3

That's awful. I really feel for you. I'm sure your mother would respect your wishes if you want to keep the baby. She's probably just feeling over protective of you because she loves you and she's angry with exboyfriend. Everyone's right, you have no reason to be ashamed. Tell your family. You need their support. I wish you all the best for the future.

 

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