Need Your Opinons

17 Replies
Stessed - July 24

I just got engaged about a month ago. My fiance bought me a diamond ring in a plain setting and told me to pick a new setting. I went to a gemoligist (sp?) and he found me the absolute perfect setting. The only problem is it is twice over the budget my fiance said. So I thought I would take a paycheck and take a huge dip into my savings account to pay for it. When I told my fiance this he got angry and told me I should be spending that money on baby stuff. Now I feel really selfish but I know I will forever regret passing this ring up. I 've been the one to buy EVERYTHING so far.It kinda of annoys me that he expects all my money to go toward buying things for the baby. He hasen't bought so much as a diaper. Should I buy the setting or not? Sorry this sounds so stupid but I am really stessed about what to do. I have two days to figure it out.

 

LB - July 25

First of all. Congrats on both the engagement and the baby.A pregnancy is not a one sided thing and neither is mairrage. I think he should definitely be buying things for the baby. Maybe hes a lil scared and needs a push. Once he gets started he wont wanna stop therefore freeing up some money for your ring. BUT if you can avoid an argument by going for your second choice, you may be able to save some money, keep hubby to be happy, and get a more than beautiful ring.( just an opinion though.) good luck on your choice and god bless.

 

leslie - July 25

well it sounds to me like the problem is not the ring...(wich if I was in your case I would definetly pay a little extra, after all its your engagement ring) I think that the problem is how your bf is acting towards the baby..why does he think you should buy everything? its his baby too!! maybe you need to talk to him before you get more upset...then you may recent him.. Good Luck!

 

Rila - July 25

I agree with leslie, now is the time to work out money issues, are you going to share money in the future ( one account) If this is the case you will find that you will be buying all the babies things in the future as well. If I were in your situation I would not pay for the ring from my own money, you may need it later on, also you could always change the ring later on when you are able to aford it. I am sure your partner loves you and does not think about paying for things, maybe he a__sumes that you share the money already..

 

P - July 26

Stressed, Yes, spend your money on needs for the baby. But since he told you to pick out a new setting, he should be the one to pay for it!! Can't he pay on it with a layaway program, is there a big hurry? I would hope that he starts opening up his wallet real soon, instead of yelling at you on how you are spending 'your' money. He will be in for a rude awakening after the baby is born, when he realizes he is legally and financially responsible for this little one; Heaven forbid, anything should happen between you two. Just my oppinion though, hang in there!! :)

 

MJM - July 26

My personal opinion is that you should stay within the budget he set for the ring. You can always buy more diamonds in the future. Maybe he is so adimit about the ring because HE finally bought you something and he doesnt want it where he only paid for part of it. I am unsure what he spent on the ring but maybe he has been saving for a while and that is why he has been "broke" or whatever. So use the same budget he used on the ring. Respect him on this issue and I am sure you both will be happier! Maybe he is telling you you need to use that money for the baby and not on the ring because he doesnt want to say I finally bought you something great and wonderful and yet it is not expensive enough or good enough for you. Men think very differently. Dont take me wrong because I am sure that is not the case but look at it from his point of view. And like I said earlier usually the MAN pays for the engagement ring and maybe you are hurting his pride by adding more money. Keep the ring save the money and buy more diamonds later!

 

lilmum - July 26

congrats on the baby and the engagement. personally, i think you should stick with the ring and the budget he gave you. This is his gift to you. Besides that, YOU get a say in the wedding ring, and that's the one you will be wearing for the rest of your life, so save your money now. Another option is having your engagement ring 'upgraded' instead of getting a different ring for your wedding ring.. then there is twice the sentimental value, you only have to buy one ring,plus you get what you want :)

 

my op - July 26

Maybe he would rather the money for your ring (that he spent) go toward the baby. I do not blame him. You need to think of your baby and you need to keep that savings intact in case of an emergency concerning your child. Engagement rings are NOT a sign of somebody's undying love and commitment. If they were, the divorce rate would be nil. I would skip the ring totally and buy a simple wedding ring for the ceremony, to signify your marriage. I mean you are putting the cart before the horse anyhow, and the diamond ring just shouldn't be an issue. For lilmum, engagement rings are not gifts. They are pieces of property that are contingent upon a very specific act and need to be given back if that falls through. Unless it's his fault, and he cheats before you have a chance to marry. Then, screw him.

 

Jodie - July 26

i think baby things are definately more important than a diamond. My engagement ring only has a small diamond and not for one minute have i wished for a bigger one or thought that my fiance loves me any less for getting a small diamond. In the end its just a ring, the memory of him proposing is far more precious than any diamond will ever be

 

Shelly - July 27

I totally agree with MJM.

 

Tulip - July 27

First, let me say, I have simple setting and I am thrilled with it. It is so elegant. Second, I believe it is a gift from him to you and he might be a little offended that you went outside his budget and want to pay for part of it- it won't be from him that way! I don't think you need to skip right to just a band, but maybe pick your favorite that fits in his range. A chat about how you would appreciate his help with the baby purchases might also be in order. My feeling is that he is a little sensitive about these topics, so tread gently. Best of luck.

 

Lissi - July 27

I have to agree with MJM. He probably thought he was doing something nice by telling you to get a new setting and felt hurt that he couldn't afford what you really wanted. People get so caught up in the importance of wedding rings and the big celebration, that they lose sight of what really matters. Engagement rings aren't important. I've been married twice, and the first time round I had expensive rings, huge white wedding and a ma__sive party with 200 guests. That marriage lasted 6 months! (I'm not proud of it!) I think I was more in love with the idea of being a bride than I was with my fiancé. 11 years on, I'm married again and this time I skipped the engagement ring, had a simple wedding with just a few family and friends to celebrate it with. It was a much happier occasion, and meant so much more to me. Your commitment to your partner and your future life with your baby are much more important. You should speak to your fiancé about sharing the cost of the baby though. Maybe he could buy you more diamonds for your ring as an anniversary present or something? Wish you all the best.

 

Judge Judy - July 27

FYI to Tulip and all who think an engagement ring is a gift - The LAW rules that it is contingent upon a marriage taking place. Therefore, it is not a gift.

 

Lissi - July 27

Are you saying that in America you can't get married unless you have an engagement ring? Surely not!

 

Judge Judy - July 27

No, I am saying that in the US, if you are given an engagement ring and you decide to call the wedding off, you don't get to keep the ring, as it's not a gift. The law would require you to return the ring, if you were sued in court.

 

Judge Judy - July 27

I wish it was a gift because I would have a very expensive ring laying around. I returned my ring, without question, when I broke my engagement off. I knew it was not a gift.

 

leslie - July 27

that is crazy!! I am sure that there is peoeple in this world that would sue for an engagment ring and there is girls that will not want to give it up! lol!!

 

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