Nosy In Laws

5 Replies
Angela - June 15

I am 14 weeks and I'm not sure if my annoyance with the situation is because I am hormonal but I have a serious problem with my sister in law. Who happens to be one of my closest friends. She tells me she wants to be very involved with the baby and that she is so excited. But whenever I ask her for some help she acts like I am asking her to run a marathon. She gets on tyrants about how she has it so hard being a mom and going to school. Don't get me started but she's a mother of a child in school who is more self sufficient than most teenagers and taking one online course that she gets time off work to complete. If that was the only thing she was doing it would be okay. But she also considers herself and her brother (the father) much closer than they really are and expects him to put her ahead of everything else...especially me. He doesn't but she is always trying to convince me that he is. I don't believe that she knows she does it but it really gets you down when she's constantly telling you how much she knows about being a mom and how great she is with kids. Personally I don't find her that great with them...not attentive enough and too opinionated. I don't know what to do about the situation. Nothing really bad will result from it I'm sure, except I get extremely annoyed around her when she starts talking about the baby. The last little petty thing that bothers me is that she calls it "her" baby. It's my baby! and I know that she does not mean it that way but it still bothers me.

 

Maleficent - June 15

oh i get enraged when my mil referrs to the kids as "hers". no, they are mine; mine and my husbands. it's normal for little things like that to set you off. you either don't let it get to you, or you make new friends. it's hard to be friends with a "supermom". i hope you can work things out.

 

Steph - June 15

LOL!!! I have had to deal with that type of situation as well. At the moment, my hubby and I are ttc, and his sister who is 30 has four kids all with the same guy, who is a complete jerk. They are not married, because if they do, they won't get as much welfare. (I won't even go there) And she acts like she is the best mother in the entire world. Just becasue you have the ability to have children does not make you a great mom!! I would try and distance myself from your sister in law, and keep the relationship at arms length for a while. Good luck to you!! Also, when she says her baby, look at her and say "didn't know YOU were pregnant" and smile.

 

lilmum - June 15

i totally know how you feel. My MIL is the same way. She introduces MY son to people as, this is my baby. We come over and it's "is that my baby?". I have said "no it's MY baby" quite bluntly, and still no difference. I won't allow my MIL to babysit because she is legally blind. This drives her insane, as she has not admitted that to herself. She goes on and on about how she had three kids, and a dayhome, just like i do, but back then she could have more kids. (but BIG differences. She could see then, her kids were in school, they were all normal unhandicapped children). This drives ME insane. I also do not quite agree on some of her parenting skills, and she doesn't agree with mine. She had an 'intervention' when my son was 8 weeks old because i ran to my baby everytime he cried... SO I COULD FEED HIM. (this drove her mad because he didn't go more than 45min without BF'ing, so i was taking him away from her so he could eat). I still don't think that is unreasonable and worth having all my inlaws get together to tell me "my baby needs to cry, or he will never learn to talk. His lungs need it and your depriving him of that". I have learnt to bite my lip. Being pregnant again has been quite the trip. At first, things got worse, but just like last time, she is seems to be extra nice to me now. The only time this woman has been nice to me, is while i'm pregnant. She hated me from day one, and now that i am carrying her grandchild (or as she would call it, HER baby), she is trying desperately to please me. I am at a loss as to what to do. My husband has had many talks with not only her, but his dad as well.. nothing.. It is scary to think this could last a lifetime....

 

Angela - June 17

Thanks for the advice. She's tough to deal with because she is one of those people that always has to have her way and it's all about her...and that is how she describes herself too. She has always been one of my best friends but she can be trying sometimes. I have my own issues right now, I don't need hers too! As for the rest of you with the crazy family members I feel for you. It's tough but I guess distancing is the best solution.

 

Jbear - June 17

Maybe I'm just strange, but there's enough of my daughter to share. I don't mind when she seems to like her grandma better than me. I also don't mind that she calls my sister every day, and sometimes calls her mom too. Sometimes it makes me feel good that if anything happened to me my daughter would have my mom and sisters as replacements. You know what does make me mad? My father in law is a real a__s. My husband never talked to his dad until I made him do it. I guilt-tripped him and went on about how my husband should be too mature to hold grudges. So my husband and his dad became friends, sort of. The day after my daughter was born, my father in law came to the hospital and told me it was time to start trying to have a son, to carry on the family name. I ignored him. When we told him we were having another baby, and that I was getting my tubes tied afterwards, boy or girl, he told my husband there was no shame in divorce and that it would be okay if my husband divorced me and married a woman who could give him sons. I'm not speaking to the man anymore.

 

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