Not Really About Pregnancy Problem With Husband

11 Replies
Megan P. - March 18

h__lo everyone. I'm 13 wks preg. and come here a lot to read about pregnancy stuff, but this is not about my pregnancy, this is about me being frustrated with my husband...you see, my husband works full time every mon-fri 8am-about 7pm...he works a lot...as soon as he comes home, he gets a shower, then gets on the computer and plays this game till like, 1 a.m. then goes to bed...he does this same thing EVERYDAY...on the weekends, he sometimes takes me out to lunch and to the mall, but then when we get home...it's computer time...( I bought him a computer for our bedroom with my tax return money..as you can see i'm starting to regret it...) well, my problem is, this saturday, he wants to go to a party his friend from work is having, which is about a hour away...he already said there is going to be a lot of drinking there, and my husband doesn't smoke pot, but his friends from work do...and I guess there are suppose to be over 100 people there...now, you get 100 drunk and high people together and somewhere in there is bound to be a fight or the cops called or something...I really don't want him to go, i would like to spend time with him this weekend, since we rarely spend ANY time together...but he's very stubborn and will basically go no matter what I say, is there any way I can get him to stay home? we have been together for 5 years and married for about 3 months....he's 21, I'm 20...so as you can see we are still very young but come on, we are married now with a child on the way, shouldn't he stay home with his pregnant wife instead of going to some stupid party? or maybe Its just me.....and I don't want him to stay home only to spend time with me but it's an hour away and if something happens there, I'd have no Idea...I'm a little mad and worried...wow. I've typed a lot...if anyone took the time to read all this, I REALLY appreciate it! Thanks, I could really use the help!

 

Jamie - March 18

I really understand how you feel. The best thing I could tell you, would be to express how much it means to you...for him to stay home. After all the weekends is suppose to be your time together. If he does not agree, then he really needs to set time aside for you. Trust me when the baby comes, you won't really have alone time for a while, unless you have a good reliable babysitter.

 

Rachel* - March 18

I feel for you Megan. I think you need to have a talk with your hubby. He needs to know that you want to spend more time with him. Marriage is about compromise (among other things) and maybe he can agree to play on the computer every other day and spend the other days with you doing something you both enjoy. Do you work? I know it is really hard if you don't work and hubby does. When I was looking for a job this summer (for 3 months) I was so bored and was so happy when he came home. I like to spend lots of time with him, but we still have responsibilities (household and otherwise) that get in the way. About the party your hubby wants to go to... I would definately not want my hubby to go to a party like that without me. Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit (don't want to sound mean). When the baby comes you are going to need his help around the house. I'd try to iron this out a bit before the baby comes. Good luck :)

 

Billie - March 18

I feel for you but if it were my husband, I would let him go. I would definetly go with him though. My husband and I are also young. He's 22 and I'm 24 and we've been married for 3 years. Yes, he needs to set away some time for you but he also needs a life too. Plus with a baby on the way, he definitely needs some time to do things and so do you. You're not going to have the time when the baby is here. If you say he's going to go anyway.... go with him and try to have some fun. You never know, you might have a great time.

 

Rachel* - March 18

I don't think I'd be able to have a great time at a party like that since I wouldn't even be able to drink since I'm pregnant. Plus 100 people, sounds like a pregnancy nightmare!! I think he should be more sensative to his wife during this time.

 

Megan P. - March 18

Well, at first he didn't want me to go because he said that he knows that once we get there I'd be bugging him to go...which he's totally right, I've never been much of a partier, I'm the kind of person who likes to stay home and watch a good movie or read a good book....but then he said I can go if I want to....of course I don't want to... what am I gonna do? I don't know ANYONE there but my husband, I can't drink...I don't like being around drugs...it just doesn't sound like a fun time and I can't see my husband having that much fun without his computer..lol.....I can think of plenty of fun things for the two of us to do together besides sit at some stranger's party......but at least he asked if I wanted to go.....I'm going to talk to him tonight when he gets home and see if I can convince him to maybe stay home and we can go out together and do something... I can just sence a big fight coming on...lol thanks for all your advice everyone... :-)

 

Megan P. - March 18

oh and also let me mention...we moved here (California) from Michigan last August for his Job....I recall someone asking if I work, I do not...I don't know ANYONE out here, all my friends are 2000 miles away, he's all I've got...he's made some friends at work, but I don't know any of them...I'm really looking forward to having this baby...I will finally have a friend...lol but I guess thats why I wish he'd spend more time with me...I'm alone ALL the time....I'd go to the party to meet people, but I don't think that I want to start to become friends with people who do drugs...lol

 

Melissa - March 18

Plus I don't think its a place where you would feel comfortable especially if they are all drinking smoking and etc. Maybe you guys can join a Lamaze cla__s were you can meet other pregnant women and your husband can participate with the pregnancy. I took a teen Lamaze cla__s at my hospital and it was free. it was so much fun. I met alot of friends and we had games and snacks all the time. We had our cla__s around 6pm and it was only twice a week. It made my husband understand alot more about my pregnancy. Good Luck!

 

JLorenzo - March 19

Hi Megan, sounds to me like the videogames and parties aren't things he should be doing when his wife is pregnant. The transition between being a "guy" and being a "man" is a fine one. I hate to sound like a broken record, but have you spoken with him? Told him how you feel? I always tell my wife to just talk to me when she has a problem. We almost always work it out! Just tell him how you feel. Maybe he can make time for the video games like I make time to watch a football game. Compromise goes a long way.

 

BabyTiger - March 19

Obviously, your hubby needs some growing up to do so he could set his priorities. My bf of 8 years ( he's 38) is an IT guy--and spends a LOT of time in front of his PCs (yes, that's plural--together we have 6 stationary PCs and 4 laptops,--I'm a banker not an IT person, btw ) at home doing many things--also playing... BUT when I do tell him I want time together or he needed to do something for me or here at home, he does it. Helps too that he surprises me sometimes with freshly squeezed orange juice f.ex. before sitting in front of his systems. Little gestures help. And oh yeah--I sometimes give him this big bla-bla-bla about my wanting attention now! :))) so I just go over to where he is and cuddle him.I demand the attention I deserve. About the 'party environment' you fear-- well, you can't be behind him 24-7--and no matter what you say or do he would see these people with bad habits if he really wanted to--so, the best thing to do is tell him your concerns and tell him you trust him not to be stupid and make him aware that you expect NEXT weekend to be spent with you--else, no go to this party :)) He can also a__sure you by telling you what time he'd be home and being in your condition, you should be able to contact him at any time at this party place.

 

Julie - March 19

You need to talk to your hubby! I know how you feel when I was pregnant with my son my husband went to a bachelor party 5 hours away which was an overnight deal and I didn't talk to him for weeks afterward. I think he learned his lesson. If it makes you uncomfortable than it is not right! He made a committment to you and to your marriage and he needs to grow up!

 

tara - March 19

Having a talk with him tonight is a great idea. Make him understand that once the baby is here you guys won't be able to go out on your own any more and that you both should try really hard to take advantage of this time you have together right now. Instead of him going to the party let him decide something fun for you guys to do together. all the best.

 

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