Nothing To Do With Pregnancy But

21 Replies
L - August 11

O.k. So Dh left his wallet on the table this morning, I have never ever done anything like this before, but something inside of me kept telling to go ahead & do it, so I looked through it.. found a phone# and e-mail of the bartender of the hotel bar that DH stayed at about 1.5 years ago when he traveled for work. I remember thinking that something was shady while he was there, he mentioned the bartender, & that she was married, but always went outside to talk to me, I would call his cell & he wouldn't answer & then call me back from outside and tell me that he was in the bar.. Everything was fine when he got back from travel so I though nothing of it. FOund the number tucked inside the little flap of his wallet somewhat hidden. Called the number & it has been disconnected, so, should I confront DH about it? after all I DID go through his wallet for no apparent reason.. or should I just let it go?

 

kellie - August 11

How do you know whos number it was? Was it a business card?

 

L - August 11

She had her name as part of the e-mail address that was written on it.. it was a ripped part of a takeout menu from somewhere, I am a__suming the bar/restaurant in the hotel they were staying at.

 

in all fairness - August 11

that was a "illegal search and seizure" Which sucks cuz he is so busted! yeah he was probably screwing around but you can't bust him using info you pilfered rummaging through his wallet. At least I wouldn't use it to bust my husband, but I would be looking out for future signs. I'd also lace his underpants with itching powder, but thats just cuz I am a evil vendictive biotch.:)

 

L - August 11

Yeah, that is what I am thinking, is it even worth bringing up - I mean it was almost 2 years ago and its not like I have any proof.. and I did kind of get it unfairly. Honestly, he could have been fooling around & he might not have been fooling around. I'm half tempted to bring it up to him anyway, even though if he did fool around, then he would just lie about it and he definitely wouldn't be dumb enough to do it with someone local.. we are on one coast & his travel was on the other coast. The half of me that knows my husband thinks it could very well have been good intentions like wanting to go vacation out there & her offering to show us around, but the other half of me that knows men in general doesn't want to make excuses.

 

E - August 11

Of course you can bust him. He is your husband afterall. You felt suspicious and for good reason. If he gets defensive, it's b/c he knows he is busted and did something wrong. You searching his wallet is the lesser of the crimes committed (if there is one). I cannot imagine any reason for him to have her number and EMAIL, other than to keep in contact? Especially the email... I wonder how many times he has chatted with her? I would start checking the computer, before you bust him. Who knows what else you might find. Good luck, L , and I am sorry that this is happening.

 

Lena - August 11

Believe it or not, men keep stupid little things like phone numbers even if they have never called or have any intentions of every calling the number. Have you ever been checked out by a cute guy, or received hundreds of compliments on a new outfit or haircut? Feels pretty good, doesn't it? Men, in their own primative, ape-like, way feel complimented if they believe a woman wants to sleep with them. Doesn't mean that they ever would, but the thought that they could is like a compliment to them. Its very, very, possible that your husband felt this way when the bartender gave him her number. If he had a relationship with her, then he would have long known the number was inactive and thrown the paper away or at least written her new number on the paper. Furthermore, Its possible that he went outside to call you because of too much background noise in the bar. One thing is for certain, he was in the bar and not somewhere private with her. I know its hard to do, but focus on these things and not your suspicions. Throw the number away and don't say a word. I bet he won't even notice. If you feel you need to talk to him about it, wait a few months when you can think clearer and are less emotional about this discovery. Trust is very important in a good relationship and right now your trust in him might be little, but digging through his wallet will also make him trust you less. Best wishes to you. I know discoveries like this can be hard.

 

L - August 11

Thanks Lena, I was leaning more toward everything you had to say anyway. Another interstesting fact was that it is obvious that the paper has not been used frequently, the folds are all still very thick & not worn or anything. Second, it would be impossible for my husband to have a relationship with a woman that lives on the other side of the country and he knows that. Third, if he did fool around on the one or two nights that he was there with the intention of it being a one night stand, he would have been smart enough to throw the number & e-mail out so that I wouldn't find out about it. Fourth, if he was calling this woman, I would have known about it, The cell phones are in my name, house phone in my name, etc,etc. I look at the bill and would definitely notice a number with that area code.

 

E - August 11

I think that unless you talk about this with him, as you should given you are married, you will always have this in the back of your mind. It will come up again, maybe when you feel angry with him. I can't imagine not discussing something like this with my DH. This is not 1955. We can talk to our hubs about stuff like this, and we should, if we want to continue to trust each other. I guess if it does not bother you and you have no doubts, then there is no reason to bring it up. Somehow, I imagine you have some doubts.

 

so... - August 11

why would you ask and then provide reasons/excuses as to why you think that he is not cheating....some women have all the signs right there and then chose to ignore them or make excuses but then when it hits them right in the face they act surprised! what a waste of forum space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lena - August 11

EXACTLY!! Its easy to panic, but its so important to get in control of your emotions before you react.

 

Lynn - August 11

To SO: I think its important to look at the whole picture and all of the details. Many of us could flip out on one "sign" and make fools of ourselves when we finally get to see the whole picture.

 

KrisD - August 11

I agree with E - bring it up!! He is your husband, afterall. And truthfully, probably nothing indecent went on, however, the mere fact that my husband took the number from her would drive me bonkers... and I would want to hear his explanation (maybe he was going to forward her some information on something they discussed?? Who knows?) or at the very least let him know why you don't like the idea. I have not gone through my husband's wallet, but to tell you the truth - If I did, I don't think he would be very upset. If I had a nickel for every time he looked for something in my bag.... I would hope that if my husband was on travel he could chat with someone (male or female - I would!) guilt free... But I would definitely want an explanation about a number.

 

so.... - August 11

I'm not saying freak out over one thing, but there is a way to ask about it without freaking out..And then to come to the forum and ask others about it and then provide excuses for it, I just think that its just unneccessary. It sounds to me that she is providing excuses or reasons why he wouldnt cheat. To me that the biggest no no, I wouldnt underestimate what someone would or wouldnt do

 

KrisD - August 11

I guess that is just a "coping mechanism". I'd say that I might do the same thing.... Who knows? Anyway, I would never rest till I brought it up to him - I wouldn't have much trust for him otherwise. Just my thought.

 

L - August 11

Thanks E, Lena & KrisD for your input. Its definitely something that I need to bring up, but today is not the day. Honestly, I don;t hink that DH would do something like that, but I also never say never. I want to collect my thoughts (&hormones) a bit and let it settle & then bring it up in a way that won't cause an arguement. For those of you who gave useless advice, I didn;t ask opinions on whether or not he actually cheated, the questions was whether or not it was worth even bringing up almost 2 years after the fact. But thanks anyway, I got the advice I needed.

 

To so....... - August 11

You are far from perfect. Try improving yourself before coming down on every other person on this forim, because you SUCK!

 

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