Opinions On My Husbands Behavior

18 Replies
kimholl28 - July 11

Ok, I have never had any reason to be jealous or question my husbands faith ever before. He has a space on My Space.com, where he could talk to his buddies at work I thought. Well, when he gets a message from someone it comes to our E-mail address. I kept seeing them from a screen name candelicious. So I got nosey and figured out his password. All the post seem fine except for one to her. It said Happy Birthday! If you can't find anyone to give you your lickins, I'll be your huckaberry. Also a post from her when one of the guys from work asked her who she would date, she said, doc, which is my husbands screen name, because he is so good with the steel! We have been thinking of trying for our 3rd and now I am just so confused. We have been maried for 8 years and this doesn't even seem lioke something he would say to me, let alone some girl from work and she is a girl too. I am 28 and she is 21. Then to top it off I was snooping again and looked through the history on our internet and seen numerous p___no sites he has been to. I know some guys do this and all but after the candelicious thing I am really insecure. All he says is it was a stupid inappropriate comment he shouldn't have said. What do you ladies think or would you feel like me, almost cheated on?

 

Been There - July 11

He deserves a good smacking. He's probably not out cheating on you, unless you notice he's disappearing or doing strange things. Like the p___no, it's something he can do online anonymously. Don't get me wrong, I'd completely flip out on my husband for posting something like that. But I also think that like the p___n is truly an uninvolved fantasy (he can look, but not touch), he feels she'll never know who he really is, so he can talk a bunch of junk and nothing will happen anyway. It probably just made him feel good to flirt. Again, give it to him good and don't let him off too easily. But unless you really have something outside of the computer like him slipping off or lying about where he's going, etc., you most likely have nothing to worry about. Just talk to him about it and then go with your feelings.

 

kimholl28 - July 12

Sorry, this took me so long to read, my post didn't seem to show up right away. Thanks for your reply. I don't think he cheated I just hate that he is so comfortable to talk to another woman like that. And the fact he sees her at work. I know I am probably being silly about the p___n though, guess all of this has just made me a little jealous.

 

marylou - July 12

I don't really know if this is relevant or not but here it goes. My husband is in a management/ marketing position and is forced to be involved in every aspect of the company and its employees. I have come to terms with this in the fact that he has to be cordial and will sometimes have business meetings and interviews with women. However, I also feel that men, in any situation, work or otherwise, have to respect and honor their wive's reputation as well. If my husband has lunch with a woman he had better had another man or employee there as well so as not to imply to any bystander who may know us that anything questionable is going on. Does this make any sense? Wether it is a joking conversation, an e-mail, or a sit-down dinner... our men should honor us and our committment at all times. Anything else is unacceptable! You can't mix temptation with opportunity. Don't hold back because you worry that he thinks you are overreacting or paranoid. I don't think that my husband would ever cheat, but I also don't want to feel that I contributed in any way by letting him off easy!!!:) Hope I didn't come across as harsh, I am just pa__sionate about my marriage.

 

Ann1 - July 12

I agree with Been There. I think you should look for other signs of cheating--"working" late, taking a shower when he gets home immediately, any markings on clothes (lipstick), unusual credit card charges, or perfume smells. If I were you, I would not confront him with this yet. I would keep reading the information so you can get a better picture as to what is going on. Just sit tight and observe for a while. I would feel like you do--like he has violated the trust with that lickins comment. Best of luck to you.

 

bbm - July 12

To me, the comment to this girl was very suggestive. Do you know anyone who works with him, another female who can give you the lowdown on what's happening at the office? It sounds as if this girl likes your hubby and if he falls for her advances, who knows what may happen! From what she's emailing, she's definitely coming on to him. He should set her straight. Unfortunately, I know two women who found out that this so called harmless flirting their partners were doing eventually ignited affairs.

 

Seredetia - July 13

I know that in my office at work we're not the most "s_xual hara__sment friendly" and say inappropriate things all the time. Men (and some women) don't think about what they're saying at the time and just try to be cutesy and sly. They flirt ALL the time and that's why God created wives...to smack them upside the head!! I wouldn't worry about it too much unless there are other signs of cheating and/or flirting. Sometimes it's easy to say silly things on the internet when you know that person is not right there in your face. Definitely bring it up to him and explain that it's a little disconcerting that he speaks that way to his coworkers!! Set him straight, but don't let it offend you too much or make you jealous. Men are silly creatures most of the time! Good luck!

 

AllEyesOnMe - July 13

My dh told me to type this>>>Smack him upside the head with a twobyfour,when you have a woman you love so much you should not be out flirting and galavanting even on a computer.Guys like that give good men a bad name.And should not be emailing women like that.Any respectful man would not do that.He should only be flirting with his woman-no one else.And this coming from me<<<You should go to his work and confront her and tell her she has no chance in hell with your man,either that or whoop her a__s.

 

Leahp - July 13

Hey Kimholl28, I would definitley be upset and the same thing had happened to me shortly after our baby girl was born last fall, I found out he was on p___no sites and who did he blame it on??? HOWARD STERN, Give me a break! But now to come find out, we got on the subject of masturbating and he asked who i think of and I said him, he's the one I love and he didn't believe me, so I asked who he thinks of and he said well I have to admit, but I don't think of you every single time, sometimes, but now everytime! I was hurt, maybe I'm too Christian like but I find that to be mentally cheating!! Same as flirting on a computer or on MY space, like Dr. Phil says it doesn't always have to be physical to be cheating, emotional cheating is probably worse, because you become attached through feelings than through s_x. How would you ladies feel if your man told you he masturbated to other women???

 

kimholl28 - July 13

Thank you ladies, I am taking all of your replies seriously. I am going to keep an eye on his e-mails and My Space stuff. Atleast I know I am not overreacting to this. Thanks for all your thoughts.

 

frankschick2001 - July 13

I think maybe he is just doing some serious flirting, which if it makes you uneasy, then he has to stop! People who work together often develop a flirtatious relationship without it ever crossing the line. The question is, how much do you trust your husband? That is pretty much what it comes down to. Also, as far as the p___n sites, show me the man who DOESN'T look at internet p___n. I think they all do at one time or another. I am not comfortable with any of those myspace type sites. I just feel that they are for single people looking for friends, relationships, hook-ups, etc. I don;t see what a married person gets out of having a myspace site. So if I were you, I would definitley talk to him about this and tell him that until things are clear, you are not going to keep trying for #3.

 

frankschick2001 - July 13

MARYLOU: I too am in the business world, and I think you are reaching a bit too far. To insist that your husband have another man present at lunches or meetings he has with women is crazy. Number one, men and women do business all the time, and no one walking by would actually think they were having an affair just because they were eating lunch together. Thats ridiculous. Also, for you to insist that he have a male chaperone there is also degrading to women. They are not all out to get your husband. If your husband needs a chaperone he can't be trusted. If it is you who needs for him to have a chaperone, then you have very very serious security issues that probably have nothing to even do with your man. I don;t mean to sound like I am being mena, but come on, this is 2006, get with the program. There are women in business!

 

Ann1 - July 13

Frankschick2001, I could not agree with you more about women in the business world. I think people need to relax on that. I have a high position in a consulting firm, and we deal with many heads of companies, both male and female. I regularly have one-on-one lunches, dinners, and meetings with men, and my husband would never even dream of reacting negatively to this. We are 100% secure in our marriage, and this is all for work and has nothing to do w/a male/female relationship. I think, when these kinds of things are "prohibited" by insecure spouses, it damages women's positions and opportunities for advancement at work. We have one high-up boss that is male. He takes the males in our group out regularly for one-on-one lunchs and dinners to help with career counseling, etc. However, he never takes any of the females, unless another female or another male goes. He probably thinks that goes un-noticed, but it does not. It is proven that connections at work aid in getting promotions and raises as well as better work. This behavior really offends me. Sorry about the rant! I think kimholl28's situation is a completely different issue, of course. I would be extremely mad about those comments as well as the p___n.

 

RMC - July 13

wow. let me just tell you that myspace is so full of drama. my boyfriend and i both deleted ours because we both had exes who were posting things and leaving things on purpose to make us jealous. myspace is horrible for relationships.

 

AllEyesOnMe - July 14

Sounds like it.

 

Lynne - July 14

I think you should put your foot down on this before it turns into something later on. With most problems you can see a pattern of behavior, if you ignore it the problems get worse. If you deal with it head on, then you can resolve it before it goes to another place. My husband has become addicted to online poker. He loves to play it, so much he is on the computer for hours. Now don't get me wrong he isn't spending our money, these sites give you free money to play with to get you onto their site. Well my hubby is plaing 4-5 hours per night. I told him last night that if that is what is important to him to go and get a room somewhere and get a computer and phone line and waste his time there. I had things for him to do at our houseand its time to grow up, be a man and act like one. Its not fun to be the only one taking care of the house and him not doing anything because he can't stop playing. So if he is on there again tonight I am taking my rose pruners to the dsl line. And I am going to hide the mouse to the computer. I will have my way in the end. Its like housebreaking a puppy, in the end they will do what is right or go outside.

 

Leahp - July 14

Hey Lynne!!!! My husband went through the same thing after I baby girl was born, he was on it for hours, I soon found out that he was lying to me about hom much he was betting and how often, I checked his checking account and saw that he was gambling $50 dollars at a time three times a week, while I'm on maternity leave, I was irrate that he thought I was that stupid, I chewed his head off and told him to grow up as well!! We need all the money we can get and that he has a family now! I even called up Earthlink and got parental control put on the computer. He's never even attempted again, because I said some awful things to him, but it was only the truth, plus I told his mom and my fam, so he ended up being embarressed!!

 

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