Please Help Me Out

10 Replies
Confused - August 20

I posted this on another forum but got no response. This one seems to get quicker ones: I'm 21 and I am about a month pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's baby. The day I found out, the night before I had a fling with a guy that lives far away while I was away on business. This man is unlike anyone I've ever met before and is so amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before. All I'm thinking about is how I can get up there to be with him. My ex called me some horrible things when I told him about this guy I had a fling with. He says now that he didn't know that I was pregnant, and was only reacting as a 20-something guy that was never going to talk to me again. He says that now that he knows that I'm carrying his child that he sees me in a new light and is willing to look past what happened while I was away to make it work. He said he wants to be there for me and the baby thoughout the pregnancy and will do anything in his power to take care of me and the baby. He's offered to marry me, and if I didn't want that, at least live with him and start a family. He's quit smoking, drinking, he's moving up closer to me so that he can be near me and the baby. He's trying everyday to work things out with me, and I don't know what to do. Both of our families are here, but I don't care about that, I just want to be with the guy that I met while I was away. The guy I met while I was away said that if he was here he'd help me out, too. My ex is saying that I'm being selfish and I'm taking the baby from it's rightful father and both families and has offered to take the baby should I want to go to Boston to be with the other man. He said he won't ask me for a dime, nor keep the kid from my parents. I don't know what to do. Please help, what would you do?

 

leslie - August 20

Well it seems like you are better of with your ex after all he is the real father. Maybe you feel so tempted to go with the other guy b/c you know its not possible you know how sometimes we want something that is impossible..just b/c its harder to get? well that may be your case..If you don't want to go back to your ex let him at least help you..there is many guys out there who as soon as they find out their gf are pregnant they disappear...you are lucky enough that he is there. and that your family is willing to help you. Do you want to keep the baby? if you do you think that a guy that hasn't known you for a long time is going to take the responsabiliy of a baby that is not his? you have to ask this questions to yourself..bc a baby is a biiig responsabily..

 

Confused - August 20

I want the baby, but I want to go to Boston as well. My ex's family doesn't like me because, as he says, "I won't see them" and "You're trying to take their grandchild." I know my family hates him for all the messed up things he's said to me in the past, and how we always fight. He's been really nice to me the past few days, and I have gotten mean with him sometimes, like saying I'll take the baby to Boston and knowing he doesn't want to hear that. Today he went and got me some food because I was hungry, and then got p__sed at me for some reason. He says it's because of the stress and the fact that he's quitting smoking, but he apologized. I'm still talking to the other guy, and I've talked to my nephew's mom who lives in Boston and she says she'd love to have me stay until I can get out on my own. Right now, I just want to take it easy and not let this whole pregnancy thing get in the way of my personal life, and commit to something I may not want.

 

Confused - August 20

Sorry, yes, he will help me with the kid, I know it. He has a 14 month old from a recently ended marriage.

 

Tladdy - August 21

You have to do what your heart is saying. Ask yourself if things did not work out before the pregnancy, do you think they will work out after the pregnancy. You are young and I know plety of young mothres who have raised children on there own. My sister was pregnant at 17 gave birth at 18. She tried working htings out with her x. They got married 3 years later and another child later they divorced. Now she has a man that treats her and her children right. And she is best friends with the father of her children, because that is all they are is friends. He visits them all the time and tey share custody. You honestly have to look in your heart and say what is best for my baby. If this guys is as great as you say he is and he knows of the situation. You have to think about that too. What ever you do be honest to yourself and be true to your baby. Not to anyone else.

 

Ranya - August 22

How well do you know the guy in Boston, if he was just a fling as you say, are you sure of your feelings towards him? Do you have any feelings for your ex?

 

kairne - August 22

well..maybe if he has a baby too...from a recently ended marriage...and that you are preggo...maybe you should just stay with your BF....he just may be on the rebound...you dont know him enough say for sure....you should give yur ex a try....give him a try while you are preggo....if it dosent work out...then do what your heart tells ya....cause after 9month...if it dosent work out with the ex...and that other guy in boston still sticks by you...then i guess its all worth going.... just my opinion LOL

 

jessie - August 22

I'm sorry, stick it out with the ex. He has just as much right to the child as you do. Running off to Boston is not what's in the best interest for you and your baby. Trust me, I was there. The man that you think will love you, and says that he will take care of your unborn child's world changes when you start showing at 8 months. I did this to my ex, and when I came back to him after I saw this man for what he is, my ex, obviously, wanted nothing to do with me. Stick with what works, and stick with who you know loves you. Get over your fling, work out your problems with your ex, and stick with him. You know he'll always be there for you, you don't know if this Boston guy will or not. Just seems like you are comparing a gamble to a sure thing.

 

katie - August 22

i agree. my x was a total jacka__s before i got pregnant & totally straightened out since we had our baby. today were happily married for 6 years and im thankful everynight that i stayed with this man. stick with what you know honey.

 

2 confused - August 22

i'll keep mine short and sweet. good men step up to the plate when challenged. sounds like your ex is just that type of man. sounds like this guy in boston is a guy who wants a piece of young tail. the x truly loves you and the baby, boston dosn't. wake up and smell the roses.

 

Michelle - August 22

A child is a blessing regardless who the father is. If you are not in love with the father anymore than you owe it to yourself and the baby to make that decision. You need to ask yourself if the guy in Boston is really worth it. You could be loosing a lot if you make the wrong choice! A guy is always great at the beginning as I'm sure the baby's father was too if you think back. My advise...Don't make any decision now. You are only 1 month pregnant. You have 8 more months to think about it. Get to know this guy from Boston more to see if he is "for real." You know what they say...the gra__s isn't always greener on the other side! I can't begin to tell you how true this is. You'll see. Good luck.

 

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