Question About The Few Weeks After Giving Birth

7 Replies
Lynn - April 20

I REALLY don't want nayone staying with us right after the baby is born.. particularly my mother in law. My mom lives about 30 minutes from us & she will be more than happy to come over for a few hours every day to do laundry, help cook, watch the baby so I can get a few hours of sleep. My MIL lives about 6 hours away & we are planning on telling her soon. I know that she is going to insist that she needs to be with us when the baby is born (she's very controlling, this is her way of "guaranteeing" she gets her foot in the door with this grandchild) and I plan on telling her nicely at first that I just don't want houseguests the first few weeks after the baby is born. My idea is to tell her that I want that time for me & my husband to have with the baby. I plan to tell her that she's more than welcome to come down (it is a free country right?) but we're just not opening our house up to guests right after the baby comes. Do you think that this is rude? (she will of course) & is there anything else that I can add to it to get the point across even more? She will try her hardest to get around this by saying that I'll NEED her help with the baby & she'll cook & she''ll clean & I won't have to do anything. Personally, I don't care if my house turns into a pigsty the first few weeks after the baby is here as long as I fdon't have to deal with HER! And, my husband will be going back to work after a few days & I don't think that I should be left to deal with his mother all day while he is at work ( he also feels that his mom is very high maintenance & controlling). She's the type of mother in law that doesn't give advice on how to do things, she TELLS you how they need to be done & then if you don't do it her way, she SHOWS you how to do it the "right" way.

 

Leahp - April 20

Lynn!!! I feel exactly the same way and have been very worried on how this will be communicated!!! My MIL lives in Colorado and is probably going to try her best to fly out once I go into labor! I have to say she's very sweet and understanding, because the first worry of mine was the birthing room and who would be in there and my husband wanted his mom and sister in there, I was like, screw that!! But when they were in town we cleared it all up and she didn't even want to be in there, but I left it open for her! Now it's this!! I hate to make her get a hotel room since she doesn't make the best of money, but those first couple weeks are a huge adjustment!!! I don't need anyone around!! Plus when my MIL does come to my house things tend to get switched around and then I can't find anything! My husband understands how I feel but feels bad making her get a hotel room if it's just her, although we live in a tiny four room house!! It's a joke! But I've decided this is one thing I'm putting my foot down about and that's, NO house guests for the first couple weeks, maybe month!!

 

Lily - April 20

Lynn, yes, I think you've just answered your own problem! Be honest with her. Maybe make plans for her to come down after 2 weeks of having the baby home. Tell her that you're just not in any mood to be a hostess or visit when rest is what you need. But like any controlling MIL make sure you're firm in your decision, and even get you're hubby to back you up if he feels the same. I wish I had your options with my family. My husband and I are both a long ways from either of our families, his from PA and mine from BC Canada...So we'll have 5 extra house guests the week my baby is born...However only one of them will be staying with us, my mother...And we have a good excuse too, not enough room for everyone! LOL Good Luck!

 

Maleficent - April 20

after my daughter was born we had so many people who came to "help" that we were not alone for over a month. and MIL was the worst of it. she compleatly took over our older child, so we didn't even get to include him in getting to know his new sister. mil took him out all day every day and bought him toys and totally over indulged him. by the time she left we had to "de-program" him. she made me feel like a bad mom for not giving him more attention, how could i give him any attention? he was never home! this time around i had DH tell her that she was not invited untill after the first month. she was mad, but she'll get over it. get your husband on your side, lay out some rules for after the baby comes and stick with them!

 

Maddie - April 20

Isn't there just something about your OWN mother that is a lot more comforting than your MIL? I love my MIL, but I always feel the need to "justify" my actions, or "explain" why things are how they are in my house.

 

DarleneB. - April 20

Sounds a little like Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. I just found out that I'm pregnant 3 weeks ago (I'm 37 and was told that I couldn't get pregnant again - woops - but that's another story :). Tell your MIL that the doctor highly recommends that you, your husband and any siblings bond alone with your new baby for the first 3-4 weeks after birth. If you put it off on someone else, it will make you look better. Of course you'll have to say that you agree with your doctor. This will be my 3rd child. My first will be 13 and my second will be seven and I still want my Mommy!!! It's different for a new mom and her own mom than with a new mom and her MIL. Best of luck - but overall, just remember that you're worrying about something that just may work itself out without putting too much effort in. Good luck :O)

 

Lynn - April 20

I TOTALLY agree! I think that we do most of the child -rearing & that we tend to do things likeour mothers did them. I am constantly explaining to her why my stepson doesn't get soda & snacks and has limited TV.. because she let her kids do everything they wanted & doesn't see the need for bedtimes & rules. He's 9 & I think he's old enough to start helping around the house, clear the table, load the dishwasher, take his laundry downstairs to the laundry room (actually I think he should have BEEN doing this sort of thing).. my MIl thinks he's TOO young, he shouldn't have to help with that stuff! It's hard with the stepson because I'm in a weird position where I can't really say too much.. at least with my own kids I'll be able to lay down the law. As for having my own mom around. you're right, I don't want some crazy MIL helping me with b___stfeeding problems, seeing my b___bs (although after a feww weeks of b___stfeeding I probably won't care who sees my b___bs) and all the more personal aspects of recovery and the first few weeks. Plus, the whole thing with her taking control over my stepson, that would TOTALLY happen right away & we only get him evry other weekend... which amounts to about 15% of the year total, not that much at all, so he's gona need all the time he can get to bond with his little brother/sister. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. At first I though maybe I was just being a___l about it, or maybe because I'm not all too friendly with the woman, maybe I was just being b___hy. But now I'm glad to know that other people are on the same level as me!

 

leslie - April 20

I am exactly the same way, she already said the she was going to come for a FEW WEEKS!!! if my mom did not come, my mom lives 200 miles away and my MIL lives like 3 hrs away only..so what I am going to do is lie to her!!! I am telling her my mom is flying over here, and then after labor "OOPS FORGOT TO MENTION MY MOM COULD NOT MAKE IT!!" That way she wont' come running and telling me how to do everything!!

 

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