Really Need Adivce So Upset And Confused

30 Replies
Alannie - July 11

I am 18 years old and pregnant and really need some advice. Me and my boyfriend both work full time (exact same hours 8-4:30 Monday - Friday) In the fall, he will go back to (high)school and I will be in college. This fall will be OK, but my job will only be part-time, so I will probably have to work two. When I have the baby in February, I have NO clue what I will do. I know I can't be in school then, but my boyfriend will have to be and then will have to work after school so I'm afraid he'll never see the baby. And I don't know what to do with the baby while I'm at work - I will hopefully qualify for KidCare (an IL program for cheaper daycare) but I'm just so confused. I'm worried about making enough money, supporting this family - I feel like I am taking too much of the responsibility on my own...it seems like my boyfriend is hardly saving money - he just doesn't realize what this is going to be like! Does anyone have any advice as to what I can or should do ...anyone else been in my situation? What did you do? Please help! I feel so alone here! I've talked to my boyfriend but he just keeps spending his money on stupid things and I don't make enough to save esp. after car payments and all that... =( I'm so upset!!

 

Lissie - July 11

I wish I could help you. But all I can do is tell you I know what you mean. My hubby just keeps buying DVD's and stuff for his car (which I hate, I miss my cavalier). He's in for a rude awakening when this baby comes.

 

C - July 11

From the sound of it, it looks like your bf isn't quite ready to be a dad. You can't really expect a teenage boy to drop everything and be responsible with his money. My husband is 29 and STILL has a hard time with spending!! I don't know you or your bf, so I'm just making general statements here, please don't get offended. If you don't make much money, Medicaid is always an option for baby's insurance (one less bill to pay!). Do you have any family that would watch your baby while you're at work?

 

Alannie - July 11

We do have family that would watch the baby, but I just feel bad doing that. I mean, they know that we are young and don't have a ton of money, but I don't know. His grandma is SO happy about the baby - happier than anyone besides me and him ofcourse (NOT that this baby was planned but, it is my baby and I am so happy) so I think she would be more than willing to watch him/her. And my WHOLE family is supportive but most of them (besides my mom and step-dad) don't live near me and they both work all day so they are out of the question. Most of his family is VERY supportive, but there are some who try to put us down like we're horrible or something - most of it comes from his cousins girlfriend who apparently doesn't like me, for what reason, I don't know. But I'm afraid that if his gma watches the baby they will just talk and say, "See, we knew they couldn't take care of that baby - they are bad parents". But that's not going to be true! I am going to be the best mom that I can. I guess we will have to do what we can. Honestly, she can talk if she wants - as long as I am making money for my family and have someone responsible to take care of my baby during the day, I guess it will be ok. But there is still so much more I'm worried about! =\

 

C - July 11

If his grandmother wants to watch the baby, I say let her! Just make sure you supply her with all the diapers and formula she needs during the day. That's what families are for! As for you cousin's gf - don't worry about her. I'm betting that she's a little jealous... I know it will be hard, but after a while, you'll find your own "normal" Try not to stress too much. Maybe you can make a list of all the things on your mind, and talk to you bf (and your parents) about them. Maybe they can help give you some ideas about all the things that are worrying you. Sorry I couldn't be any more of a help!

 

Alannie - July 11

Aw C..thanks! That's a really good idea, I will definitely have to try that. =)

 

J - July 11

Sounds like you are both not ready for this baby. If you can receive help from anyone I would do it!!! Your going to need all the help you can get. Since you are not making alot of money you probably will qualify for some government a__sistance and maybe even childcare a__sistance. Where will you live? It doesn't sound like you can count on your boyfriend I can't imagine having a baby that young it will be hard. Have you considered adoption? Good luck.

 

S - July 11

I just want you to know i had my son when i was 19 (im 22 now) me and my bf worked non stop. we never even saved money and we were ok. i got discount child care and it was a really good daycare, not some cheap place. but i only paid like $8 a week! and it normally was about 120. but anyways, i know it seems really hard right now, but it really wont be that bad. i definitely think you need to talk to him because he should be more supportive thats for sure. my bf was there for me all the way. if not i would of kicked his b___t. but i just wanted to let you know ive been there, it WILL be ok and everything will fall into place. just take it easy and try not to be so stressed, its not good for the baby. good luck to you ok? and make that dude listen to you!!!!! cya

 

Alannie - July 11

Uh, I'm not giving my baby up for adoption - that doesn't seem right to me, considering I have a wonderful family and am a good person, I could not even think of giving up my baby. I don't think you understand. I AM making enough money to live OK, just not great... together me and my boyfriend make $3000 a month... I know, not great, but it is OK for now... We will probably move in with my cousin who wants to move here - she's just getting out of the military and wants to move to Peoria, where I live. I will probably get public aid while I have to and also be on WIC. Also, I don't think you should judge my boyfriend in any way... he is a great person and yes, he is young, but he is thinking a lot about the baby and what we will have to do - it's just hard because...we are young. I know you are trying to help, but our minds are made up, we are keeping him/her and everything - I am really looking for someone that has gone through this same thing....???

 

Alannie - July 11

S!! Thank you!

 

Ruby - July 11

Alannie, don't worry about what other people will think about Granny taking care of the baby. You have to work to support your family or go to school to ensure a good future. If granny weren't watching the baby, someone else would have to. Being a stay at home mom is a luxury not many families can afford, so it's kind of expected that you will have to leave the baby during the day to go to work or school. As for your boyfriend, sit down with him and go over what is needed for the baby right away, like furniture etc. and then go over what monthly expenses you will have and decide exactly how he will contribute. I'm sure to him the birth of the baby is far away and he thinks he can deal with money issues once he/she is born. In the meantime, to get ready for the baby, try buying furniture and clothes at yard sales or second hand stores. Don't be ashamed to accept help from whoever offers it. You will save a tone of money that way. You don't get everything at a baby shower.

 

A - July 11

I really commend you on your maturity of the whole situation you are in. You are 18 and seem more mature than a lot of older women who finds themself pregnant in your situation. My cousin got pregnant her last year of high school and her and her boyfriend both had scholarships to college. They decided to get married after the baby was born and they both went on to college, and yes it has been hard for them. Their child is now 2,but they have a ton of family support and let family watch the child. If you are fortunate enough to have family that can help, that is the best way to go. I myself would rather my mother watch my child even if I could afford child care. There is no shame if family helping. My husband's and my family are buying everything for our baby because I cannot work due to spinal problems which can only be corrected after baby is born and will be forced to stay home for awhile after baby is born. We are moving to my parent's home right before baby is born to help us pay our bills easier until I go back to work and after I have surgery. I do not feel ashamed, but my husband does feel less of a man, which is understandable, but I think, that is what family is for. Let your family do for you and yours what they can. Our culture today seems to make you think if you can't do it on your own then you are not successful. Don't let that thinking get you down. You are still young and can give your child a great future. Just don't give up and stay in College no matter how hard it gets. It will be worth it in the end. Also, let the gov't. help if they can. Take care, I hope this helps.

 

J - July 11

Not trying to judge you are your boyfriend and the adoption suggestion was just a suggestion I don't think people who give their babies up for adoption are bad people at all but good people because they want their children to have a good life. I also understand that you want to keep your baby I just wondered if you had considered it. No offense against your boyfriend but I wouldn't expect that a high school boy would be ready for fatherhood. I remember thinking back to my high school boyfriend and friends and they are very immature. It sounds like you are a hard worker and you will find a way to make it work.

 

Alannie - July 11

A, thank you. I also have a scholarship, but it is only for $1000...so next spring, I don't know how I will afford it, but hopefully things will work out, because I need to go to college, it's always been important to me. Thanks for all your help.

 

A - July 11

Whoever has problems with letting the gov't help are probably stigmatized by those who do/did take advantage. Clearly Alannie is not doing that. She is being very responsible and that is why there is gov't a__sistance for people like her who are trying. She is not just sitting back expecting everyone else to give her handouts. So whoever said that, get off your high horse. My husband and I understand how frustrating it is when you need help from the gov't and can't get it because my husband makes a whole $50 too much a month for medicaid and WIC and we do not have insurance, due to the premium of $1000.00 a month, who can afford that. We did not intend to get pregnant while I was off work, and I do have a BSN and worked my b___t off to get through college. Unfortunately we cannot afford many things either and understand that the gov't has these programs for a reason and it is the people who use it for the right reason who catch hell for it while the others that come across the border and get on medicaid or Title V without a social security number and get everything free. So if you want to get on a soap box, get on one about that. I would gladly pay my taxes to let the gov't help those who truly need it and don't abuse it. Alannie, don't listen to these others who just want to bash you. It is not worth your time, emotion, or energy. Just skip what they say and don't even take the time to respond, it is not worth it. You are too mature to mess with that nonsense. You are doing the right thing. You go girl. I support you all the way. I know how hard it is to have a child in college, as my cousin did it and so did my best friend, but just know, it can be done. Think about applying for grants as well. I had to do that and it helped out tremendously. There is a way if you are focused and try really hard and don't give. Lean on your family and friends for support. I really feel for you and get a sense that you are for real so F*** those others who give you a hard time. If you need advice I would love to help you. Good luck.

 

Alannie - July 11

A, Thank you so much, your comments have really helped me and I feel myself calming down a little bit. I'm still worried, because I know it will be hard, but I'm ready for it. Thanks again and good luck to you too!

 

Christy - July 11

Alannie, take all the help your family will give you. I'm sure they understand how hard it is on you trying to get through college, and I'm sure they want you to finish. Everything will work out. It is so easy to stress over these things. As far as saving money, well I'm 27 and not very good at that. Get your college degree so life will be easier as your family grows. Good luck.

 

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