Seems Long But A Must Read Being A Mum

28 Replies
Ashley - March 1

Seems long, but a really good read..... Being a Mum - for a mom/mom to be.... We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender ident_ty will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

 

E - March 1

Okay, I am in tears now... Great post Ashley:) I already feel about my unborn son, much of what the woman is describing.

 

rose - March 1

i too am in tears!!! what a wonderful way of putting it and sooo true...that is an amazing way of putting it...thank you for sharing that story...i will pa__s it on......

 

~m~ - March 1

OMG! That is so beautiful! I am sitting her with tears fillling my eyes! You are so right. I especially like the part about falling in love with your husband all over again. There is something about a baby laying on daddy's shoulder, with daddy crying because baby is sick!! Ashley, this is a testament to all mothers/mothers-to-be (and daddy's!). You have hit the nail on the head my dear. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post! And best of luck to your daughter! If she is anything like you, she will make a wonderful mommy!

 

Missy - March 1

What a way to make a girl cry!! Ashley, god bless you and your family! You have more than a way with words! I am pregnant for the first time and as much as the thought of being someone's "Mom" scares the living heck outta me, reading things such as your post make me realize that it is all more than worth it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.....

 

E - March 1

Ashley, did you write this or is it something you found? I was under the impression you found this and pasted it for us. If not, WOW!!

 

Ashley - March 1

OH MY GOSH.... should of worded it diffrently!!! Wish I wrote that but found it on line! Sorry about the confusion!!! I too am pregnant for the first time and when I came across this it made me feel better so I thought I would post it. So sorry... should of worded it diffrently but I can't take credit where credit is not due! Good luck all and enjoy!

 

E - March 1

I thought you were too young to have a prego daughter:) The post is wonderful, no matter who wrote it.

 

~m~ - March 1

Oops! Brain fart on my part! I see now that you say it is a really good read. Still, thank you so much for posting it!

 

tiffani - March 1

That's powerful and tear provoking. What a wonderful story. I'm going to print it out for my daughter, and my mom. Thanks!

 

n - March 1

Good one ashley, trying to pa__s this one off as your own!

 

rose - March 1

does n stand for....im not even gonna say it....ashley did no such thing! others just interpreted it wrong!

 

heidi - March 1

oh my..am in so many tears weeping so loudly my bf wants to know what is the matter with me..that is the sweetest thing I ever heard and what I really needed to hear!!!

 

~m~ - March 1

OMG! "n", did you leave off the ancy! FYI, I didn't pay close enough attention when I first read it. It is obvious she is quoting! NOT trying to make it her own! PS - Did you see my post to you this morning before you cried to the editor? If not, I'll paste it into a new thread for you!

 

Missy - March 1

So, just for the record, I am just retarded and thought she wrote it, and then on a second read realized "Duh" so I didn't think she was trying to pa__s it off, we all just read it and took it for face value and who ever "n" is should really not try to stir up issues when this is all brought about by a beautiful thread posting by Ashley. And "n", for your sake (not that I am the one threatening ANYTHING) for your sake, I hope you aren't nancy and I hope you don't try to stir up trouble 'cuz it's been on heck of a week already on this forum and the hormones are a'ragin!!!!!!!

 

Ashley - March 1

HUH??? Why would you even imply that Missy? Are you trying to get my hormones raging? Thats kinda cold to imply don't you think? Well that just goes to show that when you try and do something nice it'll just b__w up in your face!

 

~m~ - March 1

Hey Ashley. I don't like to speak for other people, but I think Missy is talking to "nancy". She, like me, misunderstood earlier, and so "n" aka nancy, tried to be rude to you. I don't think Missy is meaning disprespect to you. If that nancy person resurfaces, it will probably get ugly. LOL If she does, I'm just gonna start a new thread just for her sorry a__s! LOL

 

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