Should We Have A Baby

18 Replies
anon - July 8

My boyfriend and I really want to have a baby but we don't know if we should. We know we can support it and we know we'll have enough time for it. (I'm in college but we know we'll have the time for a child, that's not really a concern.) It would grow up in a stable environment and it would be happy and healthy. That's not why we don't know if we should go ahead with it. The reason we're not sure is because we're not married yet. (Notice I said YET. We want to get married but our families don't think we're ready for it so they'd probably fight us to the end. If we didn't respect their opinions, we would probably be engaged already.) Anyway, our families would probably freak out if we had a baby now. (Plus, he's a little older than me, although that didn't cause as much of a reaction as I had expected.) He has a good job with benefits and I also have a pretty good job, although it's part time because I am in college. Anyway, anyone have some advice or opinions? As of now, we're just thinking about it, but we both really want one.

 

Jamie - July 8

My advice - respect your families, by all means - but if you're ready to be engaged/married/have a family - DO IT. Don't wait until everyone else thinks you're ready. I eloped with a man I had known for 6 weeks, against my family's wishes, and I could not possibly be happier. We've been married for over a year now, and are expecting our first child. It's YOUR life, not your family's. Besides - if you wait until THEY'RE comfortable with it, it'll never happen.

 

Melanie - July 8

If you can't stand up to your family about wanting to get married, it doesn't sound like you two should be thinking about having kids yet. Wait 'til your out of college. Taking care of and raising a baby is a huge responsibility. Focus on school now, baby later.

 

Julie - July 8

Sounds like you are moving ahead of yourself too fast. Have you thought about finishing college first? Do you own a home? A baby is very expensive have you thought about whether or not you will work or stay home with the baby? I know couples have babies these days out of marriage but perhaps you should wait until you have a stronger committment.

 

KrisD - July 8

I just find it very odd that the two of you were willing to respect the wishes of your parents and not even get engaged, however you are willing to conceive a child. Wouldn't that upset them even more?

 

my opinion - July 8

If you can't stand up to your families and get married, you are not ready to be a parent.

 

anon - July 8

I think in the back of my head I always knew that, but I guess I just needed to hear it from an objective point of view.

 

Melanie - July 8

Don't worry, anon. You're time will come. Have fun being young!

 

valerie - July 8

anon I just wanted to let you know I can sympathize with you completely...we are in almost the exact same situation. Except it is me with the good job and my bf is in college still. We aren't married yet, but we do live together(a tragedy in his mother's eyes although she has put up a very loving and supportive front thank God).....anyway we would like to have a child, but everyone (except my dad and stepmom and grandmother) would be devastated, just because we aren't married. It doesn't take a marriage license to make you loving parents. We have the opposite problem as you though, everyone and their brother is telling us to get married "you have been together so long, when in the world are you going to get married?!?!" and I mean EVERYONE it is crazy. And that makes us want to push it off even more because everyone is making such a huge deal about it! We were going to elope, but his side of the family would be absolutely devastated and beyond p__sed if we did that, but yet they won't help pay for a wedding because it is tradition for the bride's parents to pay...and my parents don't have the money! So we decided to just not get married right now. Anyway my bf has NO problem whatsoever with what everyone thinks, but it really bothers me that people wouldn't be happy for me when I get pregnant, just because I don't have that ring on my finger....it really hurts my feelings. Anyway I don't really have any answers for you, I just wanted to let you know I do know how you feel, and it's very confusing. On one hand, I know I should just wait til we're married, because then it won't cause such an uproar, but at the same time I think why delay something we want so badly, just to make everyone else happy, you know??

 

Bitch - July 8

If you have to ask a forum then obviously you aren't ready- when you are ready you just know that you are.

 

valerie - July 8

She knows she's ready, she's just nervous about what her family will think...caring what other people think does not mean you aren't sure you want to have a baby...it means you respect other people's feelings. She was asking advice on how to deal with that matter...not saying "I don't know if I want one, do you think I do??"...

 

Melanie - July 8

Hey Valerie - she asked us for our opinion - so we're just giving it to her.

 

valerie - July 8

jeez you guys really like to argue...I wasn't saying you shouldn't give your opinion, I was just saying I don't think "b___h" understood what she was asking...

 

valerie - July 8

I wasn't disagreeing with you melanie...

 

Jessica F. - July 8

If your parents have that much hold on you in regards to you marrying this guy don't you think they will be very unhappy about a baby??

 

Melanie - July 8

In "B___h's" defense - the t_tle of her post is "Should we have a baby?" - if that's not asking us if she should have one, I don't know what is...

 

Cindy - July 8

Sounds like you are both of sound mind, mature, and responsible -- but why not be married yet? Although it is admirable to respect each other's families doen't mean you have to live by their dictates! If you are emotionally ready and feel and know for sure that you and your partner have the same values and goals in the future-- don't let anyone else's (family or not) influence your decision-- for both the wedding and baby and whatever else comes your way thereafter.

 

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