Stranger Danger

13 Replies
Lissi - July 14

I'm hoping to stay home with my child for at least the first 5 years. I can't really afford it, but I don't trust anyone else to take care of her. I'm worried, as I'm sure most of you are, about what could happen to my child when I'm not around to protect her. E's thread from yesterday, got me thinking. How do you warn your child about bad people, and what could happen to them, without giving them too much information? I don't want my daughter to grow up a nervous wreck and I don't want to ruin her innocence, so what and when should you tell them about these things???

 

Jessie V - July 14

My Mom always told me don't talk to someone you don't know. She told me that people might "steal" me. I was never scared. I knew not to go near any cars if someone wanted to talk to me. She never lied to me and always told me the truth about stangers.

 

Karen - July 14

I agree with you. Just the taughts of someone harming him makes me want to kill. Unfortunatly our children are more at risks of being harm by someone we know and trust than a complete stranger. That scares me even more.

 

Lissi - July 14

Well, this is the problem. I was abused by a member of my own family when I was growing up, but I was too scared to tell anyone. I think if someone had actually bothered to talk to me about it I might have had the courage to confess, and my life would have been very different. The thing is, how do you approach such a delicate subject with a child, without telling them too much and making them feel uncomfortable? I think from my own experience, I would recognise if something was wrong with my child, because it completely changed my personality, but I would really love to prevent it from happening in the first place. Fortunatley, my abuser is out of the picture now, and I think I can trust other members of my family, but how much can you really trust anyone?

 

Mimi - July 14

Hey Lissi I know how you feel, I am pregnant with my second child, I have stayed home threwout the fist one except a period of six months when I wanted to go back to work for several reasons, for him to be around other kids for me to be around other adults, in a way I felt like he was missing something being home with me all the time, so I went to work it was very hard I found a good daycare by my home but it was more to the eye with that daycare....after he came home a couple times with bite marks I flew off the handle whats the deal, everytime I would go to pick him up he would always be in a Jonny Jumper but what really made me pull the plug is he got pneumonia for one of the other kids there, I found out that the lady whom owned it "favored" certain parents and would allow thier children to come in sick. Well that was it after that I was home again and been here ever since, I plan on staying home with this one too!

 

Karen - July 14

So sorry to hear that Lissi. I for one do not fully trust anyone. When my baby sister was 1 I started talking to her and telling her not to make anyone touch her in her private parts. It worked once the lady taking care of her was giving her a bath and when she went to wipe her in her private she told her no firmly and the lady had to give her the rag for her do it her self. I plan on doing the same with my son. Unfortunatly I cannot stay home but I am getting the next best thing to me or my mother. My MIL I feel confident that he will be in good hands with her. All I can say is have a good relationship with your children and talk to them, I feel this will make it easier for them to tell you anything. I always ask my newphew how is day was and what he did etc. You have to make them feel comfortable. Signs are always there. If the child is uncomfortable around someone that is a wake up call.

 

Lissi - July 14

Maybe I'll do that then. It's so hard, because I want to her to feel confident around people. I used to feel uncomfortable and embarrased if my dad even hugged me, because I was wondering if it would lead to something else. My dad wasn't my abuser and I'm now sure that he could never do anything like that to a child, but It's awful to think that all the time I was growing up, I was wondering that about him. Just hope I can make my kids aware of these thigs without making them paranoid.

 

tara - July 14

I think Karen's approach is the best way. Let your child know that noone should be touching her privates and if anyone does or wants to she should come to you right away; even if that persons says not to. That's what I'm planning to do with my chilren. When you have a good trusting relationship with your children they will come to you; and if they don't you would know when something is wrong. As soon as your daughter starts to talk be her friend and that friendship and trust will grow. I think kids need to be in a social environment with other kids. There are a set of social skills that they will learn that's hard to teach them at home, so I'm planning to have my child in daycare maybe 1-2days a week. The rest of the time I'll be counting on my mother and mil to look after my child. Well, that's the plan but we'll see how it goes.

 

Jessica F. - July 14

My mother had a totally different approach. When I was 3 years old and my brother was 5 my little sister was born. We were at my mom's friends house showing off the new baby and my brother and I decided to go for a walk. The house we were in was downtown we got out the back gate and started walking. We were gone for hours. We tried finding our way back but that didn't work. Finally we got so tired we just walked up to a house and knocked on the door. We told the old lady that we were lost and couldn't find our mommy. She called the cops, sat us on the front steps with a gla__s of lemonaide and talked to us. (she had to have been in her 60's) I agree with warning your kids about strangers, but I also urge you to talk to your kids about good strangers. Granted we could have been knocking on a crackheads door or child molestor's door but God was with us that day. Mom came about 30 minutes later. She had been looking for us the whole time and was frantic! All in all a terrifying experience for everyone involved became a learning experience. Remember even if you think your child is safe doesn't mean that is true. By the way, my mom was a stay at home mom for 11 years and this still happened to her. (we were told not to go outside, we just didn't listen)

 

Tami - July 14

Hey ladies. it is a such a difficult thing to decide just what to tell your children. You also don't want to have them fear all strangers though, becuase they need to be able to discern when they might need help from a stranger. I don't know if any of you heard the news recently-but a little boyscout here in Utah wandered away and was lost on a campout. He was lost for three days, until they finally found him. he told his parents that he could hear people calling his name and they were really close to him on the trail, but he was too afraid of strangers to say anything! Just like in the story Jessica F. told, we need to make sure our children can discern good strangers from bad-if possible and know to ask for help if they need it! That said, I am goign to make sure my child knows what bad touching is and to tell me immediately. Also the usual, avoid strangers and stuff like that. It is hard to know where to draw the line though!

 

Katharine - July 14

My daughter and I have lots of discussions. Our best was last year in the car, when she was three. We talked about what to do if someone tried to touch her "swimsuit" areas, a friend brought out a gun, a stranger offered her toys or food, someone wanted her to go with them, etc. We just discussed these issues matter-of-factly and did some scenarios. Every now and then, we review those topics with "what if" scenarios. For instance, when we're shopping at the mall and she wonders out of sight for a moment-I ask her what she would do if she couldn't find me. Answer-go to someone with a nametag or a mom with a child (best bets, I figure). We also take time at the store to point out moms, security and employees, so she know how to find them. She understands how serious these are, but isn't freaked out or nervous. I think by discussing them frequesntly, she is more likely to follow through on the solutions I have given her. Also, we always discuss the events of her day and interactions with other people.

 

*********** - July 14

I think that all children should be taught that it is wrong for anyone to be touching their body. I was s_xually abused at 9 years at a christmas party by a friend of my parents. Most victims of abuse know their abuser

 

Katharine - July 14

Also, one thing that I have learned from a mom-friend who is a preschool teacher that it is important that kids know the correct terminology for their body parts. That way, if, God forbid, anything happened to them, or someone tried to touch them inappropriately, they could accurately describe what happened. She referenced a case in which a child only had kiddie-vocabulary to describe the situation and it caused problems with the case. I must admit, though, that I am guilty of this myself! I really need to switch to more appropriate terms.

 

tara - July 14

unfortunately the world that we live in these days you can't trust anyone. Not even people that you (think) you know! And no matter how cautious you are (even stay at home moms) bad situations will still occur. But at the same time we can't scare our children so that they can't talk to anyone. The best we can do is prepare them for what could happen and what they need to do if they find themselves lost or dangerouse situation. Kathrine, I think it's great what you do with your daughter and teaching her who she can go to if anything happens and she can't find you.

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?