Third Child Yes Or No

22 Replies
CMJ - July 29

We all seem to be doing the 2.3 children per houshold thing but I'm not sure going for the third or shall I say building a personal hockey teem or even football team is good or healthy for the kids or parents economically regardless of income . We throw our children out to sitters so we can earn a living and I have always seen some of the children in large families get cheated in life ... so here I am looking for some examples or stories to tame my doubts because it is important that the two I have recieve a good childhood and bright future with their parents present and very minimal sitting .

 

E - July 29

I respect your concerns very much. How about adopting a third child from overseas? Even a babysitter setting would be healthier for an adopted overseas child, rather than the child to live his life in an orphanage. What a beautiful experience that could be for your biological children. We plan to adopt after having two of our own.

 

To E - July 29

Thankx E I think you've got a great idea I I I , appreciate the idea ! ....by the way you are all over this sight , I am the one who posted the mans prayer in the I WANT A WIFE thread - CMJ

 

E - July 29

I am all over it, for sure. I managed several hours yesterday, without posting. I have no life:) DH is home and has Aja, so I have some true free time. Hey, I ironed today!!! DH said it was a miracle and I thought, it would be a miracle if he ironed. I am glad you like the adoption idea. It is easier said than done, and is a long process, which costs $$$. Still, I am intrigued by the idea and really want to extend my love to a child in desperate need. Just think of the social change would occur if everyone adopted one child? Oh, what a beautiful thought!!!!

 

melonbelly - July 29

I think it's possible to have a large, happy family. I don't know about having 6 or 7..but 3 or 4 seems manageable to me. Besides, I think it's nice for the kids to have so much family when they're older. As parents, we won't be around forever, but the kids can count on each other for a long time. Economically, yes it can be hard, but as long as their basic needs are met, they would do fine with a big, loving family as opposed to a mound of material things that don't mean much.

 

N - July 29

E, i'm serious, you must be like my long lost twin or something. Me and my hubby have been discussing adoption. My hubby wants three kids, but i told him "darlin' i ain't birthin' no more babies any time soon" and that i would really really like to adopt. His dad was adopted as well so we know we'll have 100% support there. I can't help it, i watch a commercial about 3rd world countires and i cry because a baby somewhere doesn't have a mommy. I would have to send the hubby to go get the baby because i would bring them all home. Have you seen adoption story on TLC? I cry every time.

 

To E - July 29

You are very sensible and I'm really going to mull over your idea . My wife and I talked about foster care some time ago but the horror stories about that area are abundant .... In the mean time I have a prayer for your DH to take with him to work which if he rolls it around in his mind all day it just might happen > I AM A MAN , I CAN IRON , IF I HAVE TO , I GUESS >LOL..... Have a great day E CMJ

 

E - July 29

Well, thanks everyone for being so open to my idea. I understand the need to procreate but often we forget about the existing and suffering children. I refuse to allow my biological urges to outweigh what I know is right, for my family. CMJ - I had no idea that you are a man!! So we have, BBK, Josh (JLo) and CMJ. Please know that when I am picking on men, it's all in good fun and is mere entertainment for my lamo life. I know that what is funny to me is not funny to all. I even made DH dinner tonight, thanks to Semper, or was it Sonx? Not sure but one of them told me to get off my a__s and make DH a hot meal. N - if we are twins, my mom has even more explaining to do. She already has a plateful of explaining as it is:) Well, I am off to clean the kitchen. Later!!

 

to melonbelly - July 29

my wife has a friend who has 11 children the most living at home were 10 kids . It was a precious experience to have stayed with them for a few days . It was a thrill for them to have me participate in a game of tag and because there were 9 girls and 1 boy the boy took to me excessively , but although the household ran very efficiently it was huge for them to have recieved a box of ice cream popcicles from me . They hadn't seen a gift like that for more than a year . I come from a family of 6 kids and you are right it shouldn't be a materialistic world ... soooo are you going to hold my yard and garage sale for me ?

 

E - July 29

Oh, I forgot to add - adopting a child is going to be an educational experience for your children that will be unlike anything else. No school can provide a chance to learn in such a way. Not only are you doing the adopted child a favor, but your children stand to benefit as much. Think of the kindness and love that will become of them. No spoiled brats in that home!!

 

To E - July 29

you could be right about NO SPOILED BRATS but my kids are quite spoiled already . CMJ stands for Cinderella Man Junior ... I say Junior more as a wanna be because I want my kids to have a good life and my wife too or should I say especially . CMJ

 

P - July 29

I think you are my doppelganger E! I've been wanting to adopt a baby for so many years now! It's so expensive (I think the average here is about $25 grand - unless you want a chinese baby, then it's about $40 grand) and since I'm single it's harder to come up with the coin ya know? I just found out that the Canadian government gives 15-year loans at prime to people who want to adopt. I think I'm going to look into that. I don't really care where the baby comes from but I think I would want a girl. They always seem to have it so much worse than little boys. I was looking at Russian children about 7 years ago and still think that's the way I'll go especially since my bf speaks russian. Seems like a sign to me. :)

 

Bump - July 31

BUMP

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - July 31

Adoption is a wonderful idea. I have a close friend going through the adoption process right now. She's adopting from Russia and just had her first home visit/ inspection. She's hoping to have the baby (who will be between 1 and 2 yrs old) in the next 18 months. We were talking the other day about the fact that the baby she is in the process of adopting is months away from conception. Kind of a crazy thought. Another point to mention, many employers now contribute to the high cost of adoption. I know my friend (whose husband is in the military) will be receiving funding from her job and her husbands. She has to pay about $42,000 up front, but then after the baby is officially adoptred, she'll be reimbursed all but about $18,000. So it's definitely worth it to check with your employer to see if there is any adoption a__sistance. As far as your original question, we struggled with this one too. Funny enough, E was one of the people who helped convince me to go for it. I was raised with 2 brothers, my husband was raised with 4 sisters, so we knew we wanted a larger family. We always talked about 4 as being our magic number, but with #3 on the way, i'm beginning to feel as if this little one will be our last. While we have unlimited love to give to our children, we do have limited finances. It's always been important for me to stay home with the kids, and if I want to continue to do that, there comes a point and time when the baby making has to stop. I am just beginning to realize the expenses of older children. My oldest, who is just 3, will be starting preschool this Sept. We have to pay $140/mo for school, plus supply fees, activity fees, and field trip expenses. Needless to say, we had a bit of sticker shock. My 19 month old will be starting school next fall, so then it's double the cost. You may be lucky however and find that your school system has it's own program, and if it does, it's free. Unfortunately, ours does not, unless you are financially challenged, then they offer a Head Start program. Anyways, I ramble on about this to enlighten you, as no one bothered to do for me. If you can provide the necessities for another child, I say go for it, whether it's through adoption or another biological child. Hope this helps! :o)

 

E - July 31

Tiff- I had no idea that I played a part in your getting pregnant again:) This must have been around the end of my pregnancy, if I remember correctly? You all will probably play a part in my next baby as well. P - best wishes with trying to adopt. I think it is the most selfless act on this planet. Loving a baby that is not yours, as if it were. We may adopt a toddler, b/c they are more difficult to place. I feel so sad when I think of a child not bewing rocked, touched, loved... You don't know until you have your own, and you place them in that horrible situation. Suddenly, every child feels like your own.

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - July 31

E~ Yeah, you did. Maybe i'll search through all the old posts and see if I can find it. I think it was in December or January. I'll be sure to either thank you or curse you after we meet this little guy. :o)

 

Seriously bad mood! - August 1

I don't think 3 children is a big family by any stretch of the imagination (6 maybe?). I have two siblings, and I think I've only gained from the experience. The moor the merrier! Where children from big families lose out financially, they gain in other ways, like being surrounded by companions, love and support. There's more to life than material things.

 

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