Totally Freaking Out

27 Replies
rns91294 - June 30

I feel so bad for my husband. I am 29. Not sure I ever really wanted children, but my husband really does. So, I went of the pill 1 1/2 years ago. Everytime I thought I was pregnant, I got a bit excited. Well, I am about 4 weeks pregnant now. Once I realized it was real, I totally lost it. I was so upset crying all day long that I gave myself a migraine that made me physically ill. Here, my husband wants to celebrate, and I can't do anything but tell him I never wanted children, and I think this is a mistake. I feel a little better now that the initial shock is over, and I love to see him walking around smiling, but aren't I the one who is supposed to be glowing? I am scared to death. Never imagined having a child and now am afraid I will resent the child or not love it. Is that awful? Or is this normal to be this scared? I get happy seeing my husband and knowing how excited he is, but his body is not the one going through all these changes. Please tell me this feeling is normal!!!! Help!!! My husband says I am not the only person who has ever felt this way, so I am here in hopes to find that he is right.....

 

mcatherine - June 30

Actaully, what you're feeling is normal. Not all mothers experience it, but it does happen. Your entire life is about to change and that is a scary thing for a lot of women and not everyone can experience instant love for the baby they are growing inside. Knowing what your body is about to go through is also bound to cause hesitation - but as you watch your belly grow, feel your child move and realize the miracle that is taking place, the other parts of pregnancy really do pale in comparison. You don't have to glow. Not all pregnant women breeze right through it - some have very hard times with it. You have the right to complain about it - you're growing another human!!! The gift you have given to your husband is amazing and the regret you're feeling right now will start to fade. You won't feel resent towards your baby and yes, you will love your child more than you ever thought possible. Give yourself a little more time to get used to the idea. Take a walk through the park and watch the littles ones play - listen to them laugh while you hold your husband's hand. Take it easier on yourself - you'll feel better soon!

 

rns91294 - June 30

Thank you mcatherine, but that is the problem. All my life I never got excited when someone brought a baby around, nor did I have any interested in older children as well. That is why I am so scared, but everyone tells me it is differnet when it is your own. I am also scared to be pregnant because I don't want my body to go through these changes (I used to always want to adopt. lol). It's true, I feel like this is something I did for my husband, and now I am scared to death that maybe I should have done what I wanted deep down. I never told him that deep down I never really wanted children until I realized that it is too late now. He says I must have wanted them at some point or I would not have gone off the pill, or talked about having chilren with him. Maybe he is right. Maybe I wanted them until I found out I was really pregnant and am now scared to death, yet I really don't want anything to go wrong. I would never wish something like that...so it scares me too since I have not been to the dr yet to hear everything is okay. I could see myself happy 20 years from now without children, but my husband thinks 20 years from now I would regret not having them. When we got married, I said 3-5 years before children. We are going on 6 years of marraige this year. Maybe I will be an awful mother, although I know he will be a wonderful father. I think it is hard on me because we have not told anyone yet either, so I feel the only person I have to talk to is my husband, and he is so happy I hate to bring him down again. So I am glad I found this forum. Seeing him happy does cheer me up a bit, but deep down, I can't get rid of this awful feeling I have. Thanks for listening and telling me this id normal. I thought I was a terrible person for having these feelings. I guess I just don't think I am ready for children, but then again, I have been told numerous times that you are never truly ready, no matter how much you think you are. Thank you again.

 

rns91294 - June 30

I just think I really need other people to talk to who have been through this. It really helps to know you are not alone.

 

Jennifer28 - June 30

Hi RNS. Wow, reading your story felt like I was looking back at my life just 6 or so months ago... DH and I will be married 5 yrs in Oct. He always wanted to be a daddy b4 he turned 30 - which he will be in Dec. this year. I am 28 - will be 29 when I have my bby. I felt the same way you did my 1st pg. I was scared to death wondering if I had done the right thing for me, my dh and my baby to be. Unfortunately when my pg ended at 8w 5d due to an early miscarriage - I realized how much I did want to be a mommy and how much I was looking forward to making my and dh's family complete. You will feel differently eventually - just let yourself imagine holding a part of you and your husband... I know I can't wait! I am currently 18w 5d and am looking forward to each and every upcoming wonderful (and uncomforatable) moment - being pg and when I finally am holding my lo in my arms. :) Good luck to you and I hope you can be happy for yourself very soon!!

 

Erynn21 - June 30

Being scared is normal. I never really wanted kids, neither did my hubby, actually we both didn't know if we did. We have been married for 10 years and last fall I had a major change of heart and my hormones did a number on me. I became a complete basket case because I wanted to have a baby bad. My hubby got freaked out by it, he didn't believe me and that hurt he just thought it was a crazy whim I was experiencing, but it wasn't. Well we had a big talk about it and we realized that we both were ready. I was in the same boat as you kids drove me crazy, everyone saying oh well you wouldn't understand you don't have kids, oh you're the ones w/out children, bla, bla, bla...My hubby's family is all about kids, he's #6 of 7 I have 20 neices and nephews, you get the idea, well everyone thought I had some kind of problem( couldn't be him). I was so scared to take my pregnancy test because I knew in my heart what it would say, I have felt moments of being completely overwhelmed about being a mom, my life changing, not having as much freedom, but for me I needed that change. I am scared about the future, but now it's more about what kind of world my baby will grow up in I want her to have a wonderful life, I overwhelm myself with worrying about sh*t I cannot control. I think you need to tell someone close to you also about your pregnancy, I also gave myself a migraine from not telling anyone, I felt like I was going to explode, it's good to share with your husband, but to not have anyone else to tell is really hard. This site is good for venting about whatever you need to, and you can find great support also. There also is some dumb stuff on here, just weed out the unnecessary b.s. Good luck.

 

rns91294 - June 30

Thanks Jennifer and Erin. Jennifer, -hearing you went through this with your first pregnancy really helps. I wish you the best of luck with your child now. Although I am scared to death about having a baby, I also don't want anything to go wrong. My husband and I are both 29, and if all goes well, our baby will be born one month before I turn 30, and two months before my husband. I always said i I did not have kids by the time I was 30, I wouldn't have them at all. It is just now that it is real, I start to wonder if it is right. Although, I warned him I would cry when I found out, and not a happy cry. I was right. I knew it would be a hard time for me. And even if I waited 5 years, I think I would have the same reaction. I don't think I would have ever truly been ready, so maybe this is the best. Besides, it means so much to me to see the smile on my DH face. Erynn- Thanks for everything. I will be hanging around here for the next 9 months to keep in touch with all of you. My DR appointment is Jly 12, and as soon as I get a positive check-up, I will be telling my family the news. Then, I will have my sister, Mom and Mother-in-Law I can talk to as well. I will also tell my close friends (although, my best friend already knows, just lives very far away...her baby is 4 months old). I gave myself a migraine the other day from crying hysterically, but I think the initial shock is finally over. Just still terrified. I wish you both the best of luck. Erynn, I know how you feel, my Mother thought my DH and I have been trying without success and kept recommending things for me to do to track ovulation. She is all about babies too. Its funny, I knew when I was ovulating, we tried that one night, and here I am pregnant. Haring all your stories really REALLY helps. Thank you.

 

rns91294 - June 30

It's funny too, because I keep looking at the positive test I took and I get nervous that it was wrong. I am scared to be pregnant, but think I owuld be upset to get my period. Odd thing is that I am very irregular (udually every other month), and for the past three months my AF has been close to being on time. Since I know the date I got pregnant, if I were getting my AF, it would have been exactly on time. So I am scard, but also want it to be true. Boy, hormones do a number to you, don't they?

 

Erynn21 - June 30

I'm glad to be of help, I know it is a scary time. I myself have had moments of oh my gosh what was I thinking? I also probably would have been disappointed if I had gotten my period, but I didn't and that freaked me out. I feel pretty great now, I'm 30wks and it feels so awesome and yes overwhelming. It's funny your MIL was trying to tell you about what was going on w/ your body. Mine never said anything, they all just decided I had a problem, I even had my SIL tell me well we thought you had a problem when I told her it was a planned thing. Ppl may never understand that. You will be amazed at that first appointment, I was in complete shock hearing my baby's heart beat for the first time, it was very real then. It may scare you, but for me anything new I've ever done has scared me. I see kids now and wonder what am I going to be like w/ kids? I think I'll be fine, but it does make me go wow. Take care and I hope this helps.

 

rns91294 - June 30

My first appintment I will only be 6 and a half weeks. I think they are just doing a blood test and walking me through everything. You get the heartbeat later, right? I am slowly realizing that I do want kids, but am just totally freaked out thinking I may not be ready. But are you really ever? And sorry for all the typos in my previous posts......

 

Erynn21 - July 1

Yes you do, I thought @ my first appt. I was 8 weeks, but I was 10 because they calculate from last menstrual period, so I was 2 weeks more. My doc. wasn't sure if we could hear the heartbeat, but there she was, loud and strong. It made my hubby and me both get all teary eyed, it still amazes me. It sounds like you're feeling better knowing that you are not alone, I heard once that if you're over 60% ready then you're ready. With this you're never 100% it's just too big a thing.

 

rns91294 - July 1

6 1/2 weeks at the next appointment is going from my last menstraul cycle. The baby will only be 4 1/2 weeks. lol. I doub't there will be a heart beat yet. But yes, I am feeling much better. Even starting to look forward to it a bit. I know I could have been happy living my life without children, but I don't think my husband could have. And I love him so much that I could not allow him to live his life like that. Every time I see him smile, it makes me realize I am doing the right thing, and as hard as I think it will be...and as terrified as I am, I think it will be okay. Don't be shocked if I post in a couole days that I am scared to death again. I hear I may have my ups and downs. But I will be a member of this forum for the next 8 months. You are right, being around other people going through the same things is helping me a great deal. I need friends right now who are going through this with me, so thank you for being here for me!!!!

 

sophandbob - July 1

You'll probably find that there are women out there who desperately wanted children, may have been trying for ages, have always wanted to be a mother, and still feel the way you do when they find out they are pregnant. i am sure that when all those hormones kick in you will feel better and more positive. Be aware that there is help out there if you seek it. This forum is great for support, but you can also get support though your dr, who can give councelling. this will provide you with someone who is not going to show bias and who is removed from the situation.

 

rns91294 - July 1

Thanks sophandbob! Actually, my friend did IVF and thought she made a mistake afterwards, but I don't think she made herself sick over it like I did. I do plan to tell my doctor what happened, but I know I will be okay. It is just a very scary thing to go through. Knowing that soon, life will change completely. But, I just bought myself some books and had a load of fun shopping for them! So alreay, I am feeling better. Still terrified, but happier about it. I have all you to thank for the support.

 

sophandbob - July 1

I think it is a good sign that you are enjoying shopping for books and things. Reading will help you prepare for what is going to happen, although don't live by them religiously. I nearly fell for that one! One thing I did was to buy a small teddy for my baby in the week I found out I was expecting. I keep it by my bed, and it served as a little reminder of the baby when I wasn't feeling too pregnant, or worried about the baby. (I know have a ma__sive bump, and have no way of missing it and feel preggers). You may find that you are dreading certain aspects, but when they arrive you might enjoy them. I was so worried about the baby moving inside. I thought it would be too 'alien' for me, with it bursting through my belly. It is actually the bit about pregnancy that I enjoy the most. I obsess about it, and worry when I can feel him. I love the feeling it gives! Where abouts r u from?

 

rns91294 - July 1

Buying a little animal sounds like a good idea, but I can't forget I am pregnant, I think it is all I think about. I am walking around in sort of a daze. lol. SOPHANDBOB, how far along are you? My husband and I are from NJ. Its hot and sticky right now. Where are you from?

 

khi - July 1

It is normal to have those feelings. Even if you thought that you didnt want kids the first time you see the heartbeat on the ultrasound and then the baby you will immediately fall in love.

 

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