Trapped

17 Replies
Trapped - August 11

Im suffocating here! Dont know what to do...Ive been with this guy since I was 14, i just turned 21. He wants to marry me next year because I had a baby at the beginning of the year. He loves me I know he does, he bought a house for all 3 of us to live there. Hes a great guy and everything, my daily routine is go to work, pick up baby, go home, cook and attend to my baby and him. He is 26, everything seems perfect to everyone around us but.... This is not what I want! I just want to be 21 and single and not worry about anything or anyone. I want to meet other guys, i dont know if its because ive only had 1 bf, been with only 1 person my whole entire life but just seeing my friends go out to bars and clubs and meeting people makes me sooo jealous. Am I wrong? I mean I do love this guy I guess but I just want to settle down later on in my life not now. Ahhhh im soo miserable. I cant tell him "lets take a break and when im done partying lets get back together", cuz he wont get back with me. I do love my baby and she is not my problem here its just that i feel old. Like im stuck in this routine. And my mother was right, everyone was. Why did I rush things.

 

kellie - August 11

Do what is best for your baby, she is the most important thing in your life now.

 

To Trapped - August 11

I understand why you are feeling the way you do. Normal 21 year olds are going out and having fun. I guess you have to ask yourself if it is worth loosing this guy over wanting to go out and meet other guys? I can tell you from experience, it is hard to find a good guy, especially since you already have a child. Going out to the bars isn't all it's cracked up to be. It could even affect the relationship with your child even if you don't mean for it to. Is there anyway you can go out once a week with friends so you don't feel like you're missing out? Don't do something you'll regret when you're a little older and want a stable husband and lifestyle.

 

trapped - August 11

I cant go out with my friends, i mean atleast not at night and especially to a club or bar. He will get mad, not that he does anything about it but to avoid conflict i just dont go out with friends. I know its not worth losing a good guy over this. I guess this is just a phase right now.

 

trapped - August 11

Thanks a lot, you are right. I will talk to him, maybe one night a month we can both go out with are friends separately to just have fun or something. Its just that i have some friends make comments about me as if they feel sorry for me because i cant go out and i have to stay home.

 

trapped - August 11

After what you said, I do feel better about my life. Thanks.

 

to trapped - August 11

It is hard watching your friends go out and be carefree and you know you have this responcibility hanging over your head. As I said they will be the ones jealous of you in time because you have a baby that you mean the world too and a guy that loves you and wants to be with you. I do understand wanting to experience something new and exciting, but those relationships don't stay new and exciting for long. Do as you are doing and vent and get it off your chest. You're not alone in feeling what you are feeling, do have any other friends with children?

 

trapped - August 11

I have 2 friends that have kids, one of them just had her second baby so she is really busy. The other one has a daughter the same age as my daughter but she goes out all the time, she just leaves her baby with her mom. I mean my mom would love to babysit my baby one night if she could but she works 24/7 so its not possible. Im waiting for the friend with the newborn to be able to go out with the kids of course (shes stayin home 6 weeks)

 

tiffani~90 days to go!! - August 11

Moms are always right, haven't you realized that yet??? I'm 31 and am constantly given the "I told you so" by my mom. Here's the thing, you have this great guy, a wonderful daughter and a secure and loving enviornment right now. You want all that, and you want the freedom of an unattached 21 year old. This is the cla__sic case of "I want my cake and want to eat it too." You can't have both, logic and common sense tells you that. It's a huge gamble to take. You can leave this wonderful man who you claim to love, go out clubbing and partying and meet all kinds of guys, but for what, to realize that what all your friends are out their doing right now is trying to find their "Mr. Right"? The lifestyle gets old rather quickly, but by the time you realize what you've sacrifced to have that lifestyle, it's too late. You have a little girl at home who needs her mother. You made some life decisions that you can't change now, so you may as well make the best of it. Hindsight is 20/20, but unfortunately you've had to realize your reality at such a young age. I think your feelings are completely natural, I just think you should think really long and hard before you give up what you have. Regret can be so painful. I wish you all the best with whatever you choose. :o)

 

... - August 11

You had a baby, sorry but you have to grow up. There is no more partying and drinking and hopping from guy to guy. You made the decision, you have to live with it. I hate it when I see women have kids young and then decide they want to be "young" again and go party and guy hop....I'm really sorry, but maybe you just need to get out of the house once in a while, to help yourself feel better. Now is not a time to be selfish.

 

Stephanie - August 11

Your friends make comments like that because they are JEALOUS! I got pregnant after being with my husband for a month and didn't know what to do. I wanted to party and have fun like my friends but I soon found out that it wasn't what it was all cracked up to be. Three years later I married my husband and have been happy ever since. Your guy is great and it is hard to find men out there that are like that. I don't go out; I work, take care of my child, go to school at night, and take care of my husband. I wouldn't change the way my life is if I had the chance. You are definitly going through a phase! I went through it after my son was born, and didn't marry my husband until I was sure that was what I wanted. We waited until we were both ready and I must say that we couldn't have done it better! You will regret loosing a great guy if you choose partying, bars, and friends over your child and happieness with a great guy! Good Luck Girly! Things will soon look up!

 

firefly - August 11

i think that you need somewhere to vent, not criticism. you can tell us how you feel. i think that To Trapped had a really good point. you should talk to your partner and have him babysit one night a month and you go and join your girlfriends. i always find that going out a few nights with the girls makes me appreciate what i have waiting at home! :-)

 

dayi. - August 11

ok this is my story is not the same but is how i feal.i'm 18 i'm marry and happy.i am not planing on having kids now because is not the right time i still go to college and work my husband is 25.we don't really have friends just a couple like us she is 16 and also marry to my husband best friend he is 23.they both came from there country 6 months ago and are happily marry we both go out have fun but with our husband's and i wouldn't change anything in the world for what i have like i said i am happy i know your life is a rutine but i do agree with those that say your friends are jealous they are out there traying to find mr right for them and they make you feal bad because you have it guess what you should feal sorry for you friends.after all you have what they whant a lovely home and a family a belive me is not worth losing all of that for what your friends are doing after all when you come home and you are tired at night you have a lovely husband by your side but when they go home from clubing guess what they have nothing or when they feal sick i am sure they will love to have a husband who loves them just like yours.i remenber when i got marry everybody use to say well you are to young there is a lot of things you have to learn and do before you get marry and you know what i told them i knoe i am young and i know i have a lot of things to do but i whant to do them with my husband who is the love of my life not with some stupid guy who all he whants is to get lay and they will never even think of you the next day.what you have is a treasure and those who are jealous are who whanted the most so don't feal bad.

 

KLM - August 11

I'm 27 years old and although I am happy to be in a relationship and be having this baby boy I'm a little scared to lose that freedom I had 6 months ago but then I start thinking of that little baby and how much more important he is than anything. My point is that yes you are young but having a child and giving up that freedom is a change for everybody and its just something you give up, but you need to remember that what your getting is a hell of a lot better than some one night stand that you usually end up regretting anyway. Hang in there.

 

trapped - August 11

Thanks to everyone who responded, everything you guys said is right. Sometimes I feel as if my life has ended you know I dont go out and have fun at all. Not that ive never gone to a bar or club before because believe me I have, been partyin since I was like 13. I think we both need to go out by ourselves and just breath which i will talk to my bf when i get home. And not only that but i think we need to go out together like we use to. It sucks sometimes being an adult and having to worry about bills. I do love him, and I guess its not that I want to meet other guys and sleep with them but its the excitement of meeting new people you know? Dont know if you guys understand what im tryin to say. I have to say I do feel better just writing what I feel here and reading your responces. One more thing, my daughter isnt the problem i was talking about, i like being a mom, and after a long stressful day at work its nice when i go pick up my daughter from the babysitter and see her eyes just light up when she sees me. I do love spending time with her.

 

Jaz - August 11

I can totally understand what your feeling. Right before my 16th birthday I decided that it would be such a great idea to move out of my house and out on my own. I have worked atleast one full time job ever since, but usually I worked 3 or 4 jobs at a time to support myself. I had no time for fun. I had a baby at 20 and was a single parent. I have often wished that I could enjoy the freedom that my friends did and just "go out" some times. But I couldn't. I know it gets hard and is depressing sometimes. But these ladies are right. IT's not all its' cracked up to be. Maybe you could come up with a compramise with your bf. Say on such and such night every so often you need to get out of the house and he can stay home and watch the baby for a while. Or get a babysitter and go out together. You need a break sometimes too. While being "tied down" and having kids has it's rewards it also gets tiresome at times too. But your in situation what are you going to do? Is going out to the bar and having "freedom" more important than your family? Have you tried talking to a therapist? They help a lot. And maybe try to find some groups to get involved with. Where I live they have a bunch of "MOMS GROUPS" and they are a lot of fun. Try to get involved in things you can do with your baby. Do you have early head start where you live?? Great program. Getting hooked up with other young mothers will also help you. You can go out together and also take advantave of babysitting swaping. If you need to talk to anyone I've been in the same boat. I'm only 24 but am now finally happy to be where I am at. I have a 5 year old and am expecting again. Good luck, keep in touch.

 

teigan - August 12

i dont think your feelings are bad at all, you just want a life, you feel stuck in a rut, the mos important thing here is your baby though and if your not happy i would get out now, rather than the arguments starting and tension in the house.. dont feel guilty about how you feel, your only human, but dont rush into relationships either, i think you need time on youown, to actully sit and think about what you want.. and do some growing up.. and i dont mean thta awfully, but you sound childish...i want i want.. give your self a break and enjoy life with your baby.. xxxxx

 

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