Treasure What You Have

15 Replies
Stace - May 16

I read many threads on these boards of women who have 3 or more kids and yet still want more and I cant help but feel so sad. I'm on my 5th pregnancy but only my second child. I've lost 2 to mc and 1 to an ectopic - the hardest thing I've ever had to endure! It seems so unfair that some women are able to pop out baby after baby and yet others have to fight to get even one. My best friend is unable to have any and is facing a full hysterectomy at the age of 32. Please please never take being able to have children for granted, value and treasure what you have as others have nothing.

 

Been There - May 16

I hear you. I also think that women who want more children do value what they have, which is why they want more of a good thing. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That is sad.

 

Erynn21 - May 16

If they want large families and have love to give what's wrong with that. My hubby is from a family of seven and all but 1 brother(and us) have at least 3 children. Everyone is suprised that we are having our 1st after 10yrs. of marriage. They have struggles with their kids, but I know all my in-laws love their children. I'm sorry your friend can't have children and is facing a possible hysterectomy. I know that life isn't fair and I am sorry that you have had problems, but to make a judgement that all women who don't have fertility issues take their kids for granted that's not fair. I'm just speaking from my own family experience, and I know for a fact that my MIL and a couple of sis in laws had m/c's, but they recovered from their losses. They do value what they have I see it all the time, but just because they have children doesn't mean they haven't had losses also. I just wanted to say this.

 

flower.momma - May 16

I agree with Erynn. It is easy to feel envious at other people's good fortune, but just because people have large families doesn'y mean that they don't treasure each and every one of their babies just as much as you treasure yours. I'm sorry for your losses, but please try to be less negative to other good mothers.

 

lovemy3 - May 16

hello, I have 3 children and have had a very hard time with each pregnancy. We are planning on ttc a fourth. I DO treasure what I have and completely know how hard it is to carry a child to term. I don't think it's fair to a__sume that people that have "3 or 4" kids don't treasure them as much. I'm sorry you have had these bad experiences and I wish you all the best.

 

Stace - May 17

I cant quite see where in my post I appear judgemental or in anyway accuse others with many children of being bad mothers! I was stating a fact that there are MANY women who are unable in this world to concieve so easily and carry to term and was simply reminding others that they are VERY fortunate if they are able to do so! I am sad that I have had to suffer such grief and that my friend has to cope with what life has given her and yes it does seem very unfair that while others have so much some have nothing. Its the same thing the whole world over and yes to a degree I am envious but I would never deny a woman the desire to or ability to have children through my own misfortune. Of course every child is a blessing and I'm relieved that people do treasure them, sadly there are many abandoned children in this world and as much as I would have loved to adopt them and have even gone through the adoption process I was denied at the final hurdle as I have a degenerative illness. Instead of judging me perhaps it would have been nice of you ladies to admit that yes you are blessed and to show at least some consideration for those others less fortunate. I came on this board looking for support as I am struggling emotionally and physically with this pregnancy due to my illness. Each day I fear I will lose this child and I am faced with the possibility that I will be in a wheelchair after its birth. I see now that I came to the wrong place and that this is a board only for the successful. I apologise for any offence that has been caused by my post and respectfully retire from this place!

 

Olivene - May 17

It is not because you others can "easily" have children that you have trouble keeping your pregnancies. Every woman who has a child (or ten) definitely understands your pain by knowing how wonderful life is with children. Your friend could say to you "You have one child and yet still want more"! It isn't fair, but the women who can easily have children aren't taking anything away from you. You do imply that the lucky women don't recognize how precious each child is. You don't acknowledge the great blessing you've been given- one child already here and one on the way! Try to be grateful for what you have! I hope you have an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby, and maybe more after this one. I also hope there is some miracle in store for your friend and for all of our friends in similar situations- most of us know someone with the same kind of desperate struggle- and we pray and hope for them.

 

mcatherine - May 17

I've been on this website since finding out I was pregnant in January and have had so many women tell me how blessed they feel once they hear my story - and most of them have more than one child. I am on my 5th pregnancy as well, but this is only my second child. I lost two to fetal demise at 11/12 weeks. I also lost a son at 21 weeks due to a fatal birth defect - only six months after losing my 56 year old mother to cancer, two months after having my son (age 8 at the time) diagnosed with a brain tumor and six months prior to losing my father to a fatal heart attack. And my nearest relative is over 800 miles away! I have a disease of my b___st tissue that causes multiple surgeries each year and extreme pain during this pregnancy, and which from according to every surgeon I have talked to - may very well lead to cancer of the b___st or a masectomy prior to that happening. I am only 32 years old. My losses don't make me envy those that are able to have many children and it doesn't make me want to remind them of how lucky they are - it only makes me extremely grateful for every single thing I do have. There are so many moments throughout each day that I close my eyes and thank God for blessing me with the things He has - not reminding Him of what He has taken away. I appreciate the sunrises that most people miss and I make sure my son jumps in a puddle every single time it rains. I love a hot vanilla latte (decaf, of course) every Sunday while I walk through the Farmer's market with my husband and son and I never miss one single moment of any little leauge game. I write letters, not emails, to far away friends and my family eats dinner together at the table every night. I grill when it snows and go sledding with all the kids. I make picnics on the living room floor during storms and I burn candles each and every day. I sing all the time even though I can't carry a tune and I surprise my husband with breakfast in bed - on a Tuesday. I don't waste my time telling other people what they should be grateful for - I'm too busy doing what I call living. There are women on this site that had endured tragedies as great as anyone's and if you care to go and see - I spend my time on the complications and loss threads, too - talking and relating and never, ever once forgetting the things that have happened in my life. But I choose to spread hope. The women on this thread spend their days thinking of the children they already have and the lives they are carrying inside - and the are grateful and they are concerned - or they wouldn't be here. I am sorry for what you have endured. I am sorry for what your friend is facing. I am happy for myself....

 

Jennifer28 - May 17

You are an inspiration mccatherine. Good luck and God bless.

 

snugglybugglys - May 17

Wow mcatherine your story is very touching. Made me cry. I am pregnant with my 5th child 4th pregnancy, and I do not for one day take for granted any of my children. I love my family with my whole heart and then some. We go for family walks...and I let my children touch the leaves and flowers and explore life. And I cannot wait to have this little baby in my life also. So just because I am "able to pop out baby after baby" does not mean I don't love them all equally and treasure them more than anything in this world.

 

Steph - May 17

Stace, I never read that anyone wasn't feeling badly for people who are unable to conceive anywhere on this forum...in fact, there are numbers of women who have had miscarriages or who are having a really hard time conceiving on this site who support each other daily. I find it rude and hateful that you made such a post in the first place. Women who have had three or more children don't just "pop out baby after baby". Your wording is rude and you have no idea what went on during any of these women's lives. It's almost as though you are trying to make women feel badly for being pregnant because others can't get pregnant. If you came on this board looking for support, I don't see how you were asking for it in this post.

 

Mommy - May 17

Stace, in your defense, my own mom had 6 kids. My oldest brother is 24 and my youngest sister is 7. After the first 4, she was tired of having kids. I have no clue why she never used any birth control, but she only took care of the first 3 kids. Then my sister who is 5 years older than me started taking care of me, when I was old enough I started taking care of my now 11 year old sister and my 7 year old sister because my mom is "too old to be doing it." She is only 41. She tries to pawn my little sisters off on anyone who will take them and doesn't know where my 11 year ols sister is half the time other than saying "she's around her somewhere." I also know a family with 11 kids. They live in a 2 bedroom trailer and constantly have lice and I used to see the 3 year old running around naked, usually with the 5 and 6 year old. The dad doesn't work and the mom works full time but with c___ppy pay. DCFS has been called 4 or 5 times, yet they have yet to be taken away. The oldest one is my age, 18 years old, and is pregnant for a 2nd time. So while it was rude to a__sume that people with a certain amount of kids didn't treasure them, there are plenty who don't. I know a woman who even has had 18 abortions yet won't get fixed. It's sad.

 

mcatherine - May 17

Thanks Jennifer28 and snugglybugglys - I had good parents who taught me well. I remember my entire life listening to my my father repeat the same thing to my brother, sister and me every time we felt sorry for ourselves - no matter what it was about. I think it was Proverbs (could be wrong): I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.....

 

kellie - May 17

Stace - I don't really understand why everyone is taking such offence to what you wrote. I understood what you meant.

 

Erynn21 - May 18

Stace I read the other posts that women posted along with mine and have come to the conclusion that none of us were judging you. You stated some women are able to "pop baby after baby" out and can't even have one, I understand you are looking for help in this hard time, but the tone of your post seemed to be slightly envious of peoples treasures. I am facing a hard time right now because my best friend was pg when I concieved I feel like c___p that she's had a m/c and here I am a happy 24 wks along. You probably won't read this, but I can't help but feel like saying something in all of our defense, there is the tone of bitterness in your post. If you didn't want to hear others opinions a public forum may not be the best place and maybe going to a counsler or something more private is the way to go, sorry if this seems insensitive, but you made it out that all of us are. Which I personally didn't see and I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

Aimes - May 18

In case you missed it, halfway down Stace replied and said that she was leaving this forum, so I answer if you are replying to someone else of wanting to keep the thread open, but I doubt she's still reading these. Just an observation :)

 

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