Update On Step Child Own Child

12 Replies
Karen - April 22

Just to give a real example of what is out of my hands and can really hurt and I cant afford to get emtionally about cause it cant help. I just spoke to my mother in law and she was telling me how the child is being negulated by her mother. She has out out all hours of the night chasing her current boyfriend, She lets any and everyone care for the child. It does not matter once someone can take her off her hands. She is afraid to carry the child to my mother in law cause she feels the child will not want to be with her anymore. All she does is run the street day and night tugging the child with her. Plus the other day the boy friend was in a fight and her and the was right there. (What a fu**ing idiot) Now that really hurts all of us, but we cant do nothing about that cause that is her child. That is the shit I am talking about.

 

Heidi - April 22

I know how you feel and it does suck not being able to do anything about it. When we traveled over 1000 miles to get his daughter, we showed up to a house that looked like it should have been condemed. I called social services right away and she had to clean it up. She gives her little kids kittens to play with and we find out they're dead cus the little ones strangle them because their mom is too busy with her new baby to watch what's going on. It's just disgusting and I'm almost glad to be that far away because if she was living where I am, I'd have a fit and demand the child be given to the father, but she knows living so far away that we don't see or hear what goes on and of course, she never answers her phone or returns calls. It's all just sad and I don't like to deal with it anymore.

 

Princess - April 22

Thats is really sad and fighting in front of a child I dont know where you are from but here in upsate NY thats is endangering the welfare of a child..please trust me that if I child is brought up this way she will not be happy and will get very resentful...

 

Karen - April 22

I just spoke to my boyfriend and I am in tears right now. The fu**ing b___h is far away too. My boyfriend just told me not to hot up my head about it cause there is nothing we can do cause we are not there. She lives in Honduras so I am not sure what laws they have there. Oh yea in the fight the her boyfriend also had a machette swinging around (Now that is a mother). I tell you when I have her (the child) she is so happy and dont even want to go back to her mother. One night she slept with us and trust me if she did not come for her she would not care to go back. Sometimes I wish she was my daughter.

 

nhb - April 22

I'm sorry you guys have to go through so many struggles. Brief background: my husband has two daughters; one 10, one 5 . . . both are from different moms, he wasn't married to the mom of the 10-year-old, he WAS married to the mom of the 5-year-old. The ex-wife is the one who currently has both kids in her care (luckily, I get along with her reasonably well most of the time). The biological mother of my 10-year-old stepdaughter sounds the same as these women Karen and Heidi have described--she put her oldest daughter (not my stepdaughter) in a FULL BODY CAST before she was 15 months old. She's beaten on all her kids. My husband had a one-night stand with this woman quite some time ago, obviously, which is how he has the daughter now; but right after my stepdaughter was born, this woman just took off. Hubby couldn't find her for FOUR YEARS . . . finally found her, and his daughter was beaten up, scared to death and frightened of everything, and she was definitely emotionally and physically scarred. This "mother" now has three other kids with her current husband . . . and one on the way (in Virginia law, where she lives, pregnant women can't go to jail for more than like 15 days, which is why she's pregnant again now). Her oldest daughter (the only one older than my stepdaughter) was taken from her years ago; my stepdaughter was taken from her about a year ago, she now has no rights whatsoever. For those women in situations where the bio-mom is abusing these kids, please do something; call social services, get your husbands/boyfriends/fiancees to call if you don't want to. THEY NEED TO BE REPORTED. I would fight for my stepdaughter to the death, even during the 9 months I didn't see her year before last. She's worth it, and while it would be hard and frustrating at times, my husband is of course, with me, and it's really his battle; I'm just there to help where I can. But these kids will be so hurt for the rest of their lives if they continue in the environments described . . . please do anything you can do get them out. They're just kids. They can't get themselves out.

 

nhb - April 22

BTW, PLEASE don't feel that I was judging or being harsh . . . I wasn't trying to do that at all, I was just trying to offer a story, and try to help if I can. I don't want to offend anyone, but if you can find some help from our story, that's why I shared it.

 

Karen - April 22

Dont worry I understand. I feel the same way that it is the child that suffers the most and is the most inocent. I just had to say a prayer and ask if there was anyway for her to come into my care so that my bf and I could rasie both her and the one on the way. I truly breaks my heart.

 

nhb - April 22

Try looking at this website about travel to Honduras, and see if you can find anything where you can get the child back: http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/ cis/cis_1135.html Also, here's the email address for the Honduran emba__sy, maybe you or hubby can email them, and ask what their laws are on child abuse/neglect: [email protected]

 

Karen - April 22

Thanks very much, I will talk to my bf tonight and hear what he has to say. At the end of the day the action taken has to be his.

 

nhb - April 22

I know--I just worry :o) I'm a worrywart anyway though. Please feel free to post and let me know how things go, I'd like to know--or you can email me @ [email protected] Good luck talking to him--I know it's not easy for me to tell my husband what I feel he should do about my stepkids (or at least it wasn't for a while) . . . But b/c he loves me he at least listens; whether he takes my advice, though, is always up to him, since I can't really go around him b/c I have no legal rights to the kids. But I think it's great that you're taking such care about your stepdaughter to look into these things, and it's obvious you'll be a great mom when this baby arrives too :o)

 

Karen - April 22

Thanks. I talk to my MIL and she said that the laws there dont really cover anything like that plus money runs everything(know what I mean). Anyway I came up with a another sulution that might be a wake up call. I told my MIL to tell her that it she does not start taking care of the child the way she should then all child support is going to stop until she does better.( I hope that she calls our bluff and does do better).

 

nhb - April 22

That's a good plan. Especially if she's not in the US, they can't make him pay support can they? How is she even getting support payments? Do you have to send them to Honduras (feel free to ignore that if it's too personal a question) . . . but if he goes through a state agency, he should DEFINITELY mention to them she's living in Honduras and tell the agency about these horror stories. I don't know the laws well enough . . . But is she supposed to allow phone calls between you bf and your stepdaughter? B/c if so, he has grounds to take her to court for sole custody of his daughter, especially w/ all the evidence of the lack of stability in the mother's house and the presence of stability you guys have . . . if she moved without filing the proper paperwork, he can take her . . . if she violates ANY court orders in ANY way, he can file something on her . . . I can't remember what it's called, but it means she'll have to come in to court for her actions (not a subpoena). I'll try to look into it more this weekend though. Try to have a good weekend :o)

 

Karen - April 22

The support goes to his mother who buys the things the baby need. We are not in the US and the child is only 10 months. It is a complicated sitution it was a one night stand that almost cost our relationship(been together four years) So you can see what I have to be dealing with on top of the this c___p. Because him and her were never together as couple by their(Honduran) laws he is not obligated to help her in anyway.

 

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