Want A Baby More Than Anything

16 Replies
Steph - June 29

I am 27 years old and all I want is to have a baby. I have an abortion about 4 years ago and regret it every day. I would have kept the baby, but I had been sick for so long and my mother didn't think I would be able to have a healthy pregnancy. I am going through a divorce and I do not want a man in my life. I try to have s_x whenever I can, but only with guys I know are safe. I have been trying for 6 months, but I am still not pregnant. Did I miss my chance by having the abortion? Does this mean I will never have a baby? I would even go to a sperm bank if I knew where to find one. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am running out of time and getting to old to have a baby...

 

jb - June 29

You are NOT running out of time, and you are NOT to old to have a baby. Nowadays women have babies well into their 30's and even 40's. Though when they are in their 40's Im sure it is a high risk pregnancy. You have plenty of time. I think if you just relax it will happen for you. I dont think the abortion 4 years ago will prevent you from getting preg.

 

.... - June 29

No, abortion does not hurt your chances for having another baby. Just be careful, you don't want your baby to grow up without a father right?

 

Relax - June 29

Steph, you should be in no rush. There should not have been any harm done to you from your previous abortion to prevent you from conceiving unless the clinic had incompetent staff. Get yourself checked out by your OB/GYN to make sure. You're not too old. But, it could prove very difficult for you right now if you did get pregnant. It sounds like your divorce is probably a big pain in the hooha for you, so wait until that's done and overwith. The stress caused by divorce can harm your baby. If you don't want a man IN your life, what about the babies'? Please don't pick a random man that you meet, god knows what they've gotten into (you CANNOT trust them to tell you they're "OK"). I hope you've thought everything, and I mean everything through very carefully. If you'd seriously be ok with a sperm bank, then grab those yellow pages and start hunting! Good Luck Honey.

 

Lissi - June 29

If you're not planning on having a man around, I think the sperm bank is a much safer option. Sleeping with lots of different men without protection is so risky. You can never know for sure that they are safe. Do all these men have regular HIV screening? Even if they do, mistakes can happen. Don't put yourself or your future child at risk of infection. I'm sure if you just did some searching on the internet, you would find a sperm bank. You are still young and there is plenty of time to get pregnant. 6 months isn't very long to have been trying.

 

Sarah - June 29

I think if you really want a baby that bad, way til your divorce is over with, and don't just pick these random guys to have s_x with...find a sperm bank...It's wrong to just have s_x with random guys hoping you get pregnant...you can't do that to a person, it's just wrong. That would be that guys kid too, and what if he doesn't want kids right now, or ever? Even if you say he doesn't have to have anything to do with the baby at all, that is still his child, his flesh & blood, and that is wrong to expect a guy to think it's no big deal and just let you raise the kid...Seriously go to a sperm bank, those guys have donated their sperm knowing there will be children out there with their dna, and they are okay with that. I just cannot stress how wrong it is of you to try to have a baby with guys that don't even know what is going on. Also, I will spare you my views on abortion, and tell you that if the abortion is not done very well it can leave you with scar tissue, which can make it very hard or impossible to conceive...but I am sure you are fine. Maybe talking to your obgyn would help(if you don't have one already, get one now, you need care even before you get pregnant)...an obgyn would help you get set up to do the artificial insemination with a sperm bank. Good luck, I hope you get what you are looking for.

 

Sarah - June 29

I meant wait til your divorce is over, not way til....typo

 

E - June 29

I don't think 27 is too old. I am 31 and thank god I waited. I also felt old at that age and considered getting pregnant behind my hubs back. I can barely handle our baby now, and he is on full board with me. I think you harbor a lot of guilt about the abortion, and you shouldn't. You did what you thought was right at the time. Trust me when I say this - when you have your baby, you will have no regrets about anything that you have ever done. I would try to hold off until you are in a stable and committed relationship. That is how I would deal with it...

 

Karen - June 29

I know of several women who have had abortions in the past and are now pregnant or have had children after. The best advise I can give you is (and based of my experience of TTC) it will happen when the time is right and you least expect. I am 28 going on 29 pregnant with my first child so sweetheart your definately not too old and have lots of time

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - June 29

A baby deserves an emotionally stable enviornment. You simply can't provide this while going through a divorce. To be sleeping with a variety of guys with the hopes of getting pregnant by one of them shows that you have a little growing up to do as well. Ideally, a baby will thrive in a loving stable home with a mother and a father who will be there for them through all the ups and downs. I realize that many children are raised wonderfully by single parents, but I think in most cases, those children are the exception, not the rule. Take care of yourself, get your life in order, and then cross this bridge. You are still young and have many years left to have a baby. :o)

 

to steph - June 29

Wow steph you seem really desperate. First of all your not too young. I'm 28 and will have my first in Sept. I also had an abortion about 4 years ago. If I were you, I would just wait until you find the right man. It would be so much easier that way.

 

Sarah - June 29

To Tiffani---you do not have to have 2 parents to have a good life....Nobody I know, including myself, that grew up with single parents, has had any worse of a life than anybody with 2 parents in the home. This is not the "exception" as you say...I am not trying to start a fight(those have gotten so old haven't they) I am just that it's totally wrong to a__sume that just because a kid has a single parent the chances are good they won't have a good life.....which is what you are saying when you say that single parent kids that turn out ok are the exception. I was very taken aback by this.

 

Lissi - June 29

I have to agree with Tiffany. I know you think now, that you don't want another man in your life, but if you're going through a divorce, it's a really rough time. Maybe you should wait a while and see what happens in the future. I felt old when I was 27 too. It's awful when you can see the dreadful 30 in the distance, and you feel like time is running out for you. Honestly though, once you are over that age, you realise that it's not that bad and you still have lots of time. Life is full of surprises. You never know what's around the corner and who you're going to meet. 2 years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he didn't want kids. I thought that was the end for me, and I'd never meet Mr right in time to start a family. Now, I'm married to a wonderful man and pregnant with our first baby! I can't believe how things have turned around for me. I'm 34 by the way. You should really give yourself time to get over the divorce and see how you feel. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

 

E - June 29

Sarah, statistically, they are the exception. I think Tiff qualified her statements quite well. She said "ideally"... I happen to agree. I think if someone is sleeping with so many people, is she being honest with them about trying to get pregnant from their sperm? There must be more to this story than meets the eye.

 

tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - June 29

Sarah~ My apologies for offending you. I was not out to judge or offend anybody, but rather offer my opinion. While i'm sure you were raised in the happiest of circ_mstances with single parents, I still think you are the exception, not the rule. I think statistics speak for themselves. I say we agree to disagree. Hope you're having a great day! :o)

 

kerry - June 29

no, you are not running out of time. not to be rude, but we don't know if, because you had an abortion, you will or will not be able to have a baby. that is not logical thinking to be honest and if you don't know then we don't know. you sound like a nice person so please don't take this the wrong way. i really hope you find a way to have a baby! (-:

 

Mary - June 29

I had an abortion when I was 24 and I know how you feel. I am now 36 pregnant for the 1st time, so imagine the years of suffering and blame and shame I imposed over myself. BTW, at 33 I decided to do the artificial insemination thing (AI), if you need info let me know, it is a lot easier than it seems and it is not expensive at all either. Needless to say after a very bad marriage in my 20's I wanted nothing to do with men, but at 34, when I had all ready for my first AI, I met my husband! He is the most amazing man ever, and he was made for me 150%! So, while AI is a very good choice, do not loose hope that someday your perfect man will find you! Good Luck and do not think you are too old, we are going to try for a second one next year, I will be almost 38 then!

 

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