What Am I Going To Do

15 Replies
Anon - October 1

I am 11wks pregnant and my baby's father doesn't want me to keep the baby. He is "encouraging" me to have an abortion. He feels very strongly about this whereas I feel the complete opposite. I want to keep my baby but I would do anything for the baby's father because I love him. Maybe he is right, maybe we are not ready for a baby. We have been to counselling and still can't reach a decision. We are running out of time. Any advice please anyone.

 

me - October 1

have the abortion quickly

 

Lara - October 1

There is no "man" worth losing your precious baby over...if he wan't ready to have a baby then I don't think he was ready to do the "deed"...consider me old-fashioned, but speaking on my behalf I was adopted instead of my mother having the abortion she was considering...Now my DH and I are having a sweet little baby girl, if my biological mother hadn't chosen life, I wouldn't be bringing this little life into the world this coming November...would I??? (just something for you to think about)

 

Lisa - October 1

You're letting this man talk you into getting an abortion to terminate a baby that you initally wanted... There is a difference between love and manipulation; there is a line to be drawn. You have to respect yourself enough to stick by your own beliefs and morals; even when they do not agree with his.

 

rae - October 1

honey, dont let what he says make any sort of a difference to you. he is most likely terrified that he is going to be a father, and to men abortion is nothing. you are too far along for a medical abortion, those stop at 9 weeks at most places, so you would have to go through surgery. while it IS SAFE to have an abortion, and most of the time nothing will go wrong and you WILL be able to have children in the future no problem. but the risks increase every day, so im sorry to tell you, you dont have a lot of time. clinics will preform surgical abortions up until you are 23 weeks, but it might be hard to find one that will go that high in your area, depending on where you are. aodption is the option i am 99.99% sure im going with. it provides me and my boyfriend (luckily he is supportive of anything i do) with the option to raise a child when we are completely ready, financially and emotionally. it also provides another family with the gift of a lifetime. im already jealous of the family that gets my beautiful baby boy. it relieves some of the stress from having a not so stable relationship, which it seems you have since he is using your devotion to him in a negative way. and then you can keep the child with no gaurentee of the father being there emotionally or financially. he may come around after your baby is born, but that isnt something to count on. out of those options, you have to decide what is right for YOU and whats right for BABY. right now you are only responsible for your life, and your babies life. even if you are not ready for a baby, if the idea of abortion isnt right for you, please consider adoption. i was considering abortion, and i even went to two clinics to get it done, but both (thank god, luckily) told me that i was too far along to have an abortion done. the first only went to 14 weeks, the second went to 20 weeks. thats when i found out i was 29 weeks along, or thereabouts. please know that if you do keep your baby, you will grow so attached to him/her that you wont want to let him/her go. thats how i am, and ive only had about 4 weeks to get used to the idea that im pregnant. please consider ALL options, not just keep it or abortion. adoption is a wonderful gift. there are far too many amazing couples out there that cannot concieve, and you can give them the biggest gift in the world. my final advice, condensed: do whats right for you and the baby. dont worry about anyone else, because they arent the ones with a child inside them. its a hard situation, there is no sure answer, and no option is going to give you complete satisfaction, but decide what you can live with.. can you live with abortion? can you live knowing you have a child somewhere and you cant see it? (closed adoption) can you live knowing you have a child somewhere and you CAN see it? (open adoption) can you live and take care of a child on your own, with no gaurentees of your partner sticking around? i hope things work out for you. <3rae.

 

samantha - October 1

Me and my partner are dealing with the same questions...not just question of one or the othe but what's best for the family we have been hoping to build. we have a great relationship but we boht feel that there are questions of whther we can do this thing finacially, home wise...just everything that a normal family needs. Our jobs keep us moving from place to place and we are dealing with a lot of debts (school loans, etc), so we wonder whether we shouldn't wait till we are more ready to handle this and give our child the life it deserves. At the same time this is something we have been thinking about for a longtime and we know that this would eventually happen anyways some where's down the line. Is it that horrible to want everything to happen in the right order? We are having a tought time with it. Is it proper to have to depend on our families so much, which we know we might have to do? Or do you just roll with the puches and make the best of it? We know that we will probably make it, but it won't be easy. I know this didn't help but i thought you might want to see that there are others thiking about the same things as you.

 

M.A. - October 1

You are running out of time for what? The baby you have inside you is already a human. From the time the two of you conceived. God knew this little person would be concieved before you ever met this man. Now He's giving you the chance to do what is right! Experience a miracle.

 

- October 1

adoption is an other option, good luck

 

rae - October 1

someone told me in another thread... if everyone waited until they were financially stable to have kids, no one would be having kids.... it was something to think about. stay strong ladies.. if you are religious at all, you might enjoy this:"god never gives us anything we cant handle." im not all that religious, but i do think the quote is a very important and true one...

 

Bella - October 1

Hi, I am Bella - the one who posted the original question of what am I going to do? I want to thank you all for your advice and answers. Bub's father and I are meeting tonight to discuss things further and I am going to stand by what I want and do what I want to do...even considering adoption. I want this baby more than anything but I also want the love of bub's father and it doesn't seem like I can have both at the moment. Once again thanks to you all for your responses...it has given me a lot to think about it. Much appreicated.

 

Lisa - October 1

You're response was not a good one...did you look at what you wrote. "You can't have both at the moment"...that should be your answer right there.

 

Bella - October 1

Just by my saying that I can't have both doesn't mean that is my answer. I am so confused right now about what I want to do and the fact that I am so in love with my partner that I would do anything for him doesn't help my situation. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted children but I also want my partner and whatever he wants as well.

 

Ccc - October 1

If he really loves you he will also respect your feelings on this.

 

Lisa - October 1

If he really loves you he will not expect you to even make a decision on this knowing that you want the baby...If you did not want the baby, then the decision is more mutual. But you do; one love to sacrifice another is not worth the heartache.

 

rae - October 1

im so sorry you are in this position. i know it must be the hardest thing you have ever had to choose. can you give up this baby, that is part of you and him, for him? or do you tell him that you are having his child, against his will, and that you want him to be your childs father, but cant make him be? i truly hope that you two can come to a conclusion you both are happy with soon. please dont stress over this, even though i know its pretty much impossible not to...everyone is telling me that stress is not good for the baby. good luck to you. i know we are all hoping this situation turns out well.

 

Not to be judgemental - October 1

Why do people continue to get into these situations? This is life or death we're discussing - not a toy, not a doll - an actual child! I don't think its ok to have an abortion - the decision about whether to have kids or not shoudl be made ahead of getting pregnant whenever possible. The what if we DO get pregnant question needs to be considered - and if you can't handle having a child, or adopting him/her out, then don't do the deed! Studies show babies feel pain when abortion procedures are underway. Studies also show the mothers (sometimes father or other family members or friends) are guilt ridden, depressed and angry following an abortion. If you're both dead set on not having a child right now, head for adoption! I'm adopted. I loved being adopted! I have been reuinted as well, and have the utmost respect for my mentally ill mother, who had 2 older children, and couldn't raise another one in her mental state! She was raped. Her husband (who claimed me as his to spare her the shame) told her to have the baby, and he would support her. THey kept me for six months, and couldn't do it any longer due to her mental health, and his lack of work. Its a tough decision, and adoption is sooo selfless... but its got to be better than murder.

 

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