What Do I Do

12 Replies
ME - September 7

OK, I need some help here. My boyfriend and I have been arguing for the past little while. I just found out 2 weeks ago I wa pregnant. He said he wants this child.. and seemed SOOO happy. NOW I cant keep him home. For the past two weekends hes gone out "partying" with his friends while I am left home alone. I cant do anything but cry cause I am so emotional and I dont know what to do. How do I get him to stop... its NOT fair! Wy should I suffer because I am the one carrying the baby, I just want him to understand what I am going thru. yesterday we had a fight because obviously my clothes arent fitting and Im uncomfortable all the time. He says to me... why dont u dress nice anymore for me... or do your hair the way I like it. It just seemed like he was kicking me when I was down. I got mad and told him he could go stay with his parents... so he did. And never called me. Hes generally a nice guy and not normally like this... maybe its just cause I am really emotional. But Im so lonely... he said "I could go if I wanted" why would I go to a party If I was pregnant!?!??!?!

 

Viv - September 4

Your boyfriend is too selfish and immature to be a good partner or father. I think you should base your decisions on the a__sumption that this relationship will not last long.

 

ME - September 4

Well we have bought a house, are awaiting to move in. So its not as if I can just up and leave..I just dont know what to do..

 

Viv - September 4

What a heartache! We had better focus on "He's generally a nice guy". Maybe he is experiencing stresses of his own. Almost certainly he doesn't realize that pregnancy brings emotional upheavals. Do you have a good relationship with his mom so you could call her and get her to mediate? I guess his single friends are coaxing him to go party. How about negotiating that one with him? "I don't mind you going out with the guys one night a weekend, but I need you here with me and the baby more than I did before." And btw, you can make an effort to keep yourself fixed up nicely. Pregnant can be s_xy. I wonder if you could get him to go clothes shopping with you?

 

ME - September 4

Thanks.. such a help! I do have a good relationship with his mom. Tried calling her when I was breaking down... but.. no answer. I tried telling him that I need him here... but I also try not to be too needy. I do have myself nicely dne up.... when I go to work.. by the time I get home I am tired and wanting to relax... How can you make pregnancy s_xy? Our s_x life has gone out the window too!

 

Viv - September 4

I'm trying to visualize what is going on. I think you have a negative image of what pregnancy does to a woman. Go party! He might want to show you off. You don't have to drink. Parties are for meeting people, not for getting drunk. If you have decided to do your best to proceed with your plans as they existed a month ago, then I think you have to play adult to his child. The two of you got into a child-child confrontation which has hurt and will take a while to mend. He cannot help but think about the baby you are carrying. Does his mother know? She will be having her say-so, too. Pull yourself together, continue with your life as planned, and he will come drifting back in. Welcome him with open arms. Tell him you need him to rub lotion on your belly to keep from getting stretch marks. P.S. can you get the low-down on what is in his mind by calling the girl friend of one of the others in the gang?

 

ME - September 5

I just always thought that, if ur pregnant..u shouldnt be going to parties... you should be taking care of yourself. I guess I feel like its got me in a rutt and that I cannot do anything. His friends dont have girlfriends which makes things even harder. They see him in a great relationshiip and it almost makes me think they are jealous. Sure I dont mind him going out once in a while. But when they are asking all the time and they know I am pregnant! Yes his mom knows I am pregnant and if she knew how I was feeling and how he was acting she wuld go up one side of him and down the other. She believes that I should be stress free.. she has no granchildren as his ister has ben tryign since January on Fertility drugs, tried everythig! So now that I am pregnant its the best thing in the world for the mother! We are quite close and she believes that the father should be there and do his part! I just feel that this has happend and its kind of put a stress on our relationship because it wasnt expcted and it happend at a scarey time in our lives. We are having our house built, which will be ready in November. I also feel as if my youth has sliiped past me. If that makes sense. I have all these images going thry my head.. like how my body will never be the same, will I be a good mother, will I know what to do.. will we last thru this huge step!

 

Missy - September 5

well whatever happens, you cannot get yourself all stressed out because that could effect your baby. right now you both have a big responsibility and you need to sit down and have a talk with him and tell him you can not afford to get this upset because of the baby. maybe he will see how upset you are and realize that just because he's not carrying the baby, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have to change some things that he does. I hope that everything goes well for you.

 

milissa - September 5

ME- I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY HUSBAND HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME BUT MEN TEAND TO FREAK OUT SOMETIMES AND THATS THERE WAY OF DEALING WITH IT! IT DOES GET BETTER, HE WAS GREAT WHEN OUR SON WAS BORN!!!!!!!

 

Viv - September 5

If you want to keep in touch mail [email protected] I'm interested in the rest of the story.

 

MARY - September 5

I'm sorry but your boyfriend sounds like my ex-husband. He did that to me during 3 of my pregnancies. Needless to say he is my ex!

 

Anonny - September 6

Although he wanted this baby, he is probably going out because he is scared, or he is getting it all out the way to be there when the baby is there, he probably thinks he has to give alot of his spre time up when this baby comes along. Also he is probably scared that your changing to, not only are you emotional body your body is going to go through many changes to. Go easy on the guy its scarey for them to see the changes.

 

For VIV - September 7

Viv, I tried sending you back an email but for some reason cannot send it. Hopefully you will see this post and reply. Do you by chance have another email address?

 

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