What Do You All Think -pg111239273918

30 Replies
LC - April 1

Hi all. I'm 22, my boyfriend is 23, we have been dating for 6 years and are moving in together in August. We have limited funds right now because he is finishing up his degree in college. We have enough money to where we can either afford to have a baby, or afford to put on the kind of wedding that the family expects. We love each other dearly, and we are starting to think that sometime in the next 2 years we would like to have a baby. His family is VERY against having kids or even living together before you are married, and my parents don't really care too much that we are going to live together before we are married but are very against us having children first. Like I said before we have a limited amount of funds, and would rather spend this money on a baby, than on a wedding that we can always have later. My boyfriend keeps telling me I care too much what other people think and that we know what we want and know what is best for us, but I still can't help but be upset that when we go to tell our family we are having a baby they will be upset and devastated instead of happy and congratulatory. My boyfriend's brother and sister in law moved in together before they were engaged, but got engaged and married within a year after that, and my MIL and FIL both said they were NOT ready to be grandparents, and it was so bad that my SIL was completely terrified of telling them when they got pregnant. Their response to her was "well it's ok because you are married." I would just like to know your all's opinions on all of this, maybe it would put my mind at ease a bit. We are not having doubts, I mean we will do what we want regardless and get through all the complications it brings, but I still would like to know opinions on the matter. Thanks you all!!

 

LoLo - April 1

Hi LC~ Personally, I think that you are never truly finacially ready for a baby, and if you wait until you are then you'll be waiting for a long time. Why not have a small intimate wedding first then start your family. You don't have to have a big wedding, just something simple yet romantic. My personal opinion... if you have a choice in the matter, get married first, then start your family. Good Luck with everything!

 

only my opinion - April 1

at age 22 I think you are too young to have a baby. enjoy life enjoy your 20's they only come once and you should live them to the fullest.

 

LoLo - April 1

Oh yeah~ If you have never lived with your boyfriend, live with him for a while before you make the decision to either get married or have a baby. Things change when you live together, not in bad way, but you really get to know someone... So maybe live together for a while and then make your decision.

 

LC - April 1

Sorry LoLo, forgot to mention he stays with me at my house 85% of the time....there's absolutely nothing we won't do/say in front of each other...I'd have to say we're about as close as two people could ever get. A lot of people say we're too comfortable with each other...whatever that means. But we know each other better than anyone else knows us...we're best friends. It's great, it's the kind of relationship I'd always dreamed of having! :o) Anyway, sorry I guess it's kind of hard when you don't actually know the people asking the questions on this site, you know?? Thanks for your opinion though. Maybe I'll try to convince him to elope! LOL I am not one of those women that wants a wedding...not something I have ever dreamed of. Sounds more like a nightmare to me!! LOL I was my friend's Maid of Honor and that was NOT fun, I just don't like weddings!

 

LC - April 1

To "only my opinion"....It depends on the person, not the age...A lot of my friends are already married with babies or unmarried and trying to have babies with their boyfriends, and then there are a lot of my friends my age that are not ready at ALL for even a serious relationship let alone a child. It all depends on the person and your maturity level. I'm not a typical 22 year old.

 

Missy - April 1

I totally agree with LoLo - there is something about seeing someone every morning first thing and every night last thing that can either make or break you. Give it a bit of time for the two of you to adjust before you bring a third person in. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship and are ready to be parents - but remember that things do change when you actually live together. Good luck and I wish you two the best!!

 

tina - April 1

i was 19 and married when i had my first child. if ur ready, then ur ready. but if u think it will take alot of stress out of things if u are married, then do that first. nothing big, i actually eloped, and it was romantic. just me and him. it sounds like u are ready though, and u know what u want. i think u want to be with this guy and a baby, so why not make both parties happy, and get married and have a kid!!! either way though, when the baby is here, their hearts will melt. best of luck.

 

LC - April 1

We actually do see each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night...and everything in between! LOL He's the one person I can do or say anything around with no embarrasment whatsoever. It's great, I had never had that before him. And it's the same with him, about me.

 

LC - April 1

Thanks Tina! Did you and your husband go somewhere to elope? A guy I work with went to Vegas to elope a while back.

 

tara - April 1

I agree with "only my opinion" - no matter how manture you are you still have a lot of learning to do about your self and the world around you. At 27 I'm shocked at how much i have learned in my 20s and I was never the typical 20 year old. I was mature enough, had a great job, was on top of everything in my life and everyone knew I was ready to have kids in my early 20s and no one disagreed. But I'm glad I waited this long because I don't know if I would have as much to offer my children as I do now - I'm talking about knowledge here and I can not begin to tell you how much I hve learned in the past few years about life through my own experiences and those around me. In any case this is a personal opinion and you never stop learning unless you wnat to. For LC, I also think alot about what others especially my family might think and I like to keep them happy but with out hurting my relationship with my husband. So you really have to learn to choose your battles carefully if you care about what others may think...if I were you I would have a small ceremony and save enough money to have a child as well. The other way to look at is if both sides of parents aren't willing to help with the wedding then they shouldn't demand one of you guys. It's your life, and if want to have the wedding of your dreams later on then pick that battel and stick with it.

 

toes - April 1

LC, in my first marraige 4 months after the wedding she got pregnant, and I wish we'd had a bit more time together, for various reasons. Now altho having a baby was a great thing, we were still getting ourselves and our financial situation in some kind of order. If you feel that now would be the BEST time to have a kid, the heck with the family and have one. OR, you could figure out how much a wedding like the one your family is expecting you have would run as well as a much simpler wedding. Take the difference and stash it in a savings account for the day you do get pregnant. Heck, even add to the "baby account" out of each paycheck so that by the time you have a kid, you're able to comfortably afford some of the items you wouldn't normally get. Just a thought.

 

been there done that - April 1

I am a huge advocate of living together before you get married. I used to stay over my boyfriend's almost every night and figured things wouldn't be much different than they were. Living together helped us work through unforseen issues before getting married. We were together for 6 years before getting engaged for 2, so we didn't think we would have any issues to work out. They were little, but issues just the same. As for being young and deciding to have a baby, yes, it depends on the maturity of the individuals, but I would suggest giving yourself time to enjoy being a wife before you become a mother. I would hold off kids until you are at least 25. This way you can enjoy your young adult years and still have something to look forward to. Just my opinion.

 

Missy - April 1

I know what you are saying LC - I stayed at my boyfriends house every night for months before we officially moved in together - it still changed. Now your finances change, not to mention just the fact that you each don't have your "own" place anymore makes things different. Don't think I am saying you two aren't ready to move in together, have a baby, or you two aren't a terrific couple. But I do know that I am really glad we lived together for a year - officially lived together, that is - before I got pregnant. We aren't married, and there hasn't really been any talk of getting married yet, but we don't plan on going anywhere. We just bought a house together, he put me on the t_tle to his condo he owned before he met me, so we are good. But I do believe that we are so good because we gave ourselves time to adjust to one another - I learned that he doesn't put his socks in the hamper or use fabric softener if he does the laundry, and he learned that my hair gets everywhere. Little things like that don't mean anything when you aren't "officially" living together but CAN - not always, but CAN - mean something after you make the big move. I think you two need to look within yourselves, because what is right for me may not be right for you. I can only share my thoughts and experiances and hope that it helps you to make your decision. Please let us know what you do - and again, I wish you only the best and most happiest of times!!!!!!!

 

jena - April 1

LC - I'm 23 and my husband is 24... we're ttc - do what YOU want to do - not your in-laws. you'll hate them forever if you do what they want you to do (sorry, your future in-laws!!) - I don't think you are too young to have a baby at all. I am not too young - been with my husband for 7 years, married for 1 1/2. If your boyfriend is supportive, then go for it. But I do think that the one comment about having a simple wedding first does hold some value - it might be something to think about. good luck to you and if you want to talk, feel free to e-mail me - [email protected] take care!

 

monica - April 1

I waited to get married and have kids until after 27....it was the best thing I have done. I loved life in my twenties and enjoyed it to the fullest. I have no regrets. Once you have kids your life is no longer yours. I love my son to death and everything I do I do it for him.

 

tina - April 1

we went to a lil place in south carolina, known for eloping. South of the Boarder? it was alot of fun. just the idea of running away together. but 5 yrs later, we did have a wedding, and renewed our vows. so just because u elope, doesnt mean u will never get that wedding!!!!

 

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