What The Heck Is Going On With My Mil

42 Replies
Leahp - July 6

Hey ladies, I've been talking around with some friends and am a little upset about my MILs visit because I was so passive, but when ever my 9 month old baby girl was screaming and I said I better take her, she would tell me to go on that she's fine and she's got it!!! It would drive me nuts, she never wanted to give up, what's that all about, even my baby was crying, why would a woman want to do that, is it control, because she's a long distant grandma, weirdo!!!!????? I talked to my husband about it last night and warned him that next time it won't be so pretty, I'm not going to be as passive and if she gets p___sed off like she always does, then so be it!!!! What would you ladies do, or how have you handled this situation???

 

kristie h - July 6

Hi, I have nothing to do with my MIL and nor does my husband. We had the same problem as you only my son was a new born and she wanted to have him for the weekend when he was only 5 days old!. Well what i would say in your situation is, maybe she was her mummy so i think i should take her and if she doesnt give you your daughter dont say anything and take her. If she dont like that well then she has the problem not you. If you ever need to vent send me a post i have the worse of all MIL so i will know where you are coming from. Good luck

 

Linda99 - July 6

I just have to jump in on this one! Kristen you and I could compete for worst MIL I think! Although I'd consider you lucky that you don't have to deal with her regularly. My MIL is an alcoholic. Not to mention a controlling, manipulative witch. My biggest concern right now is her constant mention of babysitting (our first baby is due 11/4) and taking the baby overnight. DH and I have decided mutually (thank God!) that she will never be allowed to be with the baby unsupervised, especially to take him in the car with her. Last night she informed me she has a car seat of her own now. We've kind of avoided the subject with her so far, but eventually she'll have to be told she can't ever watch him bc of her drinking... anyone have an advice on that?! Leahp - stand your ground. This is YOUR child and no one should ever stop you from stepping in. Be grateful if this is the worst of your problems!! But always do what YOU are most comfortable. Your DH should resepct that. Good luck!

 

kristie h - July 6

Linda 99 lol, We arnt allowed to see my MIL for two years by law, she told my husband to get a DNA test on my son and called me a skanky little whore as i took her son away from her when we got together. My MIL is also a wineo and gets drunk to the point she slers her words that bad you cant understand her. She never gave me ago from the begining and i have the att_tude she made her bed so she can lay in it. I know i wouldnt let my MIL have my son for the night cause of her drinking problem and i would tell her that to her face as its in the best interest of my sons saftey. If you ever need to vent send me a post this could be one great topic where i will LMAO at the worse of all worse MIL. Good luck.

 

kristie h - July 6

Actually from what you have posted are you sure we arent talking about the same MIL lol.

 

Bubblesofjoy65 - July 6

Linda99 --- I do have to agree with you - My mother in law is an acloholic and Neither myself or my husband speak with her or that side of the family besides his dad. -- His sister is pregnant now due in august, but lives with their mom, I hate to see what is going to happen when that baby arrives.

 

Linda99 - July 6

Unfortunantly my MIL is in denial abut her alcoholism. My SIL is in recovery for it. She pretty much destryoed her life after 4 DUI's and losing her lisence for 10 years. She lives w/ my MIL which is so toxic for her. She's another problem all together and apparently is having issues that her baby brother (10 years younger) is having a child (we've been married 7 years, we're 30 and 31 for God's sake!) so she doens't speak to me much these days. But back to my MIL. I swear you would think she's having this baby. She just gushes and gushes and I feel badly not enjoying her enthusiasm. I just can't help but fear the future and the day my Dh finally has to say to her... "No you can't babysit." It is going to be HORRIBLE! She will cry terribly and deny that drinks and the scary thing is she is a functioning alcoholic. she has a good job with the county and sometimes you can't tell she's been drinking until you smell it on her. How could I ever believe she was sober?

 

Linda99 - July 6

Wow I had no idea there were so many of us out there! I guess I shouldn't be so suprised, alcoholism is a common thing. Well it's nice to know I have a sounding board when I need one - which is often!!!

 

kristie h - July 6

Linda 99, i feel ya. I was the same as you when i was pregnant with my son and i was to the point just her name would put a not in my tummy. How does your husband feel about the situation? If you have his support then tell her straight other wise if sumthing did happen when she was minding your baby she wouldnt beable to go to the doctor or the hospital as she will be intoxicated and wont beable to drive, yet again be to slow to react to a situation.

 

kristie h - July 6

Oh and another thing my MIL does, she has a daughter that is now 7 and when i first got with my husband she would always lock her daughter in her room upstairs and take the door handle off so she could not open the door. Thats another reason why i didnt want my MIL to mind my son.

 

Bubblesofjoy65 - July 6

I am suprised, I am 26, dh will be 26, my SIL is goign to be 21, and she is an alcholic /drug addict, supposidly she cleaned up her act, I am not a racist person but we have no idea whos baby this is, and im not sure she knows, she told my FIL that it was a white mans, but she dont like white men she likes black men, So we are just waiting, -- I have done nothing but be nice to her, when DH and i were first dating, she hated me from the start, she ruined my perfume, put water in it, put ashes down our shower ....YOur suppose to be happy and do stuff with your SIL - like my cousins do with there's, and i feel i am in a messed up family because of it.... Only thing i hope, is that her baby is going to be healthy and not have a withdrawl for drugs and alc. i would hope she had that much common sense to stop.

 

Leahp - July 6

Hey ladies, ok, you're MILs sound much worse than what I have to deal with, she isn't an alcoholic, but my family is, so that's a whole other story, but she's very controlling and insecure which scares me a bit!!! Her short temper scares me too and I asked my husband last night if she's always been like that, and he said she has. I have to admit she's pretty tolerable for the most part and when my husband and I were first dating, she was my idol since she was 45 and mountain bikes, kayaks and runs five miles at a time, but now I've noticed it's all she talks about and her organic diet, which I eat well too, but I'm not obsessed. But then once we were getting married she had her daughter cuss out my answering machine because her name wan't on the invitation, although they didn't want to give any money for the wedding and then once we were married she tried to decorate our house and now she's trying to take over my child, at least that's what it felt like!!! But I'm lucky my husband is so tolerable of my family because if you want to talk alcoholics, let's talk!!!! They start drinking at around five and drink until they eat diinner at 11 at night, which my hubby doesn't like, my brother is in AA for two years for alcoholism, my grandfather died of colon cancer from hard liquor, it goes on, I decided to break the chain, although my hubby and I admit we love to have some beers and bbq. But speaking of leaving the baby over night with my MIL, I'm afraid she'll play some weird mind games, because I saw them go on this past weekend. She tries to manipulate my husband, which is just plain out $%#$% weird!!!

 

kristie h - July 6

Leaph, My MIL tried to manipulate my husband too and yes it worked for a while. See most DIL can see straight through MIL and sometimes the partner just has to be told when it is actually happening. My MIL got to the point where she would call my husband aside and do it but just be patiant with your husband as he may not want to belive that his mum is like that. I know my husband took a while with the manipulating but now he can see straight through her too and i think once they can see the manipulating going on he will more then likley go more his way. Well that my experiance anyway.

 

Leahp - July 6

Oh yeah Kristie!!! My husband sees right through it, he says that's why he moved with me away 900 miles, and then when she was here she asked how we would feel if she bought a house near us, if we feel that's intrusive and he said if you can afford it, but he knows she would never do it!!! She depends too much on her boyfriend for money, I just sat there and said nothing so hopefully she got the hint! I'm lucky that my husband knows she's a little wacko!!!

 

Linda99 - July 6

Oh Thank God he is in total agreement with me on this, but I will leave that conversation up to him. Not only do I worry about her drinking, but also she is overweight and a smoker, there is no way she could keep up with a toddler! I just know she wouldn't be able to handle watching him and thankfully so does DH, it's just the anxiety that eventually we will have to face that issue. My SIL could never watch him alone because she can't drive and God forbid she has an emergency she's screwed, but that will be a little easier (although no less painful) to explain. On the other hand my parents are great. They are awesome with my nieces and together they are exhausted after a day of babysitting them and they are both healthy. Could you imagine what an overweight, smoking drinker would be like after 2 hours with a toddler! I can just picture myself coming back from the mall to find my baby tied to the kitchen chair! At least I have the first year when I can use b___st feeding as an excuse! Although she's already thrown the "You can pump" comment at me! HELP!!!! I know what you mean about the stress though. I was suffering from stress and hormone induced headaches/migraines very badly weeks 13-18 and I vowed to cut her out of my life until the baby was born. Thankfully they have become less frequent and less intense, but I definitly try to avoid her when I can. If only she lived in another state...

 

boolie79 - July 6

wow.. sounds like we all have MIL issues.. mine is awful too.. although thankfully not an alcoholic.. she was years ago tho,, now she doesnt drink. Instead shes controlling and calls quite frequently which drives me nuts! My DH and i dont talk to his step father since they split just after xmas.. Personally i think hes crazy, went off the handle about something really stupid,, and i just dontr trust him especially with my kids.. MIL drives me more nuts with this pregnancy cuz we live so close.. we dont know what we are having,, went for a visit the other day and she says "so how is my grand daughter doin?" DRIVES ME NUTS! Told hubby i dont want NO ONE here for the first few days after baby is born, especially her.. he understands for the most part how i feel about her.. anyhoo,, i know its not as bad as you all seem to have it,, but theres so much more but too much to type lol.. and i dont talk to my family either so i geuss that makes it that much more difficult.. anyhoo,, sorry just had to get in and vent!

 

Linda99 - July 6

Oh don't get me started about the s_x of the baby! We decided we didn't want to tell everyone what we were having but that we would tell our immediate family so they could shop. I wanted so BADLY to hide it from my MIL because I KNEW she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret but I also knew she would eventually find out that my parents knew and my sister and that would just be a disaster - she already harbors terrible jealousy for them. So we told her... a few days later we went to another baby shower for my DH's cousin and we hadn't even gotten into the house yet before she explodes to one his Aunts "Want to see a picture of my baby boy!!" and whips out the u/s picture! I almost chocked her on the spot. she spent the rest of the day referencing HIM to anyone who would listen, while I tried to keep a straight face and remind her to say "or her". Thankfully the one aunt who knows was gracious enought to promise not to tell. Talk about having a migrain the next day. I WAS SO ANGRY!

 

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