When To Get Pregnant

6 Replies
MrsDick - May 4

I am 22 years old and married for about a year now. I have graduated from college and have a great job. My husband is 24 and also has a great job. We have been together for five years now and both know that we want kids. I brought up wanting to try to conceive a baby at this time next year (which means I would be 24 by the time I had the baby). But, he is very concerned about money. He does want to have kids but doesn't think that is a good time. He wants to be more financially stable. We do really good financially considering how young we are. I know he is concerned though because I want to stay at home when we do have children which would mean a significant drop in income. But, I do want to have all of my kids before I'm 30 for several reasons. I'm afraid that a year from now, if I say, "next year can we try" he will say no for the same reason. I don't think anyone ever feels like they have enough money to have a kid, but I am willing to sacrifice to make things work because its very important to me. But, I would never want to have a child if my husband didn't want to. So, when is a good time? I'm afraid each year he will keep putting it off and then I'll be 30 and not want to have children. As it is already, if he does agree to try to have a child two years from now, I'll be 25. I want to have three kids though, so I'd have to have another child every other year, and I don't want to have them that close together. I guess I'm just frustrated because when we got married, we agreed we wanted to try to have kids two years after we were married and he is backing out. I don't want to pressure him at all, so I guess I just need to get over it and let him decide when he wants a child, but I don't know how to just let it go.

 

MrsDick - May 4

I definately agree with you Jess and that's what I tried to convey to him. I don't think I got anywhere though, and I certainly don't want to nag him even more. I'm hoping he realizes eventually that we will never be financially prepared as you mentioned. Thanks so much for your input.

 

Krista - May 4

My husband used to say the same thing. in fact, i NEVER thought he'd be ready to have a baby....I've wanted to start trying since I we were 19 (I just turned 24) I'm now 23 weeks prego and I swear he wants the baby more than even I do! lol....just one day he decided he was ready I guess...so we started trying. =) He too brought up money and other things like that but I think the REAL issue was that he didn't "trust" our relationship...he came from a VERY broken home and does not want that for his children. He needed to make sure our marriage was VERY stable before feeling it was "safe". You may want to try marriage counseling, because this is a REALLY big deal and yes, you are NEVER prepared for it. Maybe the counselor can get to the bottom of "why" and help him see your side and help the two of you move forward. You need to let your husband know that his lack of wanting a child is really upsetting you. If not now, then when? Hang in there...he'll come around. =)

 

Krista - May 4

Also, maybe you should compromise on the "working" issue. Maybe tell him that you'd like to take maternity leave from work for a couple months when the baby is born...then you'd like to only go back to work full time...then as you get older and more financially stable you'll be able to quit completely. After the baby is born he'll see the importance in having you home...and that will be something you both will strive for. I know that you feel like your nagging him...but dont. He may hate it when you bring it up but eventually he'll see how important it is to you. Say things like how excited you are to have a family with him...how he's everything to you and you want to be with him forever...you may even tell him that you're starting to feel like maybe he's questioning your relationship and thats why he doesn't want a baby.? Tell him that you're not buying into the "financial" excuse because everyone knows that you're never prepared financially for a baby...and you guys are NOT too young to have your first...ask him for the real reason...let him see the sadness it brings you. DO NOT stop bringing it up...he needs to see how important it is to you...important enough that you'd probably even consider ending the marriage if he's now decided he doesn't want kids at all....tell him that you're afraid that you guys are growing apart and want different things in life. You want a family while he's only focusing on material things. Material things can get addictive... I hope he comes around for you...I know what you're going through...it brought me to tears on a few occasions...thank goodness my hubbie came around..lets hope yours does too! =)

 

Krista - May 4

sorry, I mean...tell him you'd only like to go back to work "PART time" lol

 

oz - May 6

im 26 and we have been together 8 years and are only now nearly ready to start ttc. I do agree that money is always going to an issue but i do disagree with the statement " there is no such thing as being financially prepared". We have worked really hard to build a house and purchase those big items that we wanted (good furniture, nice car, good stereo/tv etc) and to pay a reasonable amount off our mortage before we have started ttc. We know when we have kids they will come first and we may not be in a financial position to buy those things then as raising kids is expensive. I know we are not 100% financially prepared but i do feel we have worked hard to get ourselves in a better position than we would of been if we just jumped in and had kids 4 years ago.

 

oz - May 6

oh and i think your idea Been There is great. GoodluckXX

 

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