Advice On Cheating Husband ASAP

106 Replies
SAM - August 26

Hi Everyone, I need your advice ASAP. I'm three months pregnant and recently discovered that my husband has been cheating. I don't think that he has slept with her yet, but it's only a matter of time. I hate to admit it but I found out underhandedly....I snooped through his e-mail because I suspected as much. I know it was a horrible thing for me to do, but I'm glad I did because I probably never would have had proof. My question is: How do I bring this up that I know about this? Do I come right out and tell him I snooped (maybe print the sappy sickening e-mails or do I avoid telling him that and just tell him I know regardless of how I found out...or do I do something all together different?? I need to know ASAP I want to talk to him when I get home from work. I can't live with the stress anymore!

 

jess - August 26

I wouldn't tell him how you found out because you won't be able to go to that resource next time. I would ask him over dinner (calmly) if there's anything he'd like to tell you. When he says no, tell him it's time to come clean and that you know. He'll probably do the "know what?!" and just stay calm, cool, and make him sweat. If he comes out, confesses, cries, promises to never do it again, I think he just messed up. If he keeps denying it then he thinks you're an idiot and he's not worth the trouble. My 2 cents. Good luck!

 

teenie - August 26

You should start cheating and make it really obvious. Then when he says something lay it all out about how you know everything he's done. Tell him that he can't satisfy you and you had t go elsewhere. That should be good revenge.

 

jess - August 27

teenie - that was terrible advice! obviously you're a young kid who's not married. is the advice you gave what you do to your junior high boyfriends?

 

SAM - August 27

Thanks Jess, I agree...that was terrible advice. What good would that do other than really screw the relationship up....

 

teenie - August 27

If he's already cheating what is left of the relationship? Sam can either play the wounded deer and cry when she confronts him or she can stick it to him. Might as well get some revenge since its all messed up anyway.

 

To teenie - August 28

Your name reflects your brilliance. Revenge? There are much better ways to get revenge then sleeping with another man. 1st - you don't know if this guy made a mistake. It happens, that's why we are human. 2nd if it's not a mistake and this isn;t the first time, then it's time to play. Superglue is nice :) I agree with Jess though. NEVER reveal your sources as it will give him a heads up as to how to cover his tracks next time. Just talk and find out the story before you do anything... then go from there

 

jess - August 28

so SAM - any updates? Best of luck to you!!!

 

imo - August 29

The relationship is already screwed, neither of you can be trusted. You're a snoop and he's a cheater. Neither can trust the other so whats the point?

 

tired - August 30

This is a very sad situation and no matter what decision you mke you might think it is wrong. What's most important thoug is to keep you and your baby safe.He can not be relied upon to be making safe decisions for you and the baby if his priorit_tes are elsewhere. I'm not sure how long you have been married, or if this is your first child. What kind of foundation do you have to rebuild on? If this is a newer relationship it might be good to try to concentrate on how you'll feel if you aren't with him a year from now. If the answer is 'better', then you should consider leaving. All and all I woould seek the advice of a women in a marriage you admire. It might feel embarra__sing, but women who are in successful relationships are in their position because they are willing to look at relationships truthfully.

 

Been there - August 31

Sam, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I too found out about my husbands affair a while ago. I was not pg at the time. The only thing that made it some what tolerable to me was that he told me himself. After months of seperation and marriage counsling we are back together and are having our first child together. I know that your emotions are running hot right now. I don't blame you one bit for snooping, you had a sense something was going on. I too had that feeling and kept asking and asking and he kept lying and lying. There is no clear cut straight answer for you. My adivse is to talk to him, ask him if something is wrong, or there is something he wants to tell you, if he continues to lie I would show him the email. That is just me. This was a while ago so I am sure that you have already taken action. Just know that you can get through this and it will most likely make you a stronger more independant woman. Try and find out if it is emotional affair or just physical. But also take my advice when he does open up and talk to you about it, don't ask for details, you may get them. It has been 2years since my dh did this and I asked for details, to this day I still can not get some of them out of my head. Stay strong, read the bible (it really helped me) take good care of yourself and your unborn child. God is with you and if you ever need to talk you can email me at [email protected] Bless you

 

to sam - September 13

Are you doing ok? My thoughts have been with you

 

J - September 14

I did the same thing about 2 years ago. I got into my husband's email and found one from his "girl".after reading it, i was all messed up inside.So I emailed him this long email about how much I loved him, ect and told him that I was having suspicions aobut him and that if he had something to tell me that we could work it out (I had a 13 month old and a 3 year old at the time) blah,blah,blah. He responded to the email and told me how much he loved me and the kids and how wonderful things will be and all of that sappy love letter stuff, but he did not break. So, then I eamailed the girl and asked her to tell me about her realationship with my husband and then cut and pasted my husband and I's love note tirade to her. She was p__sed and told me all of this stuff and he was busted. I decided to give him another chance for me children's sake. I am still not sure if I did the right thing. I could not live by walking around carrying that secret inside so I had to talk to him about it. But you need to take care of yourself and that baby so you do what you need to do to stay healthy. Hopefully he did not pa__s anything onto you and the baby and used a condom. You take care of yourself. he will change the pa__sword so make sure that you look and find any other info-print it out or something before he changes it.

 

Noelle - October 3

I am in the exact same situation. I am thirteen weeks pregnant, and we also have a twelve month old. I have two other children from previous adoptions (before our marriage). I am very sad and quite distressed since this other woman (who is mentally unstable and wants my entire life--my kids, my husband, etc.) was once a friend. I caught them in an inappropriate relationship a few months ago, but was told "nothing happened" and that it would cease. It has not. Do not, for even one second, feel guilty that you looked in e-mails. It is clear that there was a reason for you to do so. And I am sure that you, like me, have had nothing to hide in YOUR e-mails. My husband continues to be a total jerk and he is trying to justify his adultery with complaints that I am "difficult," etc., etc. I have asked for counseling, but at this point, I think I should just get a divorce because he is certainly not even exhibiting genuine remorse. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that he is somewhat sociopathic. He and she have also involved my professional life (we all work for local school districts) and I feel that he is just trying to destroy me emotionally and professionally. I cannot get out of my mind that as I lay upstairs nursing our baby to sleep he was communicating with this woman and sneaking out to see her. He even arrived late and left early for our family vacation. I am so disappointed, I can barely eat and sleep. I am, however, trying to keep it together for my other kids. Leave him. He is not worth your love.

 

to SAM - October 4

where is SAM?

 

Katie - October 25

Hi guys, it sounds like a lot of you have gone through something similar. I work for a women's weekly magazine which has not yet launched but we are looking for women who have experienced love-rats to tell their stories. We can pay you for your story too. If anyone is interested, please email me on [email protected] Thanks

 

karine - October 26

to teenie.....ummm...she is pregnant, and the last thing she should be doing is sleeping around, and taking a risk to get std's

 

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