Any Women W Husband S Whose Sex Drive Flatlined After Baby

9 Replies
Arc-en-ciel - August 30

My husband started losing his s_x drive after I got pregnant. Now our girl is 3 1/2 & he STILL has no s_x drive. It's not like I gained weight, cause I'm still slim & curvy (hourglass figure). I always read about how WOMEN are supposed to be turned off to s_x after a baby, but haven't found any literature on the same about MEN. Are there any other women out there who know how I feel? How can this be explained? I've tried to talk to him about it...he always promises to work on it, but we never have s_x more than once a month (& he treats it like a chore). Our girl has lots of babysitters & tons of friend's houses to hang out at, so that rules out her being in our way. What can I do? This has gone on for 4 yrs & there seems to be no end in sight.

 

wondering - September 3

He may have a problem getting an erection. I don't mean he's impotent or anything. but just need more time then it used to for him to get one. this may make him less confident and so he avoids you? I dunno.. I may be talking nonsense.

 

kev - September 3

I don't know why but the same thing as your husband happend to me. Pretty much my wife has to bug me for s_x and sometimes it really irritates me. I have this feeling....it (avoiding s_x) became a habbit durring pregnancy and now has become permanent. I feel bad because I know she gets upset and thinks I do not find her attractive. Not the case- just for some weird a__s reason her complaining about the lack of s_x makes me madder and even less responsive. No, I am not cheating and yes, everything "down there" works great. This may also be tied into the fact our birth control has failed to often and one time I caught her crying to her Dad she was preg.- I just became disgusted with the whole issue. Screw it...pardon the pun One bit of real advice I have to offer- DO NOT "talk" about it. It will p__s him off. Instead, when the time comes, and you are in the mood- call him to your bed, skip all the "I need foreplay" stuff and the seduction routine. Tell him to get after it NOW! Be demanding that you need attention NOW! For some reason, I promise, this will work.

 

Shay - September 5

I was reading up before posting a new thread to see if one like this had already been started...good thing I did. I am 23 he is 25. When we first met things were great, we wanted each other ALL the time. It was never one of those 3 times a day relationships but it was 2 to 3 times a week and even when we weren't having s_x we were affectionate. He'd put his arm around me, we'd kiss, even flat out made out like highschool kids. Between the time I got pregnant and the time we found out I was pregnant the s_x went from 2 to 3 times a week to once about every week to two weeks. When we found out I was pregnant it stopped! I have asked him what I did wrong, I have asked him what it is about me that he doesn't like. I promised I would change it. I told him I'd do whatever it is he wants me to do. At first he told me it was him, and he was having problems getting an erection, then I found out he has no problem with a p___no and a bottle of lube. So I suggested adding the p___no, that worked once. Then he said he was afraid of hurting the baby, I wasn't even SHOWING yet! It has gotten to where I don't mention it anymore because he gets mad, yells, and even gets to the point where he won't speak to me, asks me if I just want him to leave and things like that. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I did. He says he is still attracted to me and that has nothing to do with it but he won't even KISS me anymore. It's hard enough to keep him in the same room as it is. I don't know what to do. I feel hurt and disgusting. He says nothing has changed and everything will go back to normal once the baby is born but I am so scared that it won't. The times that I get up the nerve to try and seduce him and he rejects me I silently cry myself to sleep. I am so scared at this point that I have ruined his vision of me and that he is so repulsed by me that it will never go back to the way it was. I pray every night that I don't end up blaming my son for the hurt that his father causes me. I am so scared of what is to come I don't know what to do.

 

Kon - September 18

That sucks! So many guyz waiting to take your DH place!

 

same boat - September 19

like I said in another post, my b/f is the same way. We used to have more s_x than overactive bunnies, but now he won't even look at me. I feel like a cow, and could really use the rea__surance that even if I'm the size of the Goodyear Blimp, he finds me attractive. I threw a screaming fit a couple of days ago, and that was when he told me he finds preg. women disgusting. Wow. He said it could be Faith Hill or Claudia Shiffer(sp?) and nothing would happen. He still says he loves me, and will give me a kiss on the way out the door to work, but other than that, no hand holding, no touching, no nothing. He rolls over in bed as soon as we get there. He says, "looks aren't everything. I still think you're pretty." The other night though I got up about 2:00 am to go bathroom and found him downloading p___n movies of cute, SKINNY, non-pregnant girls that really don't look like me. So it makes me wonder if after the baby's born if things will go back to the way they were, or if I'm destined to be a nun for the rest of my life. I love him so much, our relationship is the closest thing to soul-mates there can be, but I need more than a peck on the lips as he runs out the door. Okay now I sound like a whiner so I'll shut up. Thanks for letting me go off!

 

Sonia - September 22

Ok I definetely need to go with the agressive plan, who knows? Maybe it'll work. My boyfriend is like that, 2 and a half years together we were always affectionate and had good frequency. Pretty much the only action I get is getting me a kiss when one of us leaves, and when he touches my belly. I've talked to him and he sticks to his "I'm afraid to hurt the baby" story. I've printed some information about s_x not being bad at all but he still doesn't get it. I've thrown myself at him and it's like I'm talking to the wall. I really am starting to think that he will keep this behaviour, but believe me, after the baby is born I'm gonna start working out and just do whatever I can to make myself desirable to him, I will not let the most wonderful thing in my life affect another beautiful aspect. I love s_x with my boyfriend, I can not imagine my life without him so I'm not giving up easily.

 

mama-bean - September 22

quite commmon, actually. Many men, after seeing their wife birth their child ( even if they aren't even in the room...just knowing their wifes body did this beautiful thing) have a hard time viewing that same body in a s_xual way anymore. They see you as a mother more then as a wife... make sense? Counceling can help...

 

same boat - September 22

Yes, I know about the whole mother/Madonna complex thing, but I don't look at my b/f's p___s and think, "that's what made me go through 12 hours of very painful labor and I never want to be near it again!" Can anyone say, "Elvis"?

 

sandyclaus - April 1

My husband lost sexual interest after the birth of our daughter. We were active until the latest stages of pregnancy. It's been 4yrs now. I know that he must seek counseling. This is not something within my control. If he chooses not to that leaves me in a sexless marriage for how long? I've heard all the excuses i've read & more but mostly i smell fear. Something that he must conquer or he will lose everything. It's sad that this is so common but it helps just to say it. Carrying around this large of a secret on behalf of your spouse is a heavy burden to bear.

 

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