Are A Lot Of Guys Like This

10 Replies
Help! - July 5

I really just don't understand...my boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together. This is my first but not his, he already had 2 kids from a previous relationship. He's great with them, although they do not live with him, but when he gets a chance to be there for them, he's there 100%. The thing I'm having a problem with is, he doesn't seem to be too interested in this new one which is due at the end of Aug. I know he loves me and I know he's happy that I'm pregnant but he just doesn't seem to participate with this whole pregnancy thing. It's all very new to me, so obviously I'm excited about it, but sometimes I feel bad talking about it too much with him, like as if it annoys him or he's tired of hearing it. He won't come baby shopping with me, he'd rather give me money for whatever I want to buy. I keep bugging him about picking out a name for the baby, I mean it's about time we get on that because the baby will be here pretty freaking soon. But, he seems disinterested, instead he'll say something like "let's wait until we have the baby so we know what it is and that way we can find a name that suits it" Well, I don't want to do that. I'd feel better if we can both pick out some name together, just to be prepared!! Another thing, I'm having a baby shower soon and I've got to make invitations. I wanted a picture of my belly with his arms around it, but he's reluctant to do that, like as if there's some sort of problem with it! What's the big deal?? I feel like I get mixed messages from him because a part of me feels like he just doesn't care because of some of the stuff I mentioned and another part of me feels like he does care, becuase he was interested in coming to the ultrasound and he even wanted to go to the next one. He'll walk up to me and start rubbing my belly or will rest his hand on my belly at night. He'll ask me (not so often though) how his baby is doing....Things like that...so it confuses me. So I'm left wondering, WHAT THE HECK!?! Am looking into this too much? Or do you think he really isn't all that into it? Oh yeah, we don't live together. That's a whole different story, but nothing relevant to this situation.

 

Jamie - July 6

My husband was very excited and attached to the baby at first, always talking to my belly, etc. But, lately, he's been more distant - I'm due at the beginning of August, so I'm getting more excited by the minute, and he's not...so I don't know what to tell you, but I do empathize.

 

hidden - July 7

i am a guy although i have never had a kid or even s_x i do understand the mindset the guy is just worried about the future he will get better he just needs time to be ready for it

 

Dear Help! - July 7

I too have a husband with baggage and I'm finding it extremely difficult. I find he puts his daughter on a pedestal ALL the time, and doesn't really care about the new baby. He can't even be bothered to rub my back when it hurts (I'm 32 weeks). Our relationship was fine before I got pregnant, but recently things are beggining to take a turn for the worse. Because the daughter doesn't live with us, he TOTALLY spoils her rotten, she gets away with murder, because he's insecure about her not wanting to visit anymore. i'm scared that her awful upbringing will have a really bad affect on my child when it comes along. Another thing that annoys the hell out of me is him making out as if we are having the baby for her to play with, like it's going to be her dolly or something. I'm so screwed up inside my head at the moment. I've put so many other postings on this site asking for advice and help but nobody seems to listen. I too often think that I am b__wing things out of proportion but that's how he makes me feel. I am so depressed and often cry myself to sleep at night worrying about his behaviour and his att_tude which is no good for baby. I have tried talking but it is no use. he makes me feel as though I am selfish. I almost feel as though he is comparing my pregnancy to how his ex wife reacted to hers. So in a nutshell, in my limited experience, yes, some guys are awful to live with through pregnancy. I've a horrid feeling that it's not going to get much better either. I could go on and on and on about how I feel and the things he has done to upset me recently, but i'm sure I've bored you all enough

 

Jamie - July 8

Jessica - as a stepchild, I'm here to tell you - tell your husband how his kids are treating you. It's YOUR home, too, and you DO have a right to be respected in it. The kids probably resent you, but they're gonna have to get over it - and whether he likes it or not, your husband is going to have to be the one to stand up for you. I'd say, if he doesn't stand up for you to his kids...he's probably not worth being married to.

 

Ca__sie - July 8

Jessica....I know exactly how you are feeling. i am going through the same as you. My husband thinks his daughter walks on water and can do no wrong. When I tell her off for doing something wrong, she sulks and sulks until her dad goes and cuddles her. She is so spoilt. He is just giving her a stick to beat me with. i feel like giving up. When I talk to him, I am the crazy one who has problems, and he says I'm jealous of his daughter!!!!!! He won't treat my baby as though it is special for me, (my first).....and to be honest I don't really want his daughter to have much a__sociation with my baby because of the way she behaves. OK, she's not naughty, but she is so attention seeking and reliant on being bought presents etc. It is completely the opposite of what I want for my child. When we pick her up for tea, she gets in the car and before saying hello she says 'PIZZA HUT' in this demanding voice. No manners. When I try to teach her some, her father complains! WHAT the hell can I do? In the house she lives by the rules that i enforce, but that is causing friction betwenn me and my husband. The thing is, I'm not strict. I'm a nice person. Am i really going crazy....is he right?

 

Jessica F. - July 8

Well he sat the kids down on the couch and talked to them about respecting me and to remember their manners and that they need to start listening to me when I tell them something. So at least that part has worked. We havent had a chance to talk about the rest of it all yet, but we will. Just an update ladies.

 

Keith, dad of 2 - July 31

"Are a lot of guys like this" Umm not all, but it is a men thing.Just because a man shows no outward signs of interest on such matters does not necessary mean he his not 'over the moon inside'. Men express their feeling differently then do women, it's part of the male evolution thing, in just the same way as women express themselves, its part of the female evolution thing. Please consider this. However having said that I don't know your man, you do and you will have to tease his true feelings out of him. I have two boys from differant partners and I can honestly I was just as excited about the birth of each, I was there for every check up and ever u/sound and 'course the birth of both (children are a blessing) I think I was more excited about picking out baby stuff for my second then his mum (she had already had 3 children before).My advice to all dads to be is; come out of your cave,lower your emotional shields and let the mother of your baby know how pleased you are to a part of the whole pregnancy thing, listen very carefull to what she saying (and what she is not saying) don't give advice or try and solve her problems (unless she specifically asks you to) because chances are you can't anyway, she just needs you to be there for her. Actions speak very loud indeed so go to the prenatal, help with the choice of the new baby stuff give extra effort with the housework (it's harder yaka for her lugging bubs around for 9 mths) Don't just be interested but be seen to be interested. If it is your first baby together go out for a special meal/night out about a month before baby is due, just the two of you, becasue it will be a while before you can again for some time. Remamber we judge ourselves by our intentions but judge others by there actions. How will others judge you by your actions DAD??

 

Jessica F. - July 31

KEITH-- well said! My Dh has definitely come around for the better. The talks we have had on this subject have helped out tremendously and he truly didn't know he was acting as standoffish as he was. I trust him and believe this. Since our talk he has been a lot more emotionally involved in the pregnancy and has been a lot more vocal about it. He and I went out last weekend to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and then we went to walmart to pick out the outfit our new baby will be coming home in. He actually asked if he was allowed to go to one of my baby showers! He won't make the one being held today cause he's on call, but he'll make the big one being held by my family where I was born and where all my family lives. Well, with that said I do believe that men don't realize that the way they are reacting to certain things in regards to the new baby can actually be seen as upsetting by the new mom.

 

Keith, dad of 2 - August 4

HI Jessica Congratulation for the 1 year anniversary and the forth comming birth of your baby. Children are a blessing Warmest regards Keith (Adelaide, South Australia)

 

Jack - August 4

Your boyfriend is probably just worried, this is his 3rd kid you know, and just because he doesnt want to do it your way, doesnt mean hes not interested in it. Mabye he wants to wait to name the baby, my girlfreind is pregnant and we are waiting until the baby is here until we name it, some people are different. you say he talks to your belly or kisses it, that means hes interested, if he wants to wait and you dont, thats not a bad thing, it means he doesnt want to do everything the way you want to do it, women have an inherent weakness that they want everything done their way, and if the men dont do it their way, then we are A-holes or we dont care, thats not the case, he probably has a different way of handling it then you, mabye he wants a pictrue of you in his arms for the shower or mabye he wants to make more ideas before settling for one, myself, i like to weigh many options before settling for something, you have to remember that this is his baby to, you cant do everything the way you want it done. If he wants to wait, then wait and see what he does then, and the baby shopping thing, let me tell you, men dont know the first thing about baby shopping lol, i went with my girl the other day but i didnt know a thing, she kept asking me my opinion and i really didnt know what to say, i mean i dont really have an opinion on what the baby should wear or sleep in, men dont have that instinct that women do, i mean i know i dont this is my first, mabye with time i will become better. but if your really concerned try and nice talk with him, and ask him if he cares. But if you ask me, i think he just has a different way of handling the pregnancy than you, and thats not a bad thing, dont sweat it, it will work out. good luck

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?