Baby S Father Is Currently Across The Pond

7 Replies
ally - January 28

I'm american & he's british. He knows about the baby & we've both went through our tearful phonecalls together. My pregnancy is high risk, but she's doing better lately...it made him very happy to hear she's finally kicking & moving about. I stayed with him in UK for a few months & then had to come back for the holidays. Now I can't go back until I pay off all of my debt (oops!). He gets a vacation in the spring & I'd like him to come after the baby is born. But, this is where it gets tricky...his parents moved to Greece & he hasn't seen them in ages & wants to visit them badly. I don't know if I should be upset by this or just let him visit them. I'm not sure who's being the selfish one or if either of us are! He was so upset that he couldn't see them over the christmas season...as he ran into some unexpected bills...He's not sure when he would be able to take another vacation after he uses it for the spring time. He would just go ahead & come over later anyway, but he has a hardworking/good-paying job & doesn't want to lose it due to too many holidays. - - - Oh by the way, we're not an item at the moment...he's having some emotional problems (old heartbreak came back to haunt him, so now he's all fragile. He's having a hard time getting over it.) You may not be able to help me out with this one, but suggestions are welcomed. - - - I would just go over there later after I recover from labor & whatnot, but for some reason I highly doubt I'd be able to take an infant on an airplane...it seems too dangerous to me, as I know I'd be a nervous wheck making sure she's alright all the time. I wouldn't want her crying all the time either. Oh boy, I hope she won't be the type to constantly cry. Crying makes me upset. haha! On a last Q, would it be better to wait until she is ? months old before I take her anywhere far??? It's kinda too soon to discuss I guess, but it's pondering my mind so I had to mention it somewhere & get some input on the situation.

 

mom2 - January 30

Parents and Kids huh.....well i say its not really selfish to want to see the parents maybe he needs to talk to them about some of this and get theyr advice...as long as he is respectful to you in doing so...as far as the plane thing goes i took my son on a plane at 6weeks its perfictly safe just ask your dr after the baby has the first check up to make sure....it sounds like a stressfull situation give him some time to work it all through his mind, im ont saying a crazy amount of time but a little and just keep open communication about the situation, love that baby enough for the both of you untill he can get his act together....personaly i say its better that he is further away at least untill he has come to a decision having him there and confused might hurt more face to face. I understand the stress but just do what you can by getting ready for the new one and catching up on the financials on your end, doing this will make it less stressfull to you when the time for your baby to arrive gets closer. Best of luck to you keep it simple for now and allow your pregnancy to take full focus if your high risk worring more than normal wont help ither:) hope this helps a little:)

 

ally - January 30

i haven't spoken to him in a couple of weeks, i'd say i've been giving him time to think about everything. - - - im going to need to ask him if he has told his parents yet, he seems like the person to tell them...but hey, never know! i met his parents once for a few minutes & couldn't really tell if they're the type to be happy for him or be p__sed off at him. lol - my father thinks I am going to go nuts & take the baby over there right when she's born...oh boy i wish he was a little smarter than that! i think if I do go over there sometime soon...i'll wait until 6 months just so she will have grown a little bit. i cant even remember where mothers put their babies at on airplanes...do they just stay on their lap??? - - - im hoping he'll get his act together, i thought i knew him well enough that it seems like he would come to his senses & forget about past relationships...then again, anything's possible. - yeah I think it's better he's not right here with me at the time. even though, I miss him a lot...we went through some emotional situations when I was over there & we have a hard time expressing our fragile sides, just because we dont want to upset each other about anything. even though, he has upset me unintentionally so many times. :-/ - - - since im high risk, i have been mostly staying at home & trying to relax. I would say I am not too stressed....just worried about the things a new mother is usually about...well just a little more since it's high risk though. :-P - - - i love my baby with all my heart, i just wish I wasn't in love with the father since he's so far away. i get upset about it sometimes, i can only hope that he'll come around later. his presence always made me feel at total ease, no matter what. ----- okay, im rambling...thanks for the input. :)

 

mom2 - January 31

sounds like a few weeks is a lot of time:) its good to hear you have family that know and at least by putting input (right or wrong) it shows they care about your situation. How do your parents feel about him? if you dont mind me asking....it sounds like your going to be a great mom i see so many forums where the mom is forced to chase the fauther and ask him to be involved...its my personal opinion that if mom has done everything she can then there is a point where she just has to trust that he will come around and if he dosent well then she has to just keep lovin the little one and one day the baby will know how much you really care. Sounds like your handeling things well considering.....i hope your family comes together the way you want. keep me updated your in my thoughts. Ohh and they sit on your lap untill they turn 3yrs my husband and i took our 2 1/2 year old to see grandma and grandpa and it was a nightmare!!!! i was 7 months pregnate and he would NOT sit still i about had a break down:) i missed the days where he just sat in my arms and slept:) at least on the plane:)

 

ally - January 31

yeah, i need to call him sometime this week! it feels like it's been ages. he he! my dad doesn't really know much about him, he's always kinda sketchy about guys I hang out with...so we don't talk about him...my dad is the sort of person who has to meet the person in order to have an accurate opinion. My mom has never met him & she seems fond of him. i've told her everything about him, so she knows about our ups & downs...my mom hopes to meet him sometime soon, she's been impressed ever since I first told her about him long time ago. :-P ----- The thought of chasing the father around has crossed my mind a few times...I'm grateful that he hasn't turned his back on me! Even if I have to chase him around, what's the point in it? It just causes stress & hatred. I'd rather not be on bad terms with him forever. I know too many girls around here that has ran after the fathers & just to get $$$. It's really silly how far they'll go. - - - If he doesn't come around & as long we keep a close friendship, I'll be fine with it. I just wouldn't like him to act as if he doesn't have a child. - - - My family has been supporting me for the most part, except that my sister is constantly trying to bring my self-esteem down...which is a different story. lol - - - Thanks for the airplane input, I really was wondering about that! I always see little kids on airplanes, yet I couldn't remember if they get their own seats. :) - - - I'll be so lucky if my baby's a calm one...don't blame you for almost breaking down, I would of too, if your kid didn't stop moving around! - - - If you want, give me your email address & we can keep in contact with each other that way!

 

mom2 - January 31

my e-mail is [email protected] feel free to write...how old are you if you dont mind me askin? Im 22. your dad sounds like a typical fauther its true that the best impression is made in person it must be hard for him to know he will have a grandbaby by this guy and has yet to meet him. But i dont know where you and your guy first meet. if it was over there then it was probibly hard to get them to meet. talk later..

 

ally - January 31

thanks for sharing your email! i'm 22 too! My dad's just happy that he's finally getting a grandkid! he's always loving when it comes to peoples' kids, so now he's really happy that he'll have his own to spoil. :) i'll email you sometime later.

 

mom2 - January 31

sounds good...i gave my parents there first grand kids a 2 1/2 year old and the one due any day they spoil the heck out of them!!!!! look forward to hearing from you!

 

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