Don T Touch Me

50 Replies
sye - January 1

it's the pregnancy hormones...see, men don't understand that the hormones in our bodies are going crazy and it's real hard for some of us to deal with it... you'll have to do your best to deal with it...it's all part of the package and it would help if you really watch what you say too....some women are super sensitive...here's an example...look in the forum and look up the topic "insensitive jerk"

 

Christy - January 1

JKC- I've read through most of your thread and I think I have most of what's going on down. I am sorry for everything you are going through. To answer your "important" question, did I have doubts about my relationship with my dh while pregnant? Absolutely. I even went so far as devising mental exit strategies, but never acted on them or said anything about it. The thing was that I wanted more affection, attention, and s_x, but my dh was uninterested and distant, which made me feel unattractive and unloved, hence the exit planning. Now that we have an 8 week old, I am feeling better about things, although they aren't perfect. I will say that having the baby here definitely makes me feel a lot more committed to the marriage and makes me feel like some of our tough times together were worthwhile. As for your situation, I think your gf, at the very least, has some issues with commitment. It wasn't clear to me if your are officially broken up, but I will a__sme that you are. I would forget about the romantic relationship for now. I think your best course of action at this time is to meet her somewhere and discuss what you both want for this baby. Decide how custody, child care, and child support are going to work. Since you aren't married, you should find out how to make this more official so that you have legal recourse should she try to screw you over. As for whether you should go looking for a "decent" woman, that is up to you. I personally would not want to date a guy in your current situation. You are just coming off a tough break-up and have a pregnant ex whom you are not over. I don't think you would make the best partner to someone right now. You have too much stuff going on and there is a chance you may go back to the ex if she beckons. If I was you, I'd try to get through the pregnancy and get all the custody arrangements made up with your ex. You also need to find out if she wants you to be her support person during labor and delivery and if she does, sign up for any childbirth ed cla__ses together. Lastly, you need to figure out what kind of help she wants from you once your dd arrives. She may be acting b___hy and independent now, but there is a good chance she'll be calling you on the phone crying to come help once the baby is here. I know I would be- LOL! So, to summarize, drop the relationship stuff for now except for making it so you guys can effectively parent this child together. Figure out the details of custody,etc and make it official/legal. Avoid jumping into a new relationship/dating until you're through the pregnancy and have a childcare routine established with your ex. If somewhere along the road you two kiss and make up, great. If not, at least you two have a beautiful child together that you can be proud of. Happy new year and good luck!

 

JKC - January 1

To Christy - thx for you input. I know this thread has been a long one - lots of inputs from different people with varying opinions. As for what you recommended, we have already moved in that direction. Although she wants no relationship with me, we always go together to her appointments and stuff. I will be there with her during her delivery (she wants me there) and we have dicussed somewhat the intricacies of how we're going to handle taking care of our daughter. She will keep her (of course...she's planning on b___stfeeding) and I will get to have her for short periods of time like on weekends or maybe even for a whole week if thats feasible. We get along great in the birthing process and child-rearing dept. We agree to most everything when it comes to our baby. It's just the relationship part that aint doing so hot right now...it's not doing at all as a matter of fact. So, yes, I'm moving on and dealing with all of this. I'm not planning on dating right now (Im not in the mood for it just yet anyway). I'll hold off on that for a while on focus on the baby for now as I know that's what is most important. We'll see if she snaps out of it after the baby is born.

 

sye - January 1

don't expect her to just snap out of it when the baby is born...it takes time for the body to go back to normal

 

ally - January 2

Every few days i read the latest on ur life, all i can say is, its so not fair. Its like me, whats meant to be the best time of ur life has been turned miserable by someone. She sounds like my ex, they leave a string of broken hearts behind and think nothing of it, maybe someone can answer me when i ask and even you may be able too.. is why dont ppl try, why do they just walk away? My ex says he still wouldn't have tried cause the last couple of months went downhill but why forget that the last 4 yrs were fantastic. What makes one person want to stick it out yet anothers answer is to hit the road. Jkc I am with you in your pain, i do agree u cant keep someone who doesn't want to stay. It hurts so much when someone leaves you, these women keep quoting hormones, they can play a huge part in how you are feeling and men find it hard to understand them but her actions lean towards more of a lifestyle she is used too rather than hormones. I am sure u have cried and i am sure it hurts like there is no tommorow and i dont doubt u get up in the morning and feel lost, somehow, some way that needs to end and the way i deal with it is to remind myself that only a very cold person, selfish and cold blooded could act in this way and never look back, u need to remember that too cause the hormones are a weak excuse for someone treating u in a way that is more than unfair and undeserving, You know i read about ur agreeing with custody and such, my issue is at the moment he cant take her out as he lost his licence but later he wants to take her out with his other kids instead of it being separate. I dont even want anyone on his side to enjoy her and i wish they would all just disappear, i dont mind him seeing her here anytime at all but the thought of is mum who i havent heard from or his kids spending time with her worries me and i need to get past that, u are lucky she will be cool with u having ur baby for long periods of time... hang in there jkc and remember you r the victim, not her

 

JKC - January 2

To Ally – I’m still here and she’s still......not. I went through a real rough time of depression these last few weeks, but I’m starting to get over it. For the longest time I was trying to find out the underlying cause of her leaving. I went from “It’s the hormones” to “she’s got deep psychological problems”, then “no, it’s this” and “no, it’s that”.......I just basically gave up trying to figure it out. All I was doing was driving myself nuts and not letting myself move on. It just p__ses me off that my baby’s gonna grow up in a split family. But I did make one surprising discovery....I’m a Pursuer and she’s an Avoider (I found this info on the net and it described our relationship to a tee). Anyway, I’ve decided that, for my benefit, I’m going to terminate all contact with her for a while until I can get past this. Who knows? Maybe it’ll do her some good as well, too. We’re both in the Air Force and I’ve got a TDY coming up next week for a few weeks, so I’ll take advantage of that time away to think about things and just basically heal. I wished like hell I could understand what your ex is doing. I don't get it myself. People in this world have different values and morals about them. I see this child as something so d__n wonderful – there’s just no way I’ll miss out on her life....married to her mother or not. But some people don't view children the same way others do – some think of kids as “just another byproduct” of s_x. Not to say that’s what your ex thinks; I’m just trying to make a point. The ONLY advice I can give you is not to pressure him or try making him feel guilty so that he’ll come back around or to visit his 4 mth old daughter...that tactic doesn’t work....period. On another note, I’ve been dealing with my depression issues on another website that’s been extremely helpful (www.allaboutcounseling.com/bboards). I get tons of generous responses and all have been helpful. Try it out if you want and let me know how it goes for you. I’m concerned for you as well.

 

ally - January 3

U are lucky u can stop seeing her for a while. The only way i could would be to get away for a bit cause every few days or so he is here visiting and i agree, split family sucks especially when it could have been avoided. Dont waste ur time trying to a___lyse the situation, why why why, we all do and we will never really know as my mum tends to say. I will check out this site u mentioned. How long were u together all up? My mum keeps telling me this is how some ppl live, they just walk so easily and never look back, they are the losers, mine is almost 40 and living with his mother and how many times has urs been married? They will perhaps never settle down and realise sometimes life isnt always easy. You gotta be a tough cookie to hang in there and taking the highway shows no strength or character at all. You will feel better having time away and i hope your pain goes very soon, just to clarify he left when she was almost 4 and a half mths, she is now 7 mths and its all still the same, its weird cause it hurts more but i actually think its really kicked in now. Take care ....

 

JKC - January 7

Hey Ally! You still there? If so, email me at [email protected] I've got some good news for you that I know you could use right now and it's way too much info to post in here. Trust me. ;o)

 

simit - March 3

how does the liver help us

 

JKC - March 4

Huh? You are f*cking weird *and* in the wrong post *and* obviously on crack. Seek life elsewhere.

 

Jaqi - March 4

JKC: I just happened across this site and thought I'd give you a shout out: I skimmed through this forum and just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know it's hard but it will all work out in the end. Yeah, it sucks to hear that..believe me I know..I have to go through IVF. Whatever your situation is now, just be there for your daughter. That's your only job. I'm sure the hormones played a part but from what I read, it seemed like ya'll had problems before the baby. Don't worry, you'll find an awesome woman who will take care of you, as well as you do her! Hang in there!

 

Lana_k - April 1

I think that she should find a new husband, all you men only care about your selves...try to be more understanding..I wonder how you would feel if u had a baby in your stomach...how dare you even consider wanting to look for a new wife..JERK

 

JKC - April 21

To Lana_k - you OBVIOUSLY didnt read everything...you skimmed through what you wanted to see. I'm not looking for another wife. I'm being forced to move on with my life without my child. I'm getting so tired of people posting their stupid comments, pointing fingers at me, and letting their mouths overload their own a__ses. I didn't ask for this Lana_k - this is what I was dealt. So please, the next time you want to run your mouth, take some time out, go back to school, learn to read PROPERLY, and then post your comments. And for those of you who DID read and understand my situation - my little girl will be born any day now and I am ecstatic about it. Her mother and I talk more often. However, she still acts like a b*tch sometimes....still the same self-centered woman as before. And yes, she didn't waste time finding another boyfriend. As for you Lana_k - go to hell or learn to read.

 

JKC - April 22

To Lana_k - I would like to apologize for that last nasty comment of mine. It was uncalled for and I shouldn't have responded in that manner. This whole ordeal has been an emotional rollercoaster ride....nothing turned out like it should have between her and I. I'm not a bad person, I'm not absusive in any way, and I dont screw around. I got the short end of the stick out of that relatiosnhip. I want people who read this to understand - - she left on her own accord, and because of that our daughter will reap the consequences of it. THAT is what bothers me the absolute most.

 

Ducky - April 26

I acted almost the same way when I was pregnant. I hated any thing too close to me because I felt like a cow and that I needed my space. It's also harder to breathe and you feel like you can't get in a good breath sometimes, so if you're all up in my face it's really uncomfortable. Plus I could smell every thing and she probably can too (including your stinky man breath) jk. And of course she is thinking about if she wants to stay with you or not. She is taking every thing into consideration her baby. She wants to make sure you're going to be a good dad and that she is going to continue to be happy with you. I'd say you don't have to kiss her a__s too hard...The best thing to do is AVOID conflict....At all coasts. Do nice things for her, bring home a teddy bear and some ice cream once in a while and let her pick where you guys are going to eat out. You don't have to meet her every little need (she still needs to get up once in a while) But if she just seems like she isn't happy at all with you then bring it up and talk to her about it when she seems like she is in a decent mood. Don't come on too strong and try and get her to talk as much as possible. You should keep in mind that you have 5 more months of this and it might get worse. It's up to you what you do, but if you really want to try and work it out then I would say stick with her until the baby comes, if things aren't going well a few months into baby time, then I don't think there would be any thing else besides therapy or you leaving. Tell me how things are going, I'm curious to know what a guy really thinks about the woman he loves with a belly the size of a beach ball. Tell me about it (I can't get any thing out of my husband) [email protected] Maybe you could talk to my husband about it too, he may have some advice for you since I was the same way. Good luck.

 

valknight - April 29

i know whats ur feelin man, my fiance does the same, shes almost entering the second trimester, its like i can never actually be able to show her affection and im a verry romantic kind of guy, i write poems,. and buy flowers, and she wont even answer the questions i have but anyways man, just stick through it, its hard as hell, but if you wake up in the morning and you think of her then let her know that, and if you think shes treatin you like c___p, get one of her friends to sit down with her and talk to her about it. likelyhood is that she knows shes doin it, just cause your lettin her get away with it.

 

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