He Lied To Get Me Into Bed And Now I M Pregnant

11 Replies
ella - March 29

okay, i have to start from the beginning here. i met him and we started hanging out. we got along SO well and we really clicked. he made himself sound like this really amazing person, very deep, very accomplished, etc. when the time came to have s_x, he told me he was sterile so we didn't need protection. i'm not that dumb so i told him to use a condom. anyways, he didn't: he claims it slipped off during but i think he never put it on (we were kinda drunk at the time so i didn't notice). anyways, when i realized there was no condom, i freaked out and i told him that i didn't want to get pregnant. he said he would love it if i did. we had known eachother for like a month. it was kinda weird that he'd say that. anyways, the rest of the month went great. we got along so well and everything was great. he told me tons of stories about his life and i really felt like i knew him. when my period was late and i got a positive test, i was shocked and freaked out but he made me feel so much better about it and i really felt like we had a chance. two days later, i find out that he has lied to me about every single thing he has ever told me. he lied to make himself sound like a completely different person. i don't respect him anymore because of the lies but i'm trying to get over that for the sake of the baby. (i'm 3months now). well ever since i found out about the lies, he has become this really mean, defensive person and he freaks out on me all the time for no reason. he yells at me and stresses me out, makes me feel like c__p all the time and then says it's my fault and i push him to do that. i'm trying really hard to just allow him to be the lazy person that he really is, even though i thought i was getting into a relationship with an ambitious, passionate, motivated person...i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but i don't know what else to do. he tells me constantly how mean i am to him (i'm so not) and all he ever wants to do is sit around the house on his computer. he tells me constantly how much he loves me and that he wants to get married and i tell him that that's crazy since he just fights with me constantly and seriously, i don't respect him at all. he doesn't take care of me at all either, he doesn't act at all like i'm pregnant. he'll eat the last of the food in the house even though he's going to work where there's a ton of food and even though he knows that due to complications, i can't go to the grocery and carry things home. he is super selfish and lazy and he doesn't go out of his way to be kind to me ever. i know it sounds so jerry springer ,but it is our situation and if anyone has any productive advice, i'd really appreciate some. thx.

 

SaraC - March 29

You sound like you are in denial. All you talk about is what he is doing what he has done. What have you done? What does he have to be defensive about? You said he freaks out all the time and is defensive, but about what? He claims you are mean to him and you push him? What do you push him about? Did he abandon you? What has his role been since you told him? How are you feeling? Are your hormones going bonkers? You should try and take it easy on him and see how he acts? I'm not saying its all you, but I'm saying that it cant be all him. What did he lie about? Were they big lies or little white lies? No lie is good, but just curious.

 

Jamie - April 5

If he puts you on the defensive and says his behavior is your fault, I would say run like the wind as fast as you can to get as far away from him as possible, because that is a GIANT red flag for an abuser. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional, and do you really want your child raised around that?

 

corinne - April 5

I agree with Jamie get out of the relationship as fast as you can. You've only known him for how long now? I've known people to be in these relationships and it starts out that way and eventually it does get physical.

 

anamariaflorencia - April 5

OMG ella!!! GET OUT! Pack your bags and leave while he's at work. You and your baby DO NOT need this! Go back to your parents, to a friends...anywhere. Please don't let yourself go through with this. This is a terrible situation...I'm so sorry you're in it. But please, there are better men out there. I'm sure you're not going to trust for a while...but there is someone out there that will treat you the way you deserve...and more.

 

Jamie - April 7

ella, I'd be curious for an update...I was re-reading your post, and you are perfectly describing an ex of mine...I don't know why it didn't click with me before...but anyway...so, this guy (we'll call him James) and I worked together...we started dating, and ultimately he moved in with me - he said it was because he didn't get along with his roommate. He quit the job where we worked together, and said that he was going to school. It was like this for a few months, until I ran into his roommate at a video store - come to find out, his roommate had kicked him out because he hadn't paid his half of the rent in 6 months. I naturally freaked, because he had claimed that he was paying *my* rent for the prior 3 months...so I contacted my landlord, and found out they were evicting me for non-payment, and he had hidden the eviction notice! When I confronted him about it, that same day, he threw me down a flight of stairs. I left, and came back the next day with my 2 football-player uncles, packed up my stuff, and moved back in with my mom. Never saw the jerk again, thank god. There are some people in this world who are just born liars...anyway...I'd just like to hear how you're doing!

 

stephgts - April 22

Wow, this sounds so much like my ex who's child I am also pregnant with. We started out as just friends too. That lasted about 4 months. Then we got together. He told me about a list he wrote when he was little about all the things he wanted to accomplish in his life. He told m all SORTS of things. Then when I got pregnant...what a loser he's turned out to be. Yeah, he's good at making money, but he spends it like crazy. He stopped showering and when he wasn't at work he wouldn't do anything but sit on the couch or drink with his buddies. He missed a court date and ended up sitting in jail for 6 hours because of it. When I broke up with him, he went around telling people that I punched him in the face (which I did NOT) just so he wouldn't look like the bad guy. Then his jerk friend found my online journal and printed it out and my ex threatened to sue me for slander and all kinds of stuff. I tried pushing him, tried talking to his family, now I'm trying it the nice way and he's done nothing but b__w me off. He calls me crazy and has missed 2 important ultrasounds (one was to find out the s_x of the baby) and doesn't take any responsibility for his actions. I'm starting to hate him, really hate him and I DON'T want to do that. It makes me want to cry.

 

ThePezChick - May 22

Stinkyfingers... Why are you even on this board? Every post I've seen by you has been negative. If you can't offer a__sistance or advice that is helpful why would you choose to make sure nasty and negative remarks?

 

trishnish - May 23

StinkyFingers what kind of person are you? when i read your post it enraged me and i really felt the need to reply, women on this board don't really need theis kind of c___p they have enough going on in there lifes without some imature small minded idiot like you trying to bring them down further hyave you never heard of the saying if you ain't got nothing nice to say don't say nothing at all!! I really hope you are never in a position in your life where you need support and understanding and someone kicks you when you are down then you will know how it feels. you seem so hateful what happened to you in your life that has made you this way? ella and stephgts and everyone else in this situation i wish you luck and i was in a similar situation with the father of my 2 kids he was an evil lying bully, i have been away from him for 6 years now and although it was hard at first, my life couldn't be any better now i have met a wonderful man who is everything my ex partner wasn't , so girls don't let this put you off men for life cause there are a few good guys out there and don't let a few nasty words from negative people get you down hugs xxxx

 

trishnish - May 23

I'm sorry if that seems harsh but people making stupid comments like that about situations they no nothing about really gets to me

 

lexa - May 24

Well, I am curious to hear how ella is doing right now! There was a very negative comment that I read and it was downright rude! I don't beleive for one second that StinkyFingers is a perfect person and what gives you the right to name calling? As ThePezChick said, you are to offer advice and help if you can. If you can't, then you don't belong here! Ella, this was a new "friendship" that seemed to turn to "relationship" due to the baby. Things seemed to have moved very quickly for you and him. I had a similar problem with my dh when I first got pg (8 years ago). We weren't married at the time and just moved in together (after a year). I should say that we were really young at the time and enjoyed going out. Well, it all stopped for me and NOT for him! He continued to go out 6 nights a week while I was at home. Then he did nothing! We almost split up after baby because he didn't change! Long story short, it took adjusting on both of our parts and it did not happen quickly! We got married 2 years after our son was born and things have been really good. I ma now 21 weeks along and it is much better this time around! In your situation, you guys didn't even have time to see if your personalities were compatible at all. If this is something you would be able to work out, it will take a lot of effort, time and patience on both parts. You may find out that you guys are not meant to be at all! And ignore "StinkyFingers"! You try to worry more on the baby at this point (I'm talking about the one in your belly, not on the couch)! That's who/what matters most at this point! Keep us posted please! Good luck!!!

 

mcbanes_angel - June 18

my advice is get out. run. there is no need for you to be with someone who treats you like this. it is putting too much stress on the baby, and its not worth it. if you are worried about the baby having a father, think of this...would you rather find another man that loves and takes care of you and the baby, or someone who treats you like c___p. this guy will probably treat the baby wrong too. its just not worth it. find someone better, even if it takes a while.

 

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