He REALLY Doesn T Want A Baby

14 Replies
Paige80 - January 23

I just found out that I'm 5 weeks pregnant, and I am very afraid to tell my boyfriend. We've been together for three and a half years, but he's one year younger than me, just started his first real job, makes $300 a week, can't take care of himself, and has said several times that he would FREAK out and "kill me" if I had a baby now. I know he wouldn't literally kill me...but I'm aware of how strongly he doesn't want a baby now. I'm not sure how to tell him at all. It's clearly his fault too...but for some reason he blames every thing on me in any situation. I'm really afraid to give him news this big, and this bad(in his eyes). I'm not extremely happy about this, but I'm also not as upset as I thought I'd be. I don't want him to feel like he's stuck with me, or that I'm stuck with him. My doctor said, "There's really no GOOD time to tell a guy that you're having his baby when he doesn't even want a baby yet!" I feel extremely guilty for keeping this from him for the past few days, but I just can't find a way to tell him. Are there any new dads who once felt this same way, and then changed once they found out the news?

 

Steph - January 24

Were you two using birth control? If not, then he should expect that you could get pregnant. If you were using b/c and using it correctly, then I can see him probably being a bit upset and it may take some time before he is able to adjust to the fact that he is going to have a child.

 

john - January 25

i think you should tell him he is going to be a father, say all of the positive things that come from a baby and when he tries to turn it around just keep on with the posittive. there is no reason he should be upset, its not like you just bought an ugly car, you are bringing a beutiful baby into this world

 

kris A. - January 25

I'd come up with a plan on how you are going to afford this baby, as it is insanely expensive to have a child in daycare (my area 150 - 250 a week for a newborn, I pay 208 for a high quality care center). Add formula and diapers and you can expect little one to cost 1000. a month, mine does. Once you figure out how you are going to make it work, then tell him. You are going to have to be the strong one here, and present it in a firm and loving way - he may blame you for everything in every situation because we, as women, tend to take the blame in an effort to calm things down... that wont work here. Talk to your family and see what support they can offer, and then present a united front. And be careful, many men HAVE killed their pregnant girlfriends/ wives to avoid the financial burden that is going to be a part of his life for the next 18 years, and I am sure if they thought their mates were serious, they wouldn't be dead. Be careful, and best of luck.

 

izzy1052 - January 27

ok... my boyfriend felt the same way as yours did... we have been together for 3 years and i am 19 and he is 21... he def. is not ready for a child but he is def. coming around to the idea now that im almost 8 mths. i honestly thought that it was over between us but he loves me enough to stay here and take care of me and the baby.. if your bf truely loves you and wants things to work then he wont leave.. since your not married i would suggest getting medicaid and WIC to help out financially because it sounds like your eligible.. baby's are blessings and if you want this child then don't let him make you give it up.. you will regret it... i know i would have.. but now im having a precious baby girl and i dont regret a thing.. even risking my relationship with my bf.. do what you feel is right... but you do need to tell him immediately... i told mine as soon as i walked outta the bathroom from takin the Preg test... good luck

 

Sue - February 2

My boyfriend freaked when I told him and dumped me and said I was on my own. After 3 months he called me crying. I am now engaged, we got a house together and he is excited. Your man will come around, trust me.

 

Brad - February 7

I didnt want one either. Type A no time type. When they come its amazing how your priorities become focused on making things good. When my wife told me she was pregnant I freaked. I cried in fact. What the F*** are we going to do I asked. I was numb. BEST THING EVER. Besides if I have enough of them I wont have to do anything (at least till they leave home :D )

 

fancy - February 8

My husband and I have been married for just a few months, and the other day I had to go to the hospital because of pain in my right side. I have been having a lot of problems with my period and not ovulating that I thought this had to do with it. The last thing on my mind was pregancy. My husband and I only had s_x once unprotected and with my situation who would have thought! Anyway the test came back + and he freaked, almost threw up. I felt so guilty and bad b/c he is not ready. We are not financially ready or mentally, but we are still in the process of finding out if this prenancy is going to even happen. My pregnancy levels are very low so we are having time to adjust to the idea before it is even def. But him and I are trying to make light of the situation, and see what we can do to prepare financially and mentally. Try to let your bf know everything will be allright. Do you have family to help you? Let him know you both will get through this. Things happen for a reason.

 

sbw - February 10

We as women need to stop making ourselves feel bad because our boyfriend or dh doesn't want a baby and you pop up preg. This is my advice, if he can't deal with it drop him, he helped and he knew what causes babies. My dh and I had been talking about about a baby and he was dead set against it, so I gave up and guess what I am now 3 mos preg. He had a fit when I told him, and when he got home, I had all my stuff packed along with my our two kids and I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, because I will not subject my baby to his negative feelings. I even told him I wouldn't call and let him him know anything and he didn't have to sign the birth certificate. He straightened up and he is more excited than I am right now( I had a mc in march of last year, so I didn't want to get my hopes up). If he loves you, he will accept it. Put your foot down and mean it, even if it means walking away, sometimes walking away is best, at least you don't have to put up with him blaming you. Whatever you do, do it for you and the baby. Men can be selfish, but hey, what does a mother do to a selfish child? She shows him he can't have it his own way all the time.(saying that to say men can act like children) Let him know you are not Burger King.

 

wicca_moon_03 - March 8

I know how you feel. Im 17 and my boyfreind is 20. I had the IUD and since my school doesnt teach the use of birth control even close to throughly, i dindt know that you could still get prengnant. I knew that niether of us has any STDs and since hes uncirc_mcised and is allergic to condoms, we didnt bother with them. Me, not knowing that i could get pregnant a__sured him that it was ok and that i wouldnt since he really doensnt want a baby right now anyway. He didnt know that i could get pregnant either. Now im 26 weeks pregnant and since i have a very large build as it is, no one can tell yet. Im so terrified to tell him because not only is he in college, but he works a job that pays about 6.30 and hour and he works about 30 hours a week so he cant afford to pay for college and his own place. So he is living with his mother at the moment. And if his mother finds out, She will kick him out of her house. She is a major christian and will disown us and all that. And my mom had kicked me out of her house because i was always at work or school and never had time to clean up after my brothers and sisters. In the process of kicking me out, she destroyed my birth certificate, my social secutiry card, my drivers licence and my ATM card. Now i have no way of getting a job until im 18 because i cant a drivers licence without a birth ceritficate and i cant get a birth certificate until im 18 cuz im a minor and i was born in arizona. and obvioulsy i cant get a job without a dl or a ss card. So i currently have no way to support myself. And i have no money saved up because my mom took my checks from my previous job. She said she could since she was my mother and i was only 17. I havent even gone to get check up for my pregnancy because i have no money and cant tell my boyfreind. I know this doesnt answer your question, but i just wanted you to know i know how you feel.

 

Hi - March 9

My boyfriend didn't either, to put it mildly. He wanted me to have an abortion, but I couldn't. He was packing to leave, but did end up staying. He wouldn't talk to me for a month. It took some time, but he came around in a huge way. He can't even stand to think of what he once wanted. Our son is a daddy's boy, and that's an understatement! I just wanted to let you know it's very normal to have serious doubts (it's a major life change), but often you figure things out. He might not come around, but it's too soon to tell. I hope you have the ending I have. Worst case, maybe it's time to move on. It's not solely your fault. Good luck.

 

njinco - March 26

Well, I've got a story for you too! I'm 33, was dating a guy who is 24, we broke up last week and I'm pregnant. When I told him, he said "you're not seriously considering having it, are you?". When I told him yes, he freaked. I'm fine without him, I think, but going to doctors appointments, etc. alone kind of scares me. I'm not banking on the fact that he'll come around, but I sort of hope he at least steps up a little. But, like someone mentioned, I'm not going to let the stress & negativity of that affect me & this baby. Just tell your boyfriend, and let him make his own decision. Give him time--it's very overwhelming, and guys are...idiots sometimes. Then, do whatever you need to do to have a healthy pregnancy, and go from there.

 

meghanlee - September 22

Hi everyone. I am 25 years old and my bf is 26. We have been together for two years and I am 3 months pregnant. When I first found out my boyfriend freaked out and wanted me to have an abortion. We almost broke up and I spent a lot of time crying and feeling very very alone. He did not leave and although things were very tense for a while it is getting better everyday. What really opened his eyes was when I got my first ultrasound and he saw his baby. It freaked him out but he has gotten more and more excited. He now carries the ultrasound pic around in his wallet. Don't worry he will most likely come around and be everything you wanted him to be. If he doesn't than you can always get rid of him. You and your child do not need someone like that in your lives. No matter how much you love him.

 

abercrombiegirl16 - November 17

Did you use protection? I think if you're afraid to tell him and if you're afraid of how he might react, then maybe you shouldn't be with this guy. Clearly, things happen, if he's a good guy and if he's ready, he'll respect your decision and he'll completely understand.

 

Roxanne - January 5

I'm sorry to say this and it won't help in your situation, but this is exactly why we are not supposed to have s_x until we are married. And even then, sometimes the men are upset at our pregnancies (like mine after ten years!). But at least we have a stable (or suppose to be stable) place to raise the kid. The time to set our foot down is when we are dating. "No, sweetie, no s_x unless we are married." No breeding untill the nest is ready. And I am only saying this in hindsight and because I'm older (36), because when I was young, I had s_x before marriage and just got lucky and didn't get pregnant. But I really feel sad to read about all these poor women who are pregnant and their boyfriends are leaving them. And the poor kids, too. We really need to wise up.

 

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