Help With Daddy To Be For Mummy To Be

9 Replies
Claudia - January 24

My husband is lovely and great and is looking forward to our baby coming along. However, when I am being sick or have a cramp or tiredness....it's seriously like he doesn't care. he has never offered a massage, even when I have asked, and I always feel really guilty about lying down and having a sleep when I get in from an exhausting day at work. he keeps telling me that pregnancy is not an illness, but i am NOT overreacting to my symptons. I just want a bit of TLC for baby and me....is that too much to ask? Please help. I need some advice or suggestions as to why this is happening. I don't want to confront him because I don't want to argue or feel depressed when baby is growing inside

 

Bigbelly#2 - January 24

Well- as hard as it might be, communication is going to be your best bet. Chances are, he doesn't understand all that is involved with pregnancy- all the little aches and pains we experience are foreign to men since they don't have to go thru it!! Maybe try to find a good pregnancy book to go thru with him- like a week by week book that you can spend a little time each week reading thru with him. I have a good one Called "Your Pregnancy Week By Week". Let him know that something you are feeling this or that and don't have the energy that you usually do. Tell him it's not something you want to argue about, but something you hope he can understand. Pregnancy is a whole different experience for you- hopefully explaining how you are feeling to him will help and he will start to be more compa__sionate.

 

Bigbelly#2 - January 24

That book is "Your Pregnancy Week by Week"- 4th edition and is by Glade B. Curtis. It is very good cuz it has helpful hints for Dad in there as well as keeps you posted on where your baby is that week in development. Fun to go thru with your mate and see what's going on with you and your baby. Good luck!!

 

KM - February 10

man he sounds like my mom lol..my whole pregnancy she preached to me that "pregnancy is not an illness"..l quote her exact words lol. He is going to need to be there for you, you are going to need some much deserved love, attention and pampering. Men! if they only went through what we did! they are babies lol Good idea about the book bigbelly.. another good one is what to expect while youre expecting..my bf and I read it together everynight when I was preggo. i tried to keep him involved with the pregnancy as much as possible, he came to prenatal cla__ses, so he learned a bit of what I was going through and was a bit more compa__sionate. Also, after seeing the horrible time I had during labour he was very sympathetic and took amazing care of me afterwards. keep him involved when baby gets there too, let him do all the babycare duties in the hospital. he will get good hands on experience where there are nurses to a__sist him when he has questions.my bf never took care of a newborn before and by the time we left the hospital he was pro. Hehad to be there for me a lot at first because I had a section and wasnt too easily mobile.but even now he still makes up bottles,bathes,changes,feeds and plays with our son.

 

emma - March 5

Hey Claudia, I know how you feel - I was going through the same thing about 2 months ago - (I am now 5 months gone) He was just distant and just little things like he wouldn't even take the initiative to do the dishes in the morning - knowing that when I got up I would have to deal with 1)vomiting 2)taking out the trash 3)feeding the dog 4)doing the dishes and 5)getting ready for work. This of course meant I had to get up earlier than normal at a time when I really needed more sleep. I am still and was at the time - working full time. Then all of a sudden, without me having to winge and moan - he got it! I think it was around the time we had the 1st ultrasound and he saw it. Now it's kicking and we know the s_x he's telling me to lay down and relax all the time. Men just take a bit longer to completely understand I think. They can also feel a little left out of the whole process in the beginning because you're the one getting all the attention.

 

Kate - June 20

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant and have a similar problem. My husband is great at doing the chores but when it comes to a bit of TLC he hasn't got a clue. I just tried telling him how I feel and he said nothing and didn't even give me a hug. I feel so alone in this and I just don't understand. The baby was planned and very much wanted and now he doesn't seem to care about me or the baby. I've given him so much support over the years and now I'm getting nothing back. I feel absolutely heart broken at a time when we should be really excited and going through this together. We've been married a year but together for 9 and I feel like this could really damage our long term relationship. I feel sad and confused all the time. Anyone got any advice?

 

Stephanie - June 22

Hi! This exact thing happened to me until he saw the baby on the monitor. Maybe take him to your next appt and ask for an ultrasound. It helped in our house!

 

nicole - June 22

been there, doesnt get better once the baby is born either, it only gets worse.

 

Susan - July 23

I feel sorry for you that your hubby is not very understanding but I feel that what you need to do is pamper yourself during your pregnancy. Some examples are get a facial or manicure once a week. I also think that maybe your husband came from a family where he never learned to pamper a women and with time and patience he will bend. I know this sounds kinda silly but Dr.Phil has a book called relationship rescue that helped improve my marriage and it was because I changed my behavior toward my husband. I wish you luck and try the book.

 

caryn - August 22

that is not to much at all.... Dad needs to understand what your body and the baby are going thru. Maybe a book for him to read would be helpful in makeing him understand... if he chooses not to then all i can say is you need to do what your body is telling you cause no one else will be able to tell you that stuff.. I read some where being pregnant takes the same amount of energy as mountain climbing or excersize like that... of course you are going to be tired

 

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