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LM-Insulted - November 14th, 2005 11:27 AM

Ok, I am 28, married for 2 years in Dec. (together for 7)… recently I have been quite worried about conceiving a child, (the last year or so) as many in my family have struggled in many forms and fashions. In the past I have come off Birth control and always told RM, but then would choose to go back on. Anyhow, my last period I came off, just to give my body a one month reprieve….knowing my body best, however I decided not to tell RM as we have been having some problems with trust, (mostly me with him) and are presently in counseling to help, and since I know that I was only coming off for the month, I didn’t think it was a big deal to inform him….(maybe this was bad?), anyhow, In the midst of all this, I was talking to a friend about baby gender and she told me about a ovulation calendar that helps you to raise your chances of gender choice. RM comes from a predominately male family and the joke is that girls are never born to them, or maybe, VERY RARELY, but just about never. It’s also a calendar of prevention and planning….curiosity killed the cat in thinking this was a crock and so I downloaded it and installed it on my comp at home to take a look. To make a long story short, within 2 days of installing, RM found it, he didn’t say anything to me at all about it until 2 days later when things were getting hot and heavy---he then stopped and mentioned putting on a condom….instantly my first reaction was insult and a slap in the face, as half our problems are with a woman that just so happened to be back on the island, to whom he has had s_x with in the past, so I immediately figured it had something to do with that, that maybe he had already been unfaithful, anyhow, he then came out with the fact that he saw this said “Calendar” and was concerned…..I can understand his concern, to a degree, but at the same time, h__l, we are in counseling because I don’t trust him (and this woman)…and if you knew my lifestyle, babies are the last thing that I am thinking about, and that would be if I could even conceive at all!!! So my Question is how am I to handle his “automatic distrust” in me? Especially when I find it more insulting that he is trying to turn tables, on top of everything else that we have been going thru. I am not one of these stupid women who thinks a baby is going to save a relationship….I have walked away before, and can do it again, from a bad relationship, and would never in a million years bring a child into it. I’d abort first. So to think that he thinks this is what I am doing is ludicrous.
So please, I welcome your comments, as we haven’t discussed it, and I don’t know how to bring it up again, and just figured to wait until our next session to say anything, but I am feeling the tension and its p___sing me off. What do you think? (Ps. the woman is here for the next 10 days….hmmm, what convenient timing, dontcha think?)


Jennifer - November 14th, 2005 4:29 PM

Maybe you can explain to him that this calendar can also help to prevent pregnancy. Hasn't he ever heard of the rhythm method? My friend used it after going off bc to make sure she didn't get pregnant for at least a few months, and it worked pretty well.
I'm sorry you two are having trust issues.


D - November 14th, 2005 5:16 PM

You two lack communication. I can completely understand his reaction, most people only worry about ovulation when they are TRYING to get pregnant. Yes, explain the rhythm method and the importance of knowing when you ovulate. But be very aware that it is not 100%, that is how I got pregnant.


kris A. - November 15th, 2005 3:34 PM

From his point of view, it looks bad. You didn't tell him you were going off birth control and you didn't have him use a condom. What other a__sumption would be draw. It is a correct a__sumption that s_x without protection is an invitation to a pregnancy, and a decision to be made by both parties. Whether you were intentionally trying to concieve or not, you had a responsibility to tell him the s_x COULD result in a child. And I am pro-choice, but aborting the possible outcome might not be something he would want - Sorry, I side with him on this one.


HH - November 15th, 2005 9:26 PM

Yep, sorry. I side with him on this one, too. Were you just planning to risk it before he suggested the condom? I wish some teenage boys would have as much sense as your husband. Pregnancy is the natural outcome of unprotected s_x. You know he's not ready. Why is it a slap in the face?
Why is the timing so convenient when it comes to this other woman? Do you still think she's the reson for the condom?


bump - November 17th, 2005 4:55 PM

bump


Hmmm - November 18th, 2005 12:36 AM

I dont know, I mean you two ARE married. Have you not discussed what would happen if you do become pregnant. I got pregnant on birth control...the pill is not 100%. So what would have happened if you two got pregnant on the pill? And why is it suspicious for a married woman to read about an ovulation calendar? You're 28 so I'm asuming hes around your age? This would be different if you were very young and only dating, but come on, you're pregnant and two adults having s_x can lead to pregnancy! You said a baby was the last thing on your mind? Then maybe you two should have worn a condom since day one. And i'm confused, you've been with him 7 years and there is a woman he had s_x with? Did he cheat during the relationship, or was this prior to your 7 years? If its been 7 years, you're probably safe and worrying too much.


Hmm - November 18th, 2005 12:37 AM

Sorry, meant to say "you're married" not "you're pregnant" Dont want to jinx you ;)


hey - November 19th, 2005 2:33 PM

Does look suspcious on your part.


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