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Ok, I am 28, married for 2 years in Dec. (together for 7)… recently I have been quite worried about conceiving a child, (the last year or so) as many in my family have struggled in many forms and fashions. In the past I have come off Birth control and always told RM, but then would choose to go back on. Anyhow, my last period I came off, just to give my body a one month reprieve….knowing my body best, however I decided not to tell RM as we have been having some problems with trust, (mostly me with him) and are presently in counseling to help, and since I know that I was only coming off for the month, I didn’t think it was a big deal to inform him….(maybe this was bad?), anyhow, In the midst of all this, I was talking to a friend about baby gender and she told me about a ovulation calendar that helps you to raise your chances of gender choice. RM comes from a predominately male family and the joke is that girls are never born to them, or maybe, VERY RARELY, but just about never. It’s also a calendar of prevention and planning….curiosity killed the cat in thinking this was a crock and so I downloaded it and installed it on my comp at home to take a look. To make a long story short, within 2 days of installing, RM found it, he didn’t say anything to me at all about it until 2 days later when things were getting hot and heavy---he then stopped and mentioned putting on a condom….instantly my first reaction was insult and a slap in the face, as half our problems are with a woman that just so happened to be back on the island, to whom he has had sex with in the past, so I immediately figured it had something to do with that, that maybe he had already been unfaithful, anyhow, he then came out with the fact that he saw this said “Calendar” and was concerned…..I can understand his concern, to a degree, but at the same time, hell, we are in counseling because I don’t trust him (and this woman)…and if you knew my lifestyle, babies are the last thing that I am thinking about, and that would be if I could even conceive at all!!! So my Question is how am I to handle his “automatic distrust” in me? Especially when I find it more insulting that he is trying to turn tables, on top of everything else that we have been going thru. I am not one of these stupid women who thinks a baby is going to save a relationship….I have walked away before, and can do it again, from a bad relationship, and would never in a million years bring a child into it. I’d abort first. So to think that he thinks this is what I am doing is ludicrous.
So please, I welcome your comments, as we haven’t discussed it, and I don’t know how to bring it up again, and just figured to wait until our next session to say anything, but I am feeling the tension and its pissing me off. What do you think? (Ps. the woman is here for the next 10 days….hmmm, what convenient timing, dontcha think?)
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