Husband Leaving Me Amp 7 1 2 Months Pregnant

6 Replies
pacificnightz - March 30

My husband informed me this weekend that he wants a divorce. He says its not that he doesnt love me or that I've done anything wrong but that he doesn't want a family. Mind you that I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant w/ our SECOND child (first one is 3). This pregnancy was planned, and now he's saying the children our a burden. Then Wednesday he tells me he doesnt know if he really wants a divorce but he hates coming home to me and our son but at the same time is scared of us leaving (which I would go back to CA where I'm originally from and we live in TN now). Today he's out of town and I tried to contact him and he's ignoring his phone calls. I'm very confused and unsure of how to approach this situation. His father says this is a normal reaction for a man that is about to have his life changed by an addition to the family... I'd like to know what everyone else thinks.

 

tracyg - March 31

I think I was about 4 or 5 months when my hubby told me that he wanted a divorce. He said he did not think he could handle it anymore!! We did split up for a couple of months, but we got back together. He said he just got so scared, but then he could not imagine his life without us. I say give him so time to think, and reevaulate his situation. I would also just pray that God will provide the answer for him. Good Luck!! my email address is [email protected] if you want to email me directly.

 

jnine29 - April 9

he just may need some space, the 2nd pregnancy mit be too much for him to handly, may be you and your son should go away from ur husband for a week or 2 just too give you and him some space from each other. i hope it's all o.k in the end :)

 

little_snowball - April 10

my boyfriend freaked out for a while too. he said he wanted me to have an abortion because it would save us both. (we are young) i am very against abortions and he knows that too. he told me he had even thought about killing himself. he said that when i told my mom, he was going to leave for about three months and then come back when he knew he would be ok. he kept calling the baby "that thing inside you" and saying it was tearing us apart. i gave him some time to himself for a while, and he came around. he apologized for being so mean, and even started rubbing my belly. he still isn't completely comfortable with it, but he has done a complete 180. we now playfully argue over whether it will be a boy or a girl, and i always tease him by saying he will be outnumbered forever. i wish you the best of luck and i hope your situation turns out like mine and the other womens' did.

 

LollyM - April 23

I do not have first hand experience with this, but I think that these other gals are right, he will come around. Especially if your relationship was good before this pregnancy. Having a baby changes everyone's life so much and he is probably scared of the changes, but will likely be ok in the end. He might be ignoring his phone because he is doing some thinking, or just trying to take some time for himself which is ok. I agree that giving him some space might be a good idea. It may be hard for you and your son at first but I can almost guarantee that your husband will sit there by himself thinking about you guys and weather you are ok or not. You will probably end up getting a call from him within a few days if you decide to do this. Sometimes I think that men get sympathy hormones! Perhaps it's all they can do to deal with our crazy pregnancy hormones, I'm sure they feel helpless about it which is probably really frustrating. Good luck to the four of you!

 

LollyM - April 23

Also, maybe he is worried about finances. Is his job going alright? Just a thought. I think allot of men stress about money before they have a new baby to provide for. Even if you plan to go back to work in order to help support the family, he might feel guilty that you have to work at all, especially if you would prefer to be a full time mom. again, hope all goes well!

 

faeriebabe - July 28

I understand this is in 2006 and all but I need to put in my option for future readers... How old is this husband? He needs to grow up this is your second child? He is not setting a good example for their son at all, and just showing him when you get scared run away from your problems. Has anyone heard of a vicious cycle before? You do know that a son will repeat everything their father does right? I don't think this is a simple give him space and he will get over it thing. There is deeper issues than just the stress of a new baby. Yes you could just give him space and wait till he comes around but that is not the deep rooted issue, the pregnancy has just brought up in his mind he is not happy and another responsibility as big as a new baby is enough to make him freak out. Most men don't deal with their issues, they are more of a leave it be and let it fester till it becomes to much then have a out burst when us women are speaking of having a date for once. I just don't think you want or any of you want to just "get by" anymore. Wouldn't you love a happy, understanding, loving, open relationship? My husband and I had and still are working on similar problems. It takes two. Don't do what he does and just let it go and fester for later. We discovered a amazing book, that has been helping us with all of our needs and a man and woman. It opened our eyes completely to how ignorant we were and that all the advice from our own parents were horrible advice and it was their way of "getting by". For once in our whole relationship and marriage together we are finally taking steps forward together, instead of stuck at the same pace and slowly going backwards. I can't tell you how many times we were going to split because both of us couldn't take it anymore. You don't need to suffer. You share your life together for a reason, because you make each other happy! Now go read this and be consistent. Keep each other going. So when you do have a new baby or something big happen in your lives that has any stress, it will feel like a speed bump and not a pot hole, and for some a cliff. lol If your interested anyone, it has some great tools for both you and your husband to work with. The author also has a few other books with more helpful tools for your life together. I am no salesman or promoter I am just a fellow pregnant mother of two that feels for all of you. I had no real direction for the dating world, many people don't and are left to figure it out on their own or listen to the advice of a real unhappy couple that has figured out how to "get by". They might seem happy, but they really aren't, they are just tolerating each other. I told my parents about the book but they are to stuck in their ways to think a book could help their problems. All the book is, is the tools, you and your husband need to use together. that means reading it out loud together, maybe just a chapter a night. My husband and I are going to read it again to refresh our memory. "His needs, Her needs" by Willard E. Harley, Jr He also has a website and tons of free advice on there also. I hope this helps any future reader looking for help. I'm sure most stumble on this from Google so I hope that my two cents gets out there! p.s. Oh and yes giving some space is good. but to much can really hurt later. Don't leave a whole day and night without at least saying sorry after a fight. Make sure you talk about it when you both can ASAP, find a compromise. let him talk, express his feelings. He is married to you because at one point he knew if he really needed to he could talk to you. now tell him you need him to tell you why he is unhappy, what he feels is stressing him out, and what can you do to help? Give him time and my worst enemy try NOT to interrupt, give him a good 10-15mins and the same amount of time for you. Its a wonderful practice for our so quite husbands. He might just feel that he isn't able to talk to you because of how you react. OK well I could go on and on but I will stop it at this now. Good Luck everyone! I hope this helps someone! - FB P.S. Please forgive any typos or bad grammar. I just rushed through it as fast as I could. I need to take my Daughter to the park before she explodes! lol

 

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