Is It Hormones Or Mental Illness

13 Replies
brd8808 - January 7

A few months ago I met a girl and we started dating not seriously but we were sleeping together. She seemed real into me, infact she moved a little to fast for me and I wanted to slow things down. Well I got her pregnant and she really is pregnant and I'm almost positive it's mine but now she. Has changed from liking me what I felt was a little too much to absolutely hating me. She can't stand to be in the same room with me or hear my voice. I know a lot of that is hormones and she probably blames me for messing up her party lifestyle so I told her, I was here for her but I can understand she doesn't want to talk to me. that was ok for a while but she is terriable with money and I have to give her some aften just so she can keep up her bills nothing to do with the pregnancy. She uses these contacts to go absolutly rancorous toward me cussing me out for anything, I mean it could be because she doesn't like the shirt I have on. Well I don't know what my question is but I believe shes about 13 weeks. Is this normal behavior for a pregnant woman or could she be mentally ill. Should I be making moves to get custody of the child to protect it from her anger, cause there are times where I believe she would be violent towrds me if I didn't quickly find a way to get away from her. I don't know what to do, I just want to take care of the child but this constant abuse is really started to get to me and make me fear for the unborn? guess I just need to hear from someone who knows about these things It's my first child. Also she refused to go to parental couseling with me so I don't know where to turn.

 

Terio - January 18

Brd, you're in a tough spot. And no... this doesn't just sound like hormones. I was pregnant last year and while there are times that we can be a little emotional -- there's no reason to behave the way she is behaving. Don't let her blame it on the pregnancy - this girl sounds to be a bit unbalanced. I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. I hope things get better or at least you guys can stay civil (that will obviously depend on her, I know) -- Try to stay strong during this and remain calm toward her. You've got a long road ahead with her, so hopefully you can make things as amicable as possible. Good luck.

 

Cat24 - January 19

brd have you ever considered that maybe it is because she doesnt even like (let alone love) you and is having to come to the realisation that she is going to be having a baby with someone who she doesnt want to be with. it sounds like she is literally sick of you hanging around her so maybe it seems these 'touchy' remarks are her way of trying to give you a hint. in my view it is definately not just hormones but then i also wouldnt go to the extreme of saying she must be 'mental'. the best thing you can probably do is let her know you will be there when she needs you but just KEEP YOUR DISTANCE and let her have the time she needs to really think about her future and the baby. she sounds very young also, so i would guess she is probably having to come to terms with being a very young mum which won't help her. she obviously has some deep insecurity issues - hence why she is young sleeping with you almost straight away. i dont know what makes you think it is your child to be honest - i know that sounds harsh but think about the facts here. if she 'puts out' easily enough for you (a guy she wasn't even in a proper relationship with) then why on earth do you think she wouldnt do that with the next joe bloggs that comes along/meets on a night out? her reactions could be a sign of guilt as well. instead of thinking she must be insane - have a long hard think about why she is acting like that, who else has she been with? and does she even want you to be around? questions you wont want to ask yourself but it will be a heck of a lot easier if you find out now rather than years down the line.

 

brd8808 - January 21

To Cat24 no she is not that young 26, but yes I know she doesn't want me around I thought I made that clear. I do keep my distance unless she needs something. But its not about me or the her really it's about and innocent child coming into this world who's going to need a loving mother and a loving father, not uncontrollable and unwarrented rage.

 

Cat24 - February 1

brd you seem to have taken a defensive att_tude about my comment. i still believe she needs space, yes of course the most important thing is the baby, but if you being around stresses her out and makes her have uncontrollable rages do you honestly think that is going to be good for the baby? not one bit. so just try and keep your distance and when she needs you there she will let you know. calling her mental and extra hormonal will not help either of you.

 

brd8808 - February 11

That's what frightens me. I,m not around. I already said that. If she needs something I'm there be besides that I don't talk to her. I am certainly not making her have these rages she just has them, my fear is that the new born will get on the wrong side of her temper, that is where my duty lies.

 

fefer1 - February 11

brd...if you are indeed the father, you need to step up and get some legal help. Make sure that you are prepared to pay child support or take custody. a__suming that it IS your child, you have a lot of rights. If you are concerned about her mental state...do whatever you need to. She COULD be just freaking out because of hormones, totally possible..but it sounds like something more. So you are giving her money still??? I would stop, personally. No one who treats you like that is a good friend and I certainly wouldn't go as far as you have. At 26 she should be a lot more responsible....and now she's pregnant. I don't know what where you live so I can't tell you about the laws that relate, but look into it. Depending on your circ_mstances, you can get legal help pretty inexpensive OR go through your state to file for custody/child support/legal help.

 

brd8808 - February 15

thanks, i have looked into getting full custody which is not something I would like to have to do but feel that I might be forced because of other issues with her living arrangements. She lives with another girl who is a full b__wn alcoholic and her boyfriend who is a drug dealer/addict with a history of domestic violence. It's a big mess, I can only pray for the best and prepare for the worst i suppose. I am blessed to be well off in my fianaces so. With that and the mountain of evidence I have gathered I don't think there is a court that wouldn't agree with me. I would still love for us to be able to work it out without going there though.

 

Cat24 - February 19

brd8808 when the baby is born i think you should get a DNA test before taking the major steps of getting Courts involved etc. it just seems that she is a bit of a loose woman and although you would hate to think she could lie about that, it is very possible you weren't the only one.

 

brd8808 - February 19

already covered that cat24, thanks for your input.

 

brd8808 - April 29

Just an update. Things are still really bad between me and the mother, she's almost 7 months now and crazier than ever. Started bringing up things that I've done that actully never happened, Or conversations that never took place it's really weird and she refuses to seek help. I talk to her about once a month and she calls that harrasment. It does get to me too bad any more I've determined she can't help it. I do get afraid when her friends tell the things she says about the baby like "she's gonna be a rockstar" or" Im gonna be a milf" totally tasteless to me but thats just me. I'm just ready for a paternity test then probably a custody battle. I'm through trying to be a nice guy

 

kalokairi - May 9

im sorry you are going through this brd, clearly she has some kind of imbalance either caused by pregnancy or by discontinuing medication you were not aware of due to pregnancy, im guessing. you know what the right thing to do is. you sound like a stand up guy. hang in there for that baby, he/she is going to need you more than anything.

 

mommamare - June 29

While am no expert, I think most agree that you should get a DNA test ordered and have it taken as soon as the baby is born. You can probably start the court papers for that right now. If the baby is yours, get a motion for change of custody. You will have to have factual grounds for this, but if you have doc_mented this and have other witnesses to her behavior and mental state, you may have a leg to stand on. Do you know any of her family or friends that can attest to her behavior before she was pregnant? That would also help. If she was this way before pregancy, chances are high, this is not due to pregnancy hormones and that also gives you a leg. I have been through a custody battle. We now have my step-sons, but it was very long and hard and painful and alot of mud will be slung (whether it is true or not). Hard evidence of her being a threat to the baby is the key, otherwise, they will not change custody. Once you gain custody, you can work on trying to be civil for the baby's sake, but also, tread lightly in the case you do not win custody, make sure you know your visitation rights and that it is in court papers so that she can not try to keep you from your baby. The court strictly abides by the court ruled visitation, so make sure you are clear in what you want for visitation and legal/healthcare matters. Best of luck to you! Please keep us updated.

 

brd8808 - July 10

babies due today but looks like she's gonna be late. Just wanted to say that the mother is acting much better now, we can have a conversation, without any snide remarks or accusations. Think things are going to work out okay. The people that were around her that i was worried about have moved on since I made it clear i didn't want them around my daughter. All in all I don't think that me and the mother will ever be much of friends but, atleast now things are civil and I feel that we can share custody safely. and Yes I'm still getting a paternity test, even though I'm 99% sure it is mine. Anyone out there in a similar situation as I was please just be patient and leave the girl be, it might not turn out how you want it but it's a heck of a lot better than fighting, or creating regrets. Thanks B

 

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