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nysingledad - April 7th, 2008 10:16 AM

I met my fiance in the beginning of October of 2007. Right after Christmas her and her 4 year old son moved in with me. Everything was going great. She would tell me how much she loved me and wanted to marry me. How this was the happiest she had ever been with any one. She was worried I would leave her because she had horrible mood swings and had been on medication for them. She asked me to promise never to leave her because of them and I did promise not to. Than the first week of January we found out she was pregnant. We were both so happy because this is what we had wanted plus we were engaged at this point. Things went great right up till she started getting sick. She was sick all the time. Than around the first week of Feb. she started to get distance. She stopped wanting to be around me and she stopped talking to me. Everything I did or said was wrong. In the middle of Feb. she got so angry she moved out and in with her sister. Now she tells me she doesn't love me and that I revolted her because I was around so much. She tells me I betrayed her by being around so much. I have tried apologizing, I have tried reminding her about how amazing the first few months were and how much I love her and her son and our unborn child. I have told her that I want to be there to support her, her son and our child, but none of it seems to make a difference. She gave back the ring told me we will never get back together and were not friends. She doesn't want me to go to any appointments or be there for the birth of our child even though its what I want. She told me that my wants and needs are no concern of hers. I have been sending her checks and told her ift here is anything she needs to let me know. She won't talk to me unless its over text. She is angry at me because she has no place of her own and I haven't help her at all even though I have sent her money and offered to help. I don't know what more to do. I want to be part of all there lives. I want the family that both her and I wanted. She has 2 sisters that are on medication 1 for bi-polar and the other for depression. She was also on medication for depression but went off it when she met me. She is 16 weeks now and isn't talking to me at all. By the way she is 24 and I am 35. Also she left her sons father because he wouldn't take any responsibility for her or their child and 3 months before she gave birth he had met someone else got engaged and got his new fiance pregnant. Plus her parents divorced when she was 8 and her mother was an alcholic and a drug addict. So she has pretty much raised herself. I have no Idea what I should be doing. I want to be part of her life and I want to be there for all the experience of the pregnancy and birth of my child but she won't let me. I just don't want to lose her or the family we were starting.


kalokairi - April 9th, 2008 11:31 PM

wow, thats really heavy. first of all im sorry you are going through this. second, the impression i get when reading this, and i may be wrong, is that its possible that coming off of her medication combine with pregnancy is too much for her and it almost sounds as if she is blaming you for her situation. she is suddenly sick and a bit unstable w/o her meds and she wouldnt be either if you hadnt knocked her up...you follow? im not saying this is the case, nor am i saying its rational but then again she is not thinking rationally and i can see her mind going in that direction. i hope that once she has this baby she comes back to her senses and is the lively, engaging woman you knew before. mental illness sometimes cannot be controled. keep doing what you are doing, give her the space, offer her support, on her terms, text, whatever it may be, just dont drop off the face of the earth, which i cant see you doing, and she may very well come around. mental disorders tend to wax and wane and are very often affected by pregnancy and definitely are affected by coming off meds. hang in there!


nysingledad - April 29th, 2008 12:14 PM

Well it has been almost a month and things haven't gotten any better. I sent her a letter telling her I was here to support her and help with anything related to the pregnancy. I told her I didn't want her to go through this alone and that if there was anything she needed to let me know. I also sent her some money to help with things. All the letter did was make her angrier. She text me to tell me that she didn't need anything from me and then I didn't here anything more from her for over 3 weeks. Than out of the blue she text me and tells me though she doesn't love me anymore something has to happen because she can't do it on her own financially. She wants me to get her an apartment and pay the rent, but she doesn't want to see me or be with me. Than a couple days later she tells me that if there is going to be a chance for us to be a family I have to quit my job and sell my house. I ask her if we can sit down and talk about things and she tells me not till I do what she asks. Its all or nothing at all. Now I want us to be a family but I am tired of her setting conditions and not be willing to meet in person to talk. I want to be a family but quitting my job and selling my house isn't in the best interest for our child and I don't know why she doesn't see that. I don't what to do any more.


brd8808 - April 29th, 2008 3:58 PM

dude don't be a fool. DO Not give in to any of her demands until the child is born. SOunds like she's just trying to suck you dry for her own selfish reasons. YOu need to protect yourself because you may be the only capable of taking care of the kid


ttempest - September 9th, 2009 3:42 AM

Me and my wife dated for 3 months and then she broke up with me only to come back a month later and a month after that we got married. She used to tell me she loved me everyday and she was excited when I was coming home and when I would leave she would watch me leave and say goodbye, we were very romantically involved and we were so happy when we we found out she was pregnant and then she had to go off of her Paxil for the baby and things went down hill so fast it's like I didn't know what had hit me... She stopped sleeping in the same bed, no more kissing or cuddling me, had no desire for sex eventually, she stopped telling me she loves me and then eventually told me she doesn't know if she ever loved me. She is due in less than 2 months and I'm thinking it might be the hormones and medication change during pregnancy but I've almost lost all hope as she has been talking divorce for a while now and plans to sign papers a month after the baby is born. I just keep being there for her and paying the bills and being there for her whenever I can now that she asked me to seperate from her. I love her more than anyone and I just don't want her to leave me. I just hope she will love me again after the baby is born so we can have a family like we wanted in the beginning..


mrfaosfx - March 3rd, 2010 6:28 AM

I have read so many threads on here and they are all exactly like my story. Me and my ex loved each other to death, like you ttempest, she used to text me to check if I got to work ok, we would kiss and say I love you to each other every morning, I would hold her, it was beautiful, we were madly in love and always talked out our problems.

When she got pregnant, it was the same story you guys described; became distant, stopped saying I love you and soon, got the idea to move out.

Do you know how much it sucks when the person you used to sleep with and hold every night leaves you for no reason at all? And then you see her packing and finally, shes gone and for the first night, you find it hard to believe that she is no longer on the other side of the bed and you start to ask yourself, what happened?

I used to be a very financially stable man. I owned my own house, had my own car, had lots of money in the bank and we always lived a good life. The thing is when I met this girl, I started spending loads of money, we would spend at least $300 a night on chuck e. cheeses, soon my savings just suddenly went sour and then I got transferred to another shift at work.

Her being alone for 10 hours a week with out my being present, me not being able to take her out eventually started to affect her. One night I came from work and she pushed me away when I tried to hold her and I decided to stop sleeping with her. This went on for 3 full days in which, I started to ignore her and dedicated no time to her, she didn't wanted to be with me so I figured maybe that is what she wants, to be left alone. I would wake up in the mornings and go out to a friends house to play some games, come back, take a bath and leave for work, at night, I didn't even go up to the room to see her, it was like this for 3 days until when day I told her to come pick me up at work. On the fourth night, I went up to ask what the hell was going on..she said she wanted to move out but to not break up with her, I stopped talking to her when she said that.

Anyway man, when she moved out, I used to go see her but eventually on a phone conversation, I told her I wanted to spend some time with her because I had a small vacation from work...she said she had more important things to do....know what it feels like when the one you think loves you tells you shes got more important things to do than to be spending time with you? That is messed up man, I hung up on her and never called her again, never visited her again.

3 weeks later I see her, not doing to well, it was as if she didn't even know me. I was in my car, she was with her friend.

Several months went by and finally, two months before the scheduled due date, I decided to call to check up on her. Her mother contacted me, told me she had moved and gave me her new phone but to not say that it was her...her mother is the sweetest person and she says she doesn't understand why her daughter is being this way with me and that she wanted me to be there for the baby, no matter what happens. Well, eventually I called her and I got the following, "leave me alone already! get the fuck out my life! this baby is not yours! just leave me the fuck alone!" and bam she hung up.....the first thing I asked myself is ..... what the hell.....what did I do to her???? And why is she talking to me this way and is suddenly telling me i'm not the father of the baby!? I never called back but her mother always kept in contact with me.

The baby was born and soon I found out she was the only one who signed the birth certificate. I never knew about the birth of my son, was never there to see him, was never allowed to doctor visits, I never got to hold her belly, all of the gifts I bought for my son I gave away when she told me the baby wasn't mine. She would leave the baby at her mother's and I would go see the one which was supposed to be my son, I Held him for the first time and cried that night.

Eventually she contacted me and see if I came near her son and kept going to her mothers house or even saw my car around her mother's place, that she would call the cops on me and put a PFA on me. What the hell is her problem?!!? I eventually cut off all communication with her mother, friends that talked to her and also stopped checking her myspace.

Its been 3 months and I have no idea how or what she is doing but I will never forget how she torn my heart apart, made me believe something that isn't true, to this day almost a year now.....I have not been able to move on and the day she broke up with me, it only took her a couple of weeks to find another love were as I have only been hurting for her loss and for the loss of my son.

I have been saving up money like crazy so prepare myself for a court battle.

The last news I got from her mother was that she was planning to move to another country. She said this was unprecedented and that if she was going this far with things, something was not right, that she was planning something.

My guess is she thinks I was with another girl some how when she left my house, that or something I don't know. But, it is clear that she is doing everything in her power to stop me from seeing my son.

I'm sorry I hi-jacked your thread but as you can see, our stories are very much the same just like everyone else around here.

So my best advice to you is....fuck the mother, worry about the baby, she can't scare and you have every right to see your son. Save money, go to court, explain everything to the lawyer or judge. The more things she does to avoid you, the more she is sinking her self! If she moves to never be found again and some how the court manages to get a DNA out and the baby turns out being yours.....she will be in a lot of trouble....so much trouble that she may loose custody of her child altogether since this will be considered kid-napping. Just make sure you have a stable job and a hefty sum saved up. You want to make sure you are in a better financial position then her with a stable place to live also....when the judge compares the facts with this observation, she will be sorry for all the bullshit shes done to you.

I will never believe in a woman again. Some women just want to get pregnant so they can collect taxes, government support and money.....money is the scary part....if you the father, take no action, a couple of years later she can sue you for backed support! In this case, you have no choice but to pay up or be jailed.....just so you see how fucked up people are, women have done this to many men already and most of the time, sometime the bad guy in all of this is the women herself.

Don't expect her to come running back to you when the baby is born either, her hormones will still be raging and she wont come to her senses not for another year after the baby's birth, cuz now she has to wake up in the middle of the night to calm down a crying baby and she will use that as an excuse to hate or dislike you even more.

Go out, live your life....keep in mind that you are fighting a war and that while you both aren't together anymore, you will be off in the distance loading your weapon with ammo so that when the day comes, you can fire off your rounds.....do nothing and it is her that will triumph over you.


rcf - July 10th, 2010 4:22 PM

Wow this now happening to me her things are still at my home but she's looking for an apartment. She has a 14 year old daughter that father pays support. I love her and don't want to think of her in a negative light. But we had one argument and she went off I went off. Next day took some things and left. WOW. She doesn't want to see me til janauary 2011 when the baby is due. What rights do I have what can I do. I want to be a father not a baby daddy.


rcf - July 10th, 2010 4:24 PM

owe she has changed her number because she says I called to much and she'll update on the how the baby is doing. Do i have any legal rights past 4 months most states won't abort past twenty. Oh yean I was threatened with that one also. what to ddo?


Dadagain - January 10th, 2011 4:41 PM

I'm not sure if any of you check this anymore... But how did things turn out. I'm working on 6 months with not knowing if my pregnant fiance loves me anymore. We've got 8 weeks left until the baby comes, and she barely acknowledges me.


ttempest - January 11th, 2011 3:56 AM

I remember feeling many of the same feelings that most of you have described. I think that naturally a child being born helps the relationship. However in my case my soon to be ex-wife didn't even love me before I got her pregnant, it happened to be infatuation. I got us into over a years worth of marriage counseling and I'm still glad I went and it's helped me learn and realize I didn't do anyhting wrong. My wife has some phsychological problems that the counselor helped me understand better and I don't blame her for her issues. I just feel like if you had a strong relationship before yo uguys got married or got her pregnant and she loved you for over a year and you felt it from her that you should be ok if yo uhang in there and focus on your child, and she'll come around. The hormones sure didn't help my marriage either... she was alot nicer after he was born, but she just never loved me to begin with.


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