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Texan_1386 - May 4th, 2008 8:35 PM

I am a 22 year old guy who after only a few months of dating my first ever girlfriend got her Pregnant. Now I love this woman more then anything and I know she will be a good mother. But my problem is She left me. I started dating her in August of 07 after a rocky start with a kinda of love triangle thing. But I won her affections and we began to date. I gave up my Virginity to her, because I was waiting for the person that I fell in love with. I don't regert that for a minute. We moved in together in October and we were very happy. She found out that her grandfather died in December and had to go to his funeral in Germany.( She's German and is a permant resident here and working on her citzenship) While she was there we talked on the Webcam every day because we missed each other so much. She told me via webcam that she took a Pregnancy test and that she was pregnant. I was scared at first but I quickly became excited. She came bacl and it was good for about a week. Then Christmas came and I got sympothy sickness and was just in a bad way but I still went out to eat with her even though I was sick. It slowly startded to decline when I lost my full time job on new years day. I spent a good month looking for another job and I finally found one. She ended up taking on a second job to keep things up. In that month she stopped completely saying that she loved me. My birthday was on the 13th of January and she treated my like c__p all day. Her best friend from germany came to live with us towards the end of Febuary. He's an ok guy. But for 3 days at the begining of March it was back to the way it was. and we where happy. But then she just turned on a dime. We had been sleeping in the same bed since we moved in accept for a week or so in January. We were in the bed but she never talked to me or cuddeld or anything. We found out that we're having a boy, and she got more depressed cause she wanted a girl. I got hurt at work on the 17th of March and was taking out of work and my foot put in a cast. I was on workmans comp so money got tight. On the 30th she had a Nervous Breakdown and said " I can't get any sleep, The baby's kicking me, your kicking me and Taffy keeps waking me up!" (Taffy is the 13 week old puppy that her and I got at the begining of March to "practice" and try to make it better between us.) So After she said that I tried to be nice and took me and Taffy and slept on the counch. Never heard Thank you. After that she said that she needed to move out and be on her own so that I can Grow up and learn to be independent. So she broke up with me and Moved out. I am trying to keep our place in case shes just hormonal and wants to move back in. She claims that she no longer has any feelings at all for me and that she wants me in our kids life but not in hers. She is also trying to make me pay her $1500 dollars on bills that she paid. Now when we were still together she made a list of this money and ask me to sign it to show that I would pay it. Well I did because we were together and I thought it would not be a big deal. I made her a promise when we went to the OB/GYN the first time that I would pay the Co-pay every month which is $91 but now even though im still paying it she refuses to let me go with her. She also from what I have heard but dont know for sure is that she is dating someone else. I Love her still more then anything but I am so afarid that she will make us have to go to court because she wont sit down and talk to me over our sons future. And everyone is telling me to get a Perternatiy test, I am 99.9% sure that its my kid. But Ive also thought she maybe is acting this way out of guilt. Is this possibly hormones(Fingers crossed) or am I just hopeing against hope? Oh and She still is legally married and says she's getting a divorce but she's been saying that since ive known her. She says she wont do it until she has her new visa. She also dosen't want to give our son my last name. And every name I come up with she just shoots down with out even thinking about it. I just want to do the right thing and I would love to be back together with her but if nothing else I want to be on good terms with her for the sake of our son. I dont hate her and I never will. Please advise me on what I can do. I also want to get her something for mother's day but I don't know if thats a good Idea? (sorry for the long post) ?


llukenjess - May 6th, 2008 1:52 PM

oh man...this is a sticky situation...first off i'm soo sorry that she is acting like this. how long did u know her before u all started dating? i would just get her some nice flowers for mothers day....as far as you paying the co pay if she isn't letting you go to the doctors office then i wouldnt pay! also...i am wondering if she doesn't want u to come to the doc appointments cuz she has an STD? get checked just incase....i also would advise the paternity test even if you're 99.9 sure...also whats up with her "best friend" is he still in the US? if so where is he? i would try and find out if they're seeing each other. try not to stress.....just take it easy and remember girls need their space...we love our space. give her some space, but still call her to see how she is doing ask about your son and just take it nice and slow. if you rish or try to do too much there is potential for things to b__w up. hope this helps.


Texan_1386 - May 6th, 2008 6:35 PM

Thanks for the post. I met her on May 20th of 2007, I'm getting her a card but flowers maybe pushing it, she would toward the end say that I was too romantic. I have thought about not paying the bill but Ive decided to keep doing it and keep the recipets for the money orders just in case we have to go to court. And I know she has an STD, I don't know if she knows that I know, but I know she does. I don't really care though would still be with to the end of time. If it still is bad by the birth I am going to get a paternity test but I hope i dont have to. Her friend is back in Germany but he's coming back on the 13th of May. I know that they had a One Night Stand like 5 years ago and they both asure me that there is nothing. ( besides he is seeing a good friend of mine so I doubt that there together.) I am trying to just keep it together and be there for her. But Im heart broken and just depressed. Im not letting her on to it though. My 2 biggest concern are that one she won't call me when she goes into labor and I'll just get a call one day saying oh your son was born the last week. And my second is that I have seen her with another guy that we both know. But every time I see them together they arn't doing anything and I am still friends with our neighbor who hangs out with her sometimes and she says that everytime she has seen them together that they are not doing anything. So I hope that it goes well and I'm not to late.


llukenjess - May 7th, 2008 9:49 AM

your welcome....Ok a card sounds good....and keeping the recieps is a good idea too. but lemme get this straight...you KNOW she has an STD but she doesnt know u know? Well what does she have? i wold get tested anyway cuz there are ALOT of STD's that don't show any symptoms or signs, and you being a virgin dont want to end up having something u cant get rid of especially if she is not willing ot be with you at this time.......has she said that she's not going to callyou when your son is born? how far along is she?


Texan_1386 - May 7th, 2008 5:52 PM

She has Genital warts and I don't know if she knows that I do. She never came right out and told me so. She said when I asked about being there for the birth right after we broke up that it depends on "how I act". She is now 7 months. she's due between the 5th and 11th of August.


llukenjess - May 8th, 2008 11:36 AM

not saying that genital warts is OK to have but they can be cured....were they visable? I mean if they're visable then she has to know that you know....Well there is 2 more months for you to still try and get everything on an OK level....because it seems to me that she doesn't want to be with you at the moment. But living in the great country that we live in there are many rights when that child is born that you are eligable for. the onnly thing i can say (and i'm sorry if it doesn't help) but just give her the space she needs but keep the balance of letting her know that you're there for her if she needs you! and you are there to support and love your son. thats realy all you can do if she's not cooperating.


kalokairi - May 9th, 2008 10:53 PM

there is no cure for genital warts. once you are infected you ALWAYS have it and can pa__s it on to anyone at any time. outbreaks make it much easier to pa__s it on. the warts can be removed, the hpv cannot.


Texan_1386 - May 10th, 2008 12:16 AM

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! She's driving me Insane. I got her a mother's day card that was very calm and not lovey dovey at all. And she calls me and is b___hiy she dosen't even mention the card and I also got her a bracelt wich she said she wont wear. I am so close to just cracking!!! I need HELP!!!!


Teddyfinch - May 18th, 2008 1:19 PM

she sounds hormonal to me. i've never heard of a woman complaining of her man being too romantic. she sounds hormonal and not ready for this type of commitment. now this may sound harsh, but if she won't allow you to be there for your own son, then you shouldn't have to be there for her financially. at this point she's using you and needs a wake up call. it sounds horrible, but some women take their pregnancies to their heads and expect people to bow down to them as if they're the first woman to have a baby. if she wants her space, give it to her and don't help her with anything. she obviously acts like she doesn't need it and you're just feeding into whatever is going through her mind. trust me. as a woman, i know that we can read men like books and we can be guilty of using that to our advantage. what i'm saying is she knows you're hurting for her and is possibly using you to her advantage. **kalo** actually hpv can go away on its own. you read and hear about it everywhere in regards to those gardasil commercials. you're thinking of herpes.


ann73 - May 21st, 2008 12:21 AM

the last guy that left cards and notes on my car and remarked on whether or not i was at home or work b/c my car wasnt where it usually is actually WAS a stalker. it's creepy. especially if she is telling you to leave her alone. even if she is playing the 'go away, where are you going game' you cant play along. and why would you get her a bracelet? it shows emotion which she clearly doesnt want to see at this point in time. let it go and when she has the baby take her to court. her car might stand out but asking about it is stalkerish. drop it & go the legal route unless and until she comes around.


Texan_1386 - May 21st, 2008 12:01 PM

Oh I completly forgot. Yesterday when the cops came and all was our one year aniversary of the day we met. We met on may 20th 2007 and I really don't think that she remembers this but it's all like salt to the wound you know.


Texan_1386 - June 13th, 2008 9:01 PM

Ok, It's update time. I'm done with it. Completely done with her BS! I have done alot of thinking, and I have decided that it's not worth the heartache. I still Love her and I think I always will, but I do not like her. I am going to do everything to get full custody of my kid, and I will be the best d__n father possible. The gloves our off, and I'm ready to rumble!


Texan_1386 - June 21st, 2008 11:21 AM

Now I am so lost. She called me last week to meet up and I didn't go, she called and asked why and I told her that I was working. I just didn't feel right about it, I know I should have told her that but I didn't. She told me her boyfriend was there waiting in the car cause it was none of his business. I don't want to have to do anything rash, and I still do Love her but I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know if I should wait for her if I should just go for sole custody or what. I was told something by the cop I went to talk to (I was worried about being set up and went to find out about it) He told me to follow my gut. It made me think cause my gut and heart tell me that she will come around, but my brain says she probably won't. I have so many people tell me don't let your heart cloud your judgement. But then people always say follow your heart and go with your gut (contridict much?) I am supposed to meet up with her tommorow and am trying to figure out what to do. My idea is to try to make her regret leaving me, With some new clothes that I got, a better body (I been working out), and just a better me. I'm just worried that I'll be me again, what i mean is I am a very pa__sive person and I can say oh what a b___h and I never want to see you again and blah blah and then when I'm around her I am like " It's ok I'll be there for you" Cause thats how I feel. I love her. But all my friends are telling me to just let her go cause shes going to take the baby and I'll never see him and all this. My mom and dad both think that I'm a fool for trying to be nice about this since shes being so mean about it. I know that if I where at some point let her back into my life that I would lose some friends and that my parents would be p__sed at me for a good long while. But I'm also worried that If i say F*^k it! and I end up getting sole custody of my son and she gets deported, That maybe she was telling the truth and wants me to be there. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love her so much, but She may be to far gone for me to keep reaching out for. Any advice on what I should do?


mrfaosfx - May 29th, 2009 5:51 AM

Wait a minute, wait a minute...her what? Her boyfriend? You are going through all this emotional train wreck and already she has a boyfriend? Wow.

All I can say is give her time and space, completely ignore her, be strong...don't pick up that phone, no contact what so ever with her, it only brings more pain, trust on me this!

When girls get pregnant they have a tendency to end the relationship. I've noticed this now...however, what is their reaction after the baby is born, how do they react. I have not seen any of that yet here but keep your eyes opened.

Me and my ex got into a huge fight over the phone yesterday. Man, I called her every single bad word in the book, she even threatened me, saying I wouldn't see my child when it was born and that she can be a big b*tch!

We later met up and talked and its like it never happened. I couldn't believe it myself...and I need to stop coming in contact with my ex...we have to work on this! Not for us but for the sake of having not just a baby in the end but a family with the women you love!


camron6475 - July 9th, 2009 6:35 PM

So what happened? This is VERY interesting - i am going through the same exact thing now. Did you guys get back together? Is she still with her boyfriend? Did things change when she had the baby? What is the STATUS!!!! Did you get full custody????


Texan_1386 - August 7th, 2009 1:17 PM

OK so I haven't been on here in a while. This is what happened. My son was born on August 7th, 2008. Yup one year ago today. Things started to get better before the birth. She broke up with her boyfriend, and her and I started talking again. We were talking about the normal stuff, names, circ_mcision , etc. I talked to her on the 6th of august 2008 and she said she would call me tomorrow after her doctor's appointment.
Next day i heard nothing, so I called and she didn't answer. Still nothing the next day. So I called her a few more times. Nothing. on the 9th I called and called. She finally picked up very groggy around 9pm that night. She said that I was now an official father. I heard my son cry for the first time. He was 8lbs 15 ounces. His name was Patrick Oscar. Now for the messed up part, He was born on the 7th. I was not told by anyone that she was there. She claimed it was because she was rushed through the appointment into forced labor. Yet she had time to call her best friend and get her to the hospital. I found out he was born 2 days later. Then she put on the birth certificate UNKNOWN for the father like I was just some guy who she had a one night stand with or like I raped her or something. I would call her once a day to make she was OK and that my son was OK. She didn't let me see him for 2 weeks.(She said something about his immune system was week so he couldn't be around "new" people. I finally got to see him and hold him. and I knew with out a shadow of a doubt I was his father. I got to see him off an on over the next few weeks. On September 7th his one month mark, we met and talked and everything was fine. Her parents where going back to Germany the next day and I wished them farewell. She said she would call me in a few days so we could meet up again. About 10am the next morning, I got a phone call from someone who worked with her. She said "You need to know that Vroni(my-Ex) just boarded a plane to Germany with your son." I was speechless, I ran and drove to the airport to find her car there. I could not find her anywhere. I tried calling her and Nobody answered. When I finally got someone to pick up, it was a guy saying that she had given him her phone to have and use has his. They only way I knew to try and contact her was via her Myspace. SO I emailed it a lot. I got a response from her on the 12th, 4 days later that said and I quote.
"Hey,

I am sorry but i had to make that descition so quick, we are very good, better then in niceville. Please dont worry, I will contact you."

She never has contacted me. I sent her a few emails trying to coax her into telling me where she was and why she did this. But she never answers back. I get random emails from people who update me a little, Like "they are fine if you don't hear from them they are fine. Stop worrying."

I was on yahoo IM one night and she popped on. I tried to talk with her and all she said was "I'm Sorry." and then she signed off. I still don't understand why she said this. I got an email about 5 months ago saying the he is crawling and has 2 small teeth. and stop worrying they are fine the usual. But like I told they emailer I will NEVER stop worrying because they are family. He's my son, and No matter how mean and b___hy she is to me I still worry about her she is my Son's mother after all.
I send a couple of emails on special occasions like Christmas Mother's day her birthday things like that. But I have not been sending crazy emails. I am living in Dallas now and not in Florida where this happened. I have my own house and am doing well. But I still I wish I had my son. If you have any more questions please ask. and I will happily update you as much as I can. Thank you all for your support.


mrfaosfx - August 7th, 2009 1:40 PM

Well, it sounds like she definitely moved on with her life. The toughest part is she does all these crazy things and she put UNKNOWN? Could you have atleast asked for a DNA test to claim the baby was yours? And I don't know why she is doing this, maybe she is being overly protective of her new son but its your son too, its down right horrible when the mother decides to distant herself so much that its hard to get to see your son.

My instincts tell me she moved far away from you to probably start a new life, with "someone" else. Who knows.

We all know that hormones play a big factor in the way a woman feels during pregnancy and now that she is not pregnant, the hormone levels are dropping and everything is changing again, so this is just another stage she is going through. The hardest of them all is just beginning, she has post-partum depression to deal with now and you being the father, not being there to help her, its going to be even tougher for her.

Oh yeah, when they put UNKNOWN on the birth certificate, that means you weren't at the hospital when the baby was born. BUT BE VERY CAREFUL with this, as she can file for child support and request a DNA test from you and you'll have the bad end of the stick, judging from her recent actions, I wouldn't be surprised if she has an evil master plan moving about as we speak.

You need to start talking to her, face to face...not to say hi or see the baby but how you are going to go about your lives with this child because, shes doing a lot of questionable things.


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