My Wife Is Driving Me Mad Arrrghhh

38 Replies
martin - October 5

My wife is 11 weeks preg with our first baby.Dont get me wrong im overjoyed but she is acting like she is on her death bed!! I have to do everything around the house she wont even hoover. She says she doesnt want to risk anything by being too strenuous she is always moaning that she feels tired and she just lazes on the sofa all the time saying she needs to take it easy. She wouldnt even lift a saucepan with boiled potatoes in it the other day saying it was too heavy for her. I do everything!!! Is this normal for woman to be like this and am i being harsh by getting annoyed by all this? I dont know whehter i SHOULD do everything coz my wife is pregnant. I want honesty please if im being a bad husband please say but right now if she tells me she needs to take it easy one more time i think i will scream, i didnt think pregnancy was SUCH a fragile thing.

 

martin - October 5

Anyone got any advice please??

 

kr - October 5

Hi Martin, Don't worry, this could just be the first trimester tiredness.I would get up at 7am and then need a nap by 9am. It didn't matter if I wanted to be up or not I just kept falling alseep. On the way to our first baby shopping spree I fell alseep in the car. I had been excited, but it didn't matter.I was only able to do one or two chores a day. The laundry made me sweat and doing the dishes was exhausting. Everything got better by the 15th week.I still needed extra sleep, but I was less exhausted. If I were you I would pick what things were most important to have done around the house. Talk with your wife and ask her how you both can get these things done in the day. She might be able to cook dinner and do dishes if you take on the shopping. Similarily she might be able to stay awake when you are home if you tell her it's ok to sleep when you are gone. You aren't a bad husband if you are confused. Just realize she is confused about all the changes also (hormones!). She is not trying to trick you or lie to you.She wants you to think she is a good wife too. Be there and accept the chaos for a few months. Visit the doctor with her and you can both express your concerns together. That way the doctor can tell you both what is normal and what may require special work. good job reaching out!

 

TCM - October 6

You are being unfair ... the first trimester is hard and most women feel incredibly tired even if they do nothing. She doesn't know it yet but in 3 or 4 weeks she will have all her energy back and feel fantastic and be able to do all those things she cant now. Be more supportive and help her do everything now .. it is only a few more weeks and she will really appreciate it and you will benefit from it for being a "good husband" when she needed you. It is a few more weeks of sacrafice from you for your child - and it definitely will get better!!

 

Jbear - October 6

There are really two issues here, your wife's fatigue, which is very common during the first trimester and can only be cured by rest, and her fear of doing anything too strenuous and harming the baby. I'm a__suming it's the second issue that's bothering you the most. Have you two been trying to get pregnant a long time, or suffered a miscarriage before? That could make her worry about doing anything to harm the baby, but otherwise it sounds like she's worrying a little too much. Of course, the more she worries and says she has to take it easy, the more YOU end up worrying about her and the baby, which might be why it's stressing you out so much. You should go to your wife's next doctor's appointment with her, and either you or she should ask the doctor what it's safe for her to do. Her doctor will know if there are any reasons for her to be so careful, and if there aren't, he will be able to rea__sure her. Of course, if he says she can keep doing all her usual housework, etc., but she still feels too tired, then it will be time for you to be understanding. Maybe on the nights she's too tired to cook you can get take out, and if a day goes by without the house getting vacuumed, there's no real harm done. It's not until after you have kids that the house really gets messy, after all.

 

oh please - October 6

Here we go again with the pregnant women wanting to be waited on hand and foot like they are friggin princesses! STOP IT!!! You are giving women a bad name!!!!! I really can't stand it. Women today are so full of friggin mush it's disgusting!!!!!! So friggin what is she is tired?? There are things that need to be done. The world does not stop because she is pregnant. Sorry. Our grandparents worked in the field their ent_tre pregnancy, stopped, plopped out the kid and moved on. Why do you chose to be so gosh d__n lazy????? I really hate women this day and age. Oh, before you all bash me, I am a woman, I have had a baby who would not stop crying until he was held, and am pregnant now. I manage just fine to get everything done. I am not super woman, but i am a woman who takes pride in the things I am responsible for. Like taking care of children, my husband and myself. I do not expect to be catered to because I am pregnant like most of the women on this board do. Martin, you are doing too much. She can certianly lift a pot of potatoes. Go to the doctor together and discuss with him/her what she can and cannot do. If they say she can do certain things, she needs to get over it and do it. If they tell her to lay on her b___t all day (with nothing wrong) then continue. I don't blame you one bit and I think you are being taken advantage of. Call me old fashioned, call me whatever you wish, I really despise the mushy women of today...

 

SSSKOM - October 6

OH PLEASE I THINK U MIGHT BE RIGHT HERE.I AM ALSO A WOMAN PRGGO WITH TWINS AND I AM AT THIS STAGE 7 MONTHS.I DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN AND I AM STILL WORKING.YOUR WIFE SHOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BUT I THINK SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.NEXT THING SHE WILL BE ASKING YOU TO BATH AND DRESS HER.FOR HEAVEN SAKE SHE IS PREGGO NOT SICK OR DISABLED.UNLESS IF OTHERWISE SPECIFIED BY A DR THAT SHE SHOULD SIT ON HER BUTT THE WHOLE DAY THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE HER ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND I BET SHE WILL STAND UP TO MAKE HERSELF FOOD TO EAT

 

kris A. - October 6

Oh please a__sumes too much. Jbear is right, there are two issues. I also was very tired in the first trimester. I also suffered a m/c before my current pregnancy and COULD NOT lift a pot of potatoes, I was on bed rest for the 13-16 week of our pregnancy to protect our baby and control bleeding. It worked and I am now 33 weeks. Martin, I am sorry for the negative posts on here, and there is nothing wrong with you being frustrated at these new changes. Please remember they are temporary and her energy level will return after the first trimester. To put it in perspective, imagine the worst stomache flu you ever had, where you physically had nothing to give even when you wanted to, where everything made you sick to your stomach whether you puked or not, and you just wanted to curl up and make the bad feeling go away.. the first trimester is like that. Some have different levels of tolerance, like oh please, and can handle the sickness and others, like your wife, cant. It doesn't make one a superhero, and the other a 'lazy, mushy woman'. In the darkest days, please remember that this pregnancy is but a blink of an eye in the span of your life, and ends with your child being born. The way you treat your wife during this difficult time will forever influence the way she views you. I wish you and your new family the best.

 

p.s. - October 6

I am also working full time, then coming home and caring for three kids, 5 horses, 4 dogs, cleaning stalls and doing ranch cleanup as well as doing the housework - and feeling fine now, so the bad days will pa__s and she wont be so miserable for the whole pregnancy. Hang in there - kris A.

 

To Maria - October 6

You sound like a total a__s, and I hope your not pregnant treating your husband like a slave. Pregnancy does not make you an invalid. Unless the doc said that she is on bedrest and needs to take it easy, then she needs to get off her a__s and help out. Just because she's pregnant she does not need to be waited on hand and foot, and that goes for you to Martin, when she's not pregnant, I hope that you help out with the house work all the time. Anyways, I agree with Jbear and Oh Please.....they both have great points.

 

luianna - October 6

Ive had 3 kids and i did not expect my husband to do everything just because i was pregnant. To everyone being negative to martin here you are ent_tled to your opinionm but maria you are totally out of order!! Pregnant women seem to use their condition as an excuse to be lazy and to me it sounds like martin your wife is doing the same thing. Yeah she needs to take it easy but not the whole frigging day for christs sake!! Lifting a pot of potatoes for the majority of pregnant women is not an issue she is just making a fuss and wants attention most likely. Done be taken for a ride, she is just pregnant she isnt on her death bed!!

 

Jennifer - October 6

Pregnacy doesnt mean you get any time off.. this is my 4th. I am 9 weeks I have to chop wood to keep the house warm, changing the engine in my truck to have a veichle. (my bf wont do it, so i have too) Its almost in..yeaaaaa.., working full time. make suppers, clean house and lunches, drive my bf to work cause he wont hitch hike, but make me hitch hike (cause i use my moms van to take him there. when i get back she goes to work )and i still have to hitch hike..cause i start later..and yes i did get sleepy at 2:00pm but made through with out having a nap.. if i could have i would have.. dont get me wrong..shes just starting , if you spoil her now, you ll regret it..... shes sounds like the type to put on 50 lbs and use the excuse i just had a baby 1 yr later why she hasnt lost the weight.......... the harder u work the faster your body comes back remember that,,,,,,good luck with her...

 

to jennifer - October 6

sounds like a great guy you have. I think Martin is looking for understanding, don't telll him he can be a jerk to his wife just because your bf is to you

 

To Martin from Jessica - October 7

Martin, all of us pregnant ladies have been through the first semester tiredness, it is not fun. However, most doctors will tell her that the best way to get rid of the tiredness is to be active and take naps throughout the day. and most of all sleep well through the night. I understand that it is difficult but you really do need to talk to her. I do not think you are being a bad husband I just think your wife is being a little overdramitic. just be sympathetic to her needs and go and talk to her doctor together. most woman if they have concerns or questions they ask the doctor and then feel better. maybe if her doc told her it was ok to do chores around the house she will be more willing. there are some thing s she wont be able to do like lifting heavy layndry baskets and things like that but most stuff is ok for her too do. and actually i personally felt a whole lot better when i was being active instead of lying around all day. hope i helped a little. you are not a bad husband and dont pay attention to those who say you are.

 

Tara - October 7

Martin she will eventually start helping out.I always had to have 3 naps in my first trimester but you normally get some energy back during your second trimester.I'm in my third and i do alot around the house and help my husband as much as possible as he also helps me..good luck

 

jennifer - October 7

I am not telling him to be a jerk, just making a point that there is no excuse for being lazy... If he helps out thats excellent. I am working on my bf. he is a lazy a__s that has had everything handed to him in his life. I think if he wants to stick around in my life he has to step up ....and be a man. women should be happy to have a guy like martin in thier lives and not take advantage of his kind,nature..theres not alot of them out there.

 

to Martin - October 7

My dh said the same thing to me when I was pregnant the first time: "I dodn't think pregnancy is SUCH a fragile thing - all women go through this and have babies without problems!" ...After TREE miscarriages, one sergery on my cervix with diagnosis "cancer",... he doesn't think so anymore... Be cerful, you never know what could happen to you and your wife and your unborn baby! Now we have healthy daughter: Thank God!

 

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