Need Male Or Anyone Who Has Advice Perspective Long

13 Replies
yungmama - February 10

Hi, I am 26 weeks pregnant and having a really hard time deciding what to do about my bf. He has been putting me through h__l. I constantly have to be on his a$$ about getting a job (he quit his a few weeks ago), he is on probabtion and doesn't do anything he supposed to to get off (ie: go to rehab classes, do community service, visit his po). He always sleeps all day then goes out with his friends while I work 40 hours a week and babysit 4 nights a week. I was also going to school but had to take a semester off due to the fact that I will be giving birth during finals. He says he doesn't want to do anything when I am "jumping down his throat" about it. I tried just letting him do what he needs to do and not worry about it. He still doesn't do anything, but he seems a lot happier. I don't think it is fair that in order to keep him happy (which at this point I don't think he deserves) I have to keep my feelings bottled up and be miserable. I love him more than anything and we have been together for 5 years. Some people tell me that he will change when the baby gets here, but I don't want to wait that long and then have to leave him anyway. I also don't want to leave him if he can really grow up and change b/c I do love him and would like him to be there for his son (he is very good with kids but that is not always enough). I just don't want to keep being stressed out. It caused me to end up in the hospital last week having contractions and I don't want to harm my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

yungmama - February 10

oh yeah, and while he is not working he is always ha__seling me for money (he doesn't even pay rent). When I say get a job and you would have money, I am the bad person. He tells me all I do is put him down, but he doesn't give me anything nice to say about him anymore.

 

Ed - February 10

He's on parole, he's unemployed, he sleeps all day and then goed out with friends, he doesn't pitch in to pay the bills and as a result you're in the hospital with contractions due to the stress. OH MY GOD. You need to open up a fresh can of selfrespect and do something about your situation. This guy is in a comfort position and by the sound of it, he's comfortable. Him being good with kids, does not make him a qualified father. A good father pays the bills, changes the diapers, helps out in the house, is there to support you mentally and physically and in general is emotionally available himself. That and no less is normal. If he refuses to get onboard, then get rid of him. BTW, what was he in for?

 

yungmama - February 12

He is on probation for selling drugs. And the said thing is I think he is doing it again. But I don't even know where that money is going. I can't kick him out b/c my name is not on the lease his is, but b/c of this I have not paid the rent either. If anything he will be the one who goes to court. I do not take anyone's replies as an insult b/c I think the same things to myself. His friends all try to say I'm a crazy b***h but I just tell them the only reason I'm crazy is for sticking around and staying with him. I feel like I should leave him but It doesn't seem that easy. I know that if he keeps it up once the baby is here I can't stick around b/c that is not the life I want my child to live. But it just kills me to see that he is being this way and I don't understand why he can't take responsibiltiy like I am. I also know that my family will be highly disappointed (my father mainly) if they see this is what I got myself into.

 

yungmama - February 15

I'm am trying to find somewhere to move right now. He has been doing the same stuff. He had his friend in our apartment after I fell asleep the other night and they were doing drugs. Well, I was woken up at 3 am b/c my bf was freaking out. Here the kid over dosed and almost died on the living room floor. I had to call an ambulance and they got there just in time.

 

Lynne - February 15

You need to get away from the loser. Your baby deserves better and that child should be the most important person in your life. Ask yourself, what am I getting out of this relationship? If the answer is nothing, then why are you stil there. You cannot make someone change, they must do it for themselves. You owe it to the baby to be in a stable environment and it cannot be around drugs at all. Love the child and be a good mom. This guy isn't worth it, he sounds like a loser. Better yet, call his probation officer and tell him he has violated and have his a__s thrown back in jail.

 

bump - February 22

bump

 

kris A. - February 22

What is going to happen 5 months from now when you fall asleep with a newborn in the room, and wake up to him and his buddy's partying, overdosing, and "oh, the kids crying, let's give him some/smack him around/ throw him out the window... " and BAM! just like that baby is DEAD. Happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. GET OUT. Go home and take your licks from mom and dad, and get on your feet WITHOUT HIM.

 

Kristi - February 22

As long as you put up with it ... he'll continue to cash in on the “goods”. Girl, he hit the jackpot with you. And now the poor baby doesn't even have to listen to you "jump down his throat". He's got a roof over his head, a woman working her a__s off to keep him fed, clothed, warm & comfortable & you even GIVE HIM SPENDING CASH. And … I'll bet anything that you give him all the s_x he needs too! The dude has it made! Will he change? The question should be: WHY would he change? He's using you BIG TIME & you are the one letting him do so. His actions speak loud. He doesn’t respect you or love you. If he did, he’d support his family.

 

yungmama - February 23

I am looking for somewhere else to live right now. I do not have the money to get a new apartment and pay down payment and everything so I think a friend of my family may let me stay there for a while to save money. He is talking to his wife and we will see what happens. I really appreciate everyone's input. I know everything will work out eventually but this is just not what I ever expected.

 

StressedToo - February 26

How about geting as far away from him as possible?

 

dee23 - March 4

yungmama, i hope everything thing is ok. i shed a tear for you girl...what a horrible situation to be in, and you have lept up and taken the first step at leaving...well done, ive heard alot of women arent brave enough to do that. i hope everything turns out for you...but we all know that it will be for the better, no matter how hard it may be to get over him, keep at it....you may have just saved your child's life from od'ing and dying on drugs in the future. both your well beings are better off without him.....keep us informed : )

 

... - March 5

This is NOT a healthy relationship. He needs to stop sponging off of a pregnant woman and grow up. For your sake and the childs, throw him out (as heart breaking as it may initially be).

 

prayerfully_hopeful - April 7

THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO LET ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. LET THIS MAN ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE'S PUTTING YOU THROUGH. APPARENTLY HE IS TAKING THE SITUATION FOR GRANTED AND HE IS HAVING A HARD TIME GROWING UP. IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS PATTERN NOW IT WON'T STOP AFTER YOUR BABY IS HERE. WITH THAT SAID START CHANGING THINGS NOW, LET HIM KNOW HE IS LOVED, AND WANTED BUT YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIS STRESSFUL BEHAVIOR. WOMEN ARE A LOT STRONGER THAN WE GIVE OURSELVES CREDIT FOR BEING. YOU DON'T WANT A CRANKY, UNHAPPY BABY, DUE TO YOUR TOXIC EMOTIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY. BE STRONG AND SEPERATE YOURSELF HOPEFULLY THEN HE WILL BE FORCED TO GROW UP. YOU DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOUR BABY THIS WAY OF LIFE. THERE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT, IT STARTS HERE AND NOW WHEN THE BABY IS STILL IN THE WOMB. TRUST ME SOMETIMES IT TAKES THE WOMEN TO MAKE THE FIRST STEP FOR A LIFESTYLE CHANGE IN A RELATIONSHIP. I HOPE I HAVE HELPED YOU.

 

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