Not In Love With Husband Anymore Pregnant Again

42 Replies
Belinda - April 18

I have been with my husband for 8 yrs. 5 yrs dating and 3 married. We have one son already and I just found out I'm pregnant again. I'm not in love with him anymore and I don't know what I should do. I don't even think he has any idea my feelings have changed. Why are men so unobservant? Why don't they pay attention to anything? Anyway, would you rather have a wife that didn't love you termintate the pregnancy or stay married with kids and not be in love with you.

 

lilmama - April 19

why would you kill your baby just because you dont love your husband? Sorry, I know I shouldnt be so judgemental, but even if you get divorced you can still take care of your baby on your own or give it to someone who will take good care of it

 

TO BELINDA - April 20

Why on earth would you kill your baby just because you don't think you want to be with your husband anymore? This is an innocent little human being we are talking about here, YOUR BABY. If you didn't want to get pregnant, you should have kept your legs closed.

 

Fabienne - April 27

I agree with lilmama - why would you kill your baby because you no longer has feelings for your husband. I want to add that it is a misconception to think that 'to love' someone is 'to have feelings' for that person. Love is a CHOICE. You can choose to love your husband . Feelings are a consequence - they're good and I'm glad they're there but you primary choose to love your husband. And actually, more important than loving him, is respecting them. They're more sensitive to respect than love. I know it isn't always easy and don't really know your situation in detail but remember that love is a choice and respect your husband : he'll love you back for it :)

 

Janice - May 14

Belinda, Do what is best for you, not anyone else. Not your husband. Not your baby. You need to be happy, before you can even think of having another child. Please don't let these pro-lifers make you feel bad about that. You only get one life to be happy.

 

genevie - May 27

how can you not love him you have been with him for 8 yrs you have to have some feelings

 

Jill - May 28

Belinda, please don't terminate this baby. I know your scared and uncertain, but this is life in you and you will be forever sorry. Find someone you can talk to for support and pray to god to help you thru this. God luck to you, and keep us informed ok?

 

Amanda - June 5

Bah, pro-lifers. It's your life, your emotions. Do what is best for you, not some nameless zygote.

 

Ciana - June 9

It is hard to stay married to someone you don't live, and now that you are pregnant again it makes you feel. stuck. I was going through this same situation 1 year ago. I had a beautiful baby boy last December. I already have a 3 year old son. Now, i am faced with yet another pregnancy and the dr says i may not make it, so I am considering terminating the pregnancy. I am pro-choice. One thing that anti-abortionists do not get is that making a decision to terminate a pregnancy is the absolute HARDEST thing a person will ever have to do. I would not go through with it unless I had really thought things through. It is a tough decision, but you need to do what is going to be best for you and your first child. don't let anyone make a decision for you.

 

Kerry - June 9

Belinda youve already been a Mom to your son so you know you can do it again ,It's your choice but even if your not in Love anymore you can still have this baby I'm afaid if you terminate this pregnancy you'll never be able to live with it. Be strong do what makes you happy but this baby is a part of you and he or she will bring you years of happiness. Either way your husband should have a say about the pregnancy too after all it's his child too.There are alot of support systems out there to help you you can be happy with a new baby and still choose to leave your marriage. Good luck just don't do anything hasty think about it.

 

susan - June 14

i'm going through the same situation. i also no longer feel any love for my boyfriend of 4 and a half yrs. i have a 3yr old and a 9month old and pregnant again staying won't help things and neither would terminating the pregnancy. but you do what you have to do

 

Desiree - July 2

"You need to be happy, before you can even think of having another child. Please don't let these pro-lifers make you feel bad about that. You only get one life to be happy." Thats right only think of YOU like this nice lady said. After all this is America "I wanna hold your hand country". And the only point in life is to make yourself happy and not let anyone standi your way. Sheesh. ppl are so selfish.

 

Kevin - July 2

Belinda, Marraige is a life time with good years and bad. Love is not easy. have you even considered having both the baby and a happy marraige? As long as there is respect and honesty you can triumph over the difficult years. What awaits is more than you probably would ever expect. good luck!

 

Heather - July 5

Belinda, Take the pregnancy out of the equation and focus on the "love" part for now. I'm not in love with my husband but I love my husband. He feels the same way. Love is about respect and caring. I don't want anything to happen to him but I don't have pa__sionate "love" feelings for him. We work very good together and even have fun s_x. This works for us but it may not work for you. You need to talk to your husband maybe he feels the same way and doesn't want to hurt you. Marriage seems to be a roller coaster sometimes high and other times low. Talk with your husband and if you watch Dr. Phil talk the right way so you two actually communicate instead of blame. Good Luck!

 

? - July 11

u can have the baby and place it for adoption, or something, why did u have s_x with someone u dont love thats just stupid

 

Annie - August 1

Hi Belinda. I have a friend... who was married for a short time and found herself pregnant. She was very sick with the pregnancy and found her husband to be a real jerk. She grew to despise him and realized what a mistake she had made in marrying him. She had always thought of herself as pro life and never dreamed she would ever terminate a pregnancy. However, it turned out it was different when she was in the situation herself. She had always been very independent and couldn't believe she had created such a miserable situation for herself. She did leave her husband for a while and, sadly, ended up terminating the pregnancy. She ended up reconciling with the husband and they now have another child together. The main point I want to make is that she is very, very sad about the choice she made to end the pregnancy. She is so in love with her child, although still not necessarily with her husband. Every time she looks into at her baby's big trusting eyes she is reminded of the one whose life was ended because of a decision that she made. She watches those birth shows and cries because she is so sad that she ended the life of her own child. She feels she will never be the same again. She only told me this after the fact. I have attempted to console her by reminding her of how alone she felt. She regrets not having reached out to anyone and having made this life-changing decision in such isolation, in her extreme sickness and under the influence of the extreme emotions of pregnancy. The other letters I've read here that say make a choice for yourself and what's best for you reminded me of my friend who still sobs in private because of the hurt she feels and the grieving she is doing over the choice she made. In hindsight she can see that she should have reached out to talk this over with someone. It scares her that she could make a decision like this that seemed like the only solution at the time and that she so regrets now. She no longer trusts her own judgement. She made the decision in anger toward her spouse and as a way of trying to regain control of her life. In the stress of the situation I think she felt like a trapped animal who will chew off it's own limb to escape the jaws of a trap. But the animal lives out its life with a lifelong handicap. I know my friend would give anything to turn back the clock and to have considered and then rejected the idea of terminating that pregnancy. I think the saddest thing she ever told me about this was that her baby will sometimes wake up startled with a terrified look on her face and big tears in her eyes and a big fearful frown and my friend will hold her baby close and comfort her but she is then reminded of the instant when her first child's life was taken in that cold office by strangers and she wonders whether it also had a look like that, but instead of my friend being able to comfort the child, that she was the reason the child was rejected and feeling the fear and nothing could be done to comfort it anymore. My friend is haunted by the choice she made and would love to have the two children that she created with her. Instead she holds the second child but feels she will forever be shadowed by the child who should have been her first born.

 

John - August 3

why would you say men are so unobservant? he isnt a mind reader, try sitting down and talking with him about your feelings, and if you must leave him dont kill your baby, if you dont want the baby either put it up for adoption or let him take care of it

 

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