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Jem - November 9th, 2005 5:02 PM

I'm pregnant and this will be my 2nd child with my husband. I am not in love anymore and want a divorce. The baby will be here in about 1 month. I am planning to wait at least 6 months after the baby is born to break the news. My bestfriend knows that I am planning to tell him and she keeps pushing me to tell him now. I think with the baby coming so soon it would a terrible time to tell. Guy would you rather have your wife tell you right before the baby is born or 6months after?


Hate but Care ! ????? - November 9th, 2005 5:28 PM

no time better than the worst time you can think of , stop confusing people here ! "you're not in love anymore but you're sounding like you care enough to ask what is the best time"? What's wrong with you ?


James - November 9th, 2005 8:20 PM

Jem, if I were you I'd wait till after before breaking the news. The only thing you should be focusing on right now is that child you're carrying. As you know, pregnancy alone is stressful enough for the both of you, so dont add to it. Who knows...you may have a change of heart after the baby is born. From a male perspective, I'd rather my wife wait until after to break the news to me.


karine - November 10th, 2005 1:10 PM

you absolutly dont want to try and fix things up ? you are about to have your second child. love dont just turn off, somthing had to happen, maybe tis things that he does that makes you feel this way. maybe you should sit down and talk with him, tell him you have been thinking of a divorce but youd ike to try and fix things up before, tell him things have to change and your willing to try. maybe all you need is a vacation alone away from other kid, and family and work and all the day to day chores.


*X* - November 10th, 2005 9:28 PM

Jem, whatever you decide, it is definitely a good idea to wait at least 6 months, as you said above. Make absolutely, positively sure that you really mean it and aren't just overly hormonal. The last thing that you want to do is to make a rash decision that will severely change your life and those of your children. Best of luck to you.


to soap stone - November 10th, 2005 9:55 PM

I agree with disgusting . I'm wondering why your best friend (who is not your husband) knows and so do we now too ?


Irish - November 11th, 2005 9:00 AM

Jem, How are you? i hope you are keeping well. I'm sorry your going through such a terrible time right now with falling out of love with your husband you must be feeling really terrible about the whole situation and especially when you look for advice all you get is abuse from those you ask for help from. Keep your head up girl, pregnancy is tough and all the emotions that come with it. I do believe if you wait until after the baby is born you will be able to see things alot clearer then what they are now with all those hormones rushing about. I think you need to ask yourself some questions first about why you no longer love your husband and then ask yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place, if you write it out on a piece of paper and then when you are feeling calm you should discuss the list with him and see if counselling might help. If your husband truly loves you or if you ever truly loved him then i think you should give it a go. This is just my advice, at the end of the day you have to listen to your own heart about it. Hope all goes well with the birth and you are able to sort things out. Take care of yourself.


to Jem not soap stone - November 11th, 2005 12:43 PM

you know Jem I think this isn't your first posting and I gave it alot of thought because whether you are the same person or not I think I understand so scratch anything I may have said I guess I'm just one of those people who find the situation a little shocking, best of luck .


hh - November 13th, 2005 10:54 AM

Wait and give things a chance to settle in. Give him and the baby a chance to bond and then sort out what you want.


H - December 15th, 2005 12:51 PM

I can't believe you are willing to hurt him like that and destroy your children's home for your own selfish feelings. Love is an action, if you start showing love, then you will feel love again, not the other way around. How cruel of you!


to H - December 15th, 2005 9:27 PM

This is an old thread but anyway I think she should or should have explained why because not in Love anymore doesn't sound so good , it actually even sounds cruel and lame .


tam - December 16th, 2005 2:15 PM

are you hoping he will be attached to this baby before you throw him out? have you thought about a marrage councilor or how your other child is going to feel when daddy doesnt come home? what is the real problem is it him or your hormones?


JKC - December 29th, 2005 11:46 AM

Jem didnt really go into details as to why she's not in love with him anymore, so all I can suspect is that maybe the hormones have a lot to do with it. I'm going thru this right now with my ex-gf (Dont Touch Me!). She said she didnt want a romantic relationship with me anymore. Like everyone keeps telling me, just wait till that baby is born...she'll come around. So Jem, dont make any big decisions just yet. This pregnancy situation is stressful enough for the both of you, so dont add more fuel to the fire right now. I'd wait till after the baby is here. You might just find that you DO love him after all. That's what I'm counting on anyway.


mon17 - December 31st, 2005 4:18 AM

I think you should wait to tell him because it could just be the stress of the pregnancy getting to you and after a while things could get better. Thats just my opinion. There could be other things that I dont know about.


hopeful - January 3rd, 2006 10:02 AM

The bible says, "Let man not separate what God has brought together" I grew up in a divorced home and realize there are some things that you just can't fix. My father was an abusive drug addict and my mother took him back 4 times (2 after they were already divorced) just to try to keep the family together, but now she is married to a wonderful man, and has been for over 15 years. However, I don't quite understand why you would want to give up your marriage just like that. If there was a reason, abuse (verbal or physical), drugs, unfaithfullness. But it seems like you are just going through hormonal changes. Really think twice about this decision, God brought you and your husband together for a reason. I know that there is nothing in the world that could separate me from my husband. He is a wonderful, loving Godly man. BUT, he does piss me off sometimes, and there are times that I just wish he would go out with his friends and leave me alone, but thats marraige, you go through rough patches. remember that God brought you together, and it is not youjob to end the marraige, its his, and that way is when one of you dies. (Please do not take this as me telling you your husband should die) All I'm saying is that you should have meant it when you said "till death do us part" in front of the Lord.


sarah513 - January 3rd, 2006 8:27 PM

could it just be pregnancy hormones talking?? i mean.. i hate my guy sometimes and i wanna kill him but hey... then i get over it and know its just preggo hormones... i would give it time to see if you feel a change.. i wouldnt jump into anything without knowing if you really dont love him anymore


Shauna - February 1st, 2006 7:47 AM

Don't you hate it when people judge you? I have a three year old daughter, and I am going through a divorce. I had an IUD, and I thought there was no way I could get pregnant. I did, and because my husband has more money and a better lawyer, he has temporary custody of our three year old. He is gone 90% of the time, so his mother is keeping her. I am not allowed to see her by myself. All I'm saying is, if you are not in love with him - and you KNOW you do not want to work things out - get out now. I never thought in a million years that my daughter might be taken away from me even temporarily. I definately hope you do not live in a small town like I do. The judges and the lawyers are usually friends, and they do not care about the consequences in the decisions the judges make. It's all about money. Good luck Sweetie, and I will be praying for you.


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