Pregnant Wife Is Mean Help

103 Replies
curlielth - March 3

how do I read these threads?

 

Pop2B - May 27

This is so helpful, my wife is 11 weeks pregnant, I really felt like it was only me, but all things considered I have it pretty good. I've only had a remote control thrown at me, picked up a few face slaps, been told that she doesn't want me involved until she has the baby and possibly after, been told to die and that the support I've been giving is not enough ( cooking, cleaning, working, going to the doctors visits) and if my support is not perfect I cause her more stress..the last thing is she'll move out to her old apartment which is vacant for a month or longer. I really want to be involved and I'm really honestly doing my best, but it's hard, I'm also adjusting and it's hard to just shut up and take the insults and accusations..I'm planning to just let her go stay at her place for a while and check in occasionally until she voluntarily decides to come back, I'm just afraid she may not come back and I won't get to experience the little things...if I'm honest though it'll be good to just have some time to myslef as well..please help, what would you do?

 

marsbaa - August 4

my girlfriend is 4 months now and i can't do anything right, were looking for somewere to live at the mo and one second she says she wants me to live with her and the next she doesn't, and she doesn't want me around her any more its hart braeking, i'm trying my best to keep her happy but nothing i do is good enough. i don't no what to do any more. please help

 

Soon2BDad - August 12

Ok so my wife and i are going to have our first child. She is about 15-16 weeks along and i dont think i can take it anymore. From about 5 weeks on she has treated me terribly yelling at me and getting mad about nothing at all and it has progressivly gotten worse. Now it is to the point she absolutely will not talk to me. She doesnt have a job and has done nothing for the last two months while i have been working 2 jobs to support us. She doesnt cook or anything either. Now it is to the point where when i get home from work she gets up and goes to the spare bedroom and locks the door and i wont see her till the next night. She has quit telling me anything about her Dr. appointments (even when they are) and i have had all i can take. How am i supposed to trust this woman to be a good mother when she is the most aweful wife i could have ever imagined. This is the happiest time of my life and she has absolutely ruined it for me. I will never have another child.

 

marsbaa - August 19

i am in love with an amazing person she is the love of my life, but her hormones have turned her into someone that i don't know any more, i feel depresed and lonely nothing i do is good enough for her and she doesn't like spending more than two days at a time with me coz i sufacate her, i'm not allowed to stay with her even for one night i just want the girl that i fell in love with back, i smile at her and she stairs back as if she's looking straight through me she does say that she loves me but the way she say's it there's no meaning, i don't know what to do any more i love her so much and i know that when the baby comes in five months her hormones will cool down and i'll have her back but five months is a long time to feel like i do, she's going on holiday next week for two weeks, ye i'm going to miss her but i think the brake will do us both good to have some time apart to do some thinking. She say's that she doesn't want to have this baby and doesn't want this child to come into the world with a mum who doesn't want it and that she wants to live alone and have her old life back and that i will have the baby. She's 25 and all her friends are still going out partying but every one's got to grow up wether they want to or not, i'm finding it hard my self coming to terms with that in five months we'll have a baby in our lives and ever thing is going to change but its got to be done. If anyone's got some advice for me that would help me to cope or even to put a smile on her and my face please help.

 

CelticVamp - September 23

LOL. I just read all six pages of this forum and even emailed it to my husband to let him know he is not alone. I googled this because I am so horrible to be around right now and wanted to know if it was normal or if I am just plain sadistic. Looks like this is normal. I am 30 weeks preggo with my first baby. I am so excited about having a little boy!! I have to say, though, that this pregnancy has made me a total monster. One minute I am fine, the next minute I am trying to control everything around me (including my husband) and getting super furious when things are not as I like them. Then...when i realize how horrible I have been, I start crying and weeping and that usually lasts for days. Last night, my husband of 11 years told me that he still loves me but that he feels some of his love for me dying because of how mean I have been. I knew I was being this way, but couldn;t seem to help it or stop it, even though I love him so very much and cannot imagine saying hurtful things to him. It just comes out. now that we had that talk last night, I am going to do everything in my power to show him how much I love and appreciate him...which will include more s_x. before I got pregnant, I was kinky and wild and wanted it all of the time...for the last ten years our s_x life has been amazing. Then...when the pregnancy hormones hit...it drove my s_x drive away. Pregnancy is NOT a beautiful thing and it has been a miserable experience for me. only 11 weeks left and it will be over and my man and I can be happy again. I hope. thank you to everyone for your posts....very helpful.

 

vormund67 - October 5

My 1st deffinetly my last. How we survived as a race of beings is beyond me. MY wife, who already has a listening problem even before being pregnant is a 1000x's worst. I hate repeating myself. I will explain things in very calm and concise ways. Being a mngr of crews and 44 I must have great communication skills. But with my wife, it is like I have not spoken a word, nothing. I her I must be standing there mouth moving but no sound. She talks to me as if I do not listen and then have to explain what some one elese had said again. Then 5 minutes later will, will speak as if it was never said. If she talks down to me like a teen ager and complains her sisters say the same thing about her. How is my kid going to survive. When she will be treating us both like we do not listen of have a brain. I have no faith it is going to get better after she is born. Since she had this streak to begin with. I love her. But it is getting out of hand. She takes no responcability and it is always someone elses way of hearing, not how she says it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you, I know this is just babble, and makes no sense. Bottom line. If she keeps treating me like a teenager who does not listen or know better. What is she going to do with our kid?

 

fatherof6 - January 11

Just another worn out dad here looking for a cure to a grumpy pregnant wife who's almost half way through the pregnancy. This is our fifth pregnancy (and sixth child, we had twins the second time around) so I should know better than to get so discouraged but here I am. This thread has been helpful, I think us Dads just need to hang together. For me the hardest thing is that my wife is very physical and affectionate when she's not pregnant and that drops to few and far between moments when she's pregnant. She's never been a morning person but when she's not pregnant I can at least snuggle up to her, now she recoils and gets really grouchy at night and in the morning. All I can say is "guys, it's worth it", after having five children running around the house and all the stress/tiredness and trials that come with that, children are treasures and true wealth. Our wives go through hell to give us these children and pregnancy and childbirth destroy their bodies. If your wife is anything like mine she started out insecure about her body even the day you got married in all her glory, now she has stretch marks, is retaining water, has constipation and hemorrhoids, is breaking out and has hair falling out... just to name a few "normal" symptoms of pregnancy... I never understood her insecurity, I think she's gorgeous just like the country song give me that girl, but she's wired differently and the sooner you accept that the better you can understand her, especially when she's pregnant. When a woman feels horrible and ugly the best we can do as husbands is encourage her, tell her how much we love her and adore her and back off physically unless she shows interest first. I know you guys are probably like me, you still are attracted to your wives, still want to be with them physically and need that affection back. You have to lower your expectations for a few months, even a few months after the baby comes. My advice from experience is that the woman you married, the one who loved you and was affectionate and physical with you is still there and still loves you. She won't be able to show it physically while she's pregnant for a lot of the pregnancy but that comes back a few months after the baby comes. What she needs now is you to give her space when she needs it but also to be there for her, listen to her, show your love to her in action and words instead of touch until she is ready. It gets better, she is still her but she's confused, emotionally and physically and afraid and worried about what is happening to her. The pay off is worth it, I have to keep remembering how much waiting I did when I was courting her before we were married, we didn't have s_x until we were married and didn't kiss until we were engaged but it was all worth it on our wedding night and the years since then. Suck it up, think of it as courtship, think of her as a prize to fight for and remember that she's still there and suffering a lot worse than you are!

 

itstrue526 - February 1

I'm having my first child also and my wife is certifiably crazy. And honetsly, I thought it was just me, but forums like this are a big help. The other day on Twitter I came across a site called CrazyPregnantWife.com. It's guys sharing crazy stories about their wives - It's meant to be therapy. They are kind of fun to read. It's similar to this thread, but you submit a story and then they review and post it.

 

J_philly - February 1

It is, as everyone has pointed out, comforting to hear that others have experienced similar issues. I am about 2.5 months away from our first baby boy and am very excited. However, my wife claims to hate me and says there is no hope for us. There are many details to our story, but at the heart of it, its quite similar to most on this list. Personally, i feel emotionally drained and lost. I'm a pretty grounded person, but this has had my life in one of the most stressful states for the last 2-3 months. I don't stay in the same room as her anymore, and only get anger anytime we talk. It really doesn't matter what I say or do. I have always been extremely supportive, but she claims I am not at all, before and during the pregnancy. But I have done everything i can think of. I keep the house full of food, i cook her meals, i take care of cleaning etc.. as much as possible, the dog too... I work every day, and have participated and done everything I can to show my enthusiasm and my love for her. But I too get the cold glares that go right through you. I pray that there is actually hope at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is telling me that post-partum is even worse. I'm not even sure, at this point, whether I can attribute this to pregnancy and hormones. There is so much she saying that makes it seem like more than that. We started some counseling but that only lasted a short time because she just remained angry the whole time. Just about the only thing keeping me grounded at this point, is the joy people keep talking about with kids. I just hope that I can have the chance to be the father I have always dreamed of being, so that I can share in some of that joy. Even if my wife still hates me later, I'm trying my best.

 

toughexperience - February 2

I met my wife end of June 2010, we got married in Oct, we wanted to have a child and she was really eager to get pregnant and actually stopped taking b-control prior to getting married. We found out beginning of Nov that she was 7 weeks pregnant. We never fought, never even raised our voices towards each other. After a minor disagreement at the beginning of Dec, she got upset and wanted to spend a few hours with her dad alone. I agreed, not thinking it was any big deal. A few hours turned into a day, then i received one text message saying she wanted to talk later, that never happened. She proceeded to stay away, and I didn't see her again for over a week. She started questioning our whole relationship and said we moved too fast and she didn't think it would work out between us. She filed for divorce and asked me to move out. This has been one shocking experience. I did find out after she moved out that she has been suffering from depression and anxiety for several years, and was taking medication for it. She was being treated by a professional psychiatrist. She has not given me an update since week 7 and now she is 15-16 weeks. I'm 39 and this is my first child, I never dreamed in a million years this would happen to me. I have continued to send her encouraging emails telling her that I'm her for her and that I will be part of this child's life. I proceeded to hire a lawyer who is trying to get temporary orders so that I can participate in these development weeks, so that I can be part of naming my child, seeing the ultrasounds, etc. It is so frustrating that I don't get to experience the joy of this whole experience. Now with the courts involved she will have to respond and at the very least give me an update. I wonder if she will return to normal once the baby comes? I would have never got her pregnant if I even knew being a single parent was even an option for her. Thanks for any advise you can give!

 

J_philly - February 2

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice, but I can offer my sympathy. It sounds like your wife took an even more drastic route. My wife was also on various medications for depression in the past. I never thought she had any serious depression, but it was enough to take meds. She too stopped several months before 'trying' and things seemed fine in general. All in all, your situation isn't far off from mine, but unfortunately you've had to take additional steps to ensure your role as a father. I am so sorry you're going through this, to that extent, as that is one of my biggest fears in all of this. Its my first child and I have been getting so excited about it. I too never dreamed of being a single parent in any way. At this point, i'm just trying to get through things day to day. I'm doing everything i can to be as caring as possible, yet keeping my distance enough that she gets the space she needs. There's a lot more complicating my story at this point too, but i'm hoping time will help in some way. I pray too that she'll see that I'm a good person, at the end of the day, and will come around and accept me again. I've always loved her, and am trying very hard to turn things back in a positive direction. I wish you good luck, and hope that things improve once the baby is born. Perhaps then, medication can help again. As I'm sure you're doing, you have some hope that this is biochemical, and related more to hormones and pregnancy than a fundamental problem with you as a person. It seems to be the case based on all the discussion on the web, enough to keep holding on to that hope, I think...

 

jbrady - March 19

yeah so im right there with you guy. the c___ppy part for me is that i work with my girlfriend and she is my boss. so not only can i do nothing right, but then all i hear is that i suck at my job. then she tells me i should start looking for another one. i mean are you pregnant ladies so un reasonable you would get your dads to be fired. that just seems really counter productive.

 

tryingtohelp - July 28

It is really so nice to hear other stories of people with similar experiences. I try to remind myself everyday that my wife will come back at some point(not for at least 7 more months though). It has been so hard on both of us. Our pregnancy is compelely unplanned. We tried to do everything to avoid it. She got pregnant on our honeymoon (after waiting to have s_x until we were married). The shock of being pregnant was enough of a stress. Trying to deal with that while learning to live with my wife has been the most daunting task I have ever faced. Then the pregnancy symptoms come in... Now, at 7 weeks, feels terrible and sick all day, sleeps all the time, avoids s_x (and when she finally feels good enough to it is extremely uncomfortable for her and she just gets mad.) She get frustrated at every little thing that I do. She can be mean, really MEAN. She already has a strong personality and I'm a very sensitive guy. I really try my best to suck it up and just take it, but I'm getting so discouraged. We both didn't want this. I try to tell her all the time I love her, compliment her and encourage her, but I never get appreciation. I have no clue what she is going through. Her body is changing and hormones are going wild. (she absolutely hates being pregnant) I at times feel complely hopeless. I feel as if I only had a supportive wife I could get through this, but I don't even get that. It is so much to handle on a new relationship. I feel it tearing us apart... So many husbands have the joy and hope of their child to get them through the trials of a pregnant wife. We haven't even felt that. I pray every morning for God to give me the strength for today. I pray God changes my heart towards having this child. I pray that this brings us closer together. But I in no way feel that currently. I has been such a hard 4 weeks and there are 30 more to go.

 

afmamh - August 28

My girlfriend is pregnant with our first child. I am being super supportive, doing anything she asks and always here when she needs me (not saying that I am perfect but I really am trying). It feels like all she cares about is herself. I am not allowed to have a bad day, be stressed, feel sick or anything. If I do and I voice she gets mad and says "well I'm pregnant..." I feel like she doesn't care about what is going on with me. She barely touches me (hug, kiss nothing) I feel alone and she disregards anything that I say when I try to share how I'm feeling. Should she care about what I am going through or should it be all about her all the time? sigh not to mention that she is always acting like I am the biggest annoyance in her life. I want to be her ally not her enemy. Any suggestions or advice? Encouragement? Thank you for listening.

 

kallywana - February 24

Men are too quick to say their wives are cranky during pregnancy. l am 5months pregnant with my 2nd child. l remeber very well when l told my husband that my friend is very sick because of pregnancy and it is her 2nd. l was shocked why my husband said, it is not a big deal because it is her 2nd. Sometimes we are pushed to be cranky from my experience. l sent some money to my husbands parents for xmas, his mum called that l should thanked her son that they got the money when l asked him, he said he is sorry, l demanded he correct the mistake but he never did. We agreed not to let it out too soon. To surprise he told his brother and when he tod me l lost cool, on top of that he also told his father. Is it asking for too much for my wishes to be respected? For 5 days now we have not been talking and l least l would be stressed less. We were dressed to go out and he asked me to change d shoes l wore and why l asked why he said because he said so. l got angry that l am not toddler to be spoken to like that. He insisted l change it or less l will not go out. (we are using our own car) l told him that l would wear boot then change to it when he got to the place. He said not. l finally changed it to another shoes and told him l was ready. He then asked me to bring the shoes he said l should not wear and l refused. He locked the house and collected my key and locked me up. The baked food l made for sale could not be sold and l got so angry. Do l need all these stresss? The next day instead talking about what happened, he tried too woo me back by calling me pet names and some physical touch. l boldly asked to stop that l do not have anything aganist him. But he insisted. l have to leave for the kitchen an he still followed me to force me to accept without saying sorry for locking me up l got so mad that l surprised him with a slap and since then till today, we are now strangers. l am the one suffering the previous pain on previous C-section, the heartburn and sleeplessness. l still wake up everyday make his breakfast and lunch he takes to work and all the household chores and my toddler. According to him l am the one pregnant not him. He is great in some in his peculiar way but l do not need any criticisms and stress.

 

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