2nd Baby Too Soon

16 Replies
whynotme - December 21

Hey ladies. I was just wondering if there were any other women thinking about having another baby soon after their 1st. I have a 7 month old and was thinking about trying to have a 2nd when she is around 10 months. That would put the babies at 19 + months apart. I was all ready to do it and then I started thinking about how my 1st would feel about another baby and would I be able to love the 2nd as much as the 1st. I know it sounds silly but it's just something to consider. I grew up without any siblings and would love for my daughter to have them to grow with. I know it will be hard with a toddler and an infant but I know I can handle that part. I just wanted to get some opinions from other mothers.

 

DDT - December 21

I have no personal experience as I only have ds (10 months) and don't plan on TTC until he's 20-22 months or so. This is because of daycare costs (its expensive!) which become cheaper once your child is over 2, because I would like a summer baby, and because I just don't think I'm ready mentally & physically ready for another one any sooner. BUT I have 2 brothers that are 19 months apart. They were VERY close growing up...shared a room until they were 13-13 years old...were basically like twins. But then they also had episodes where they fought like cat and dog. One of them was also very, very coliky as a baby so I know my Mom had a hard time. I think its great to have kids close in age if you can manage the hectic life it may/will bring. Good luck with your decision!

 

DDT - December 21

*13-14 years old

 

tryin44 - December 21

Well, heres my experience with this situation. I have two boys now 7 and 8. I also have two girls now two(nov 4) and a nine week old girl. The boys were 13.5 months apart and the girls were born 23 months apart. Our boy did much better with the new baby than our daughter has done. Maybe it's the difference of age. Maybe it's girls vs boys but I would do the 13.5 months apart anyday over the 23 months apart. We are still dealing with horrible jealousy issues. My sister had her second boy the day after me (we were in the same hospital at the same time) and her boys are 18 months apart and he has adjusted fine.

 

sahmof3 - December 21

I have 3 kids. My oldest ds and my dd are 3 1/2 years apart. My dd and youngest ds are 17 months apart. Each of those spacings had it advantages and disadvantages. It was chaotic in the beginning when my 3rd was born because while my oldest had just turned 5, he has Asperger's Syndrome (high-functioning autism), and was like a toddler in many ways back then, so it was like having 2 toddlers and a newborn, but he and my dd became buddies and started playing together a lot. Now that he's in school all day (1st grade), my younger two have become good friends. The nice thing is that you are still in baby mode and you know that when one accomplishes a new milestone you know the next is not far behind. Like, last year my dd potty-trained and now my youngest is close and then I'll be free from diapers FOREVER!!! lol Also, I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but my 3rd picks up stuff sooo quickly that my dd is learning. He spoke really early and he even recognized all of his upper case letters by 22 months, because my daughter was working on them, plus my older son would come home and practice making the sounds of the letters when he was in kindergarten, so my youngest was exposed to it all the time. It's like you barely have to put in effort teaching them that stuff ;-) With my oldest not having anyone else around it was a huge undertaking teaching him his letters and such! So, yeah.. I've liked having them close in age :-) Good luck!

 

jessne - December 21

I just had my second son 1 month ago today. My boys are 16 months apart. My 16 month old is adjusting really good. I think that might be one good thing about having them close together. It can get a little crazy with 2 little people that have lots of needs and need mommy. But I can't wait till they are a little older and can play and bond more.

 

whynotme - December 21

Thank you for all of the stories and life experiences. I too have sisters that are much younger then me but are only 18 months apart. I do remember it being kind of like having twins around because every birthday and Christmas my mom had to buy 2 of everything because of jealousy issues. Now they are 19 and 18 and can hardly stand being in the same room together let along living in the same house. I guess that's really not my concern. I just hope that I can show them love equally and have them both feel loved. I just know that I am in serious baby mode and would rather have another one soon so that I don't have to pack toys and gear away then have to drag it out. We just want to get it all over with now so that we can focus on the rest of our lives. This is even amazing talking about having a 2nd child when we were told some years back that we would never have children. Got to thank the man upstairs for that blessing.

 

Justine1 - December 21

My 2 are 14 months apart and they both adore each other - there's only a little jealously e.g. sometimes they both have to be picked up together so Mum gets very strong - lol. Last night they both fell asleep hand in hand. I love them both the same - I think its normal to worry you won't love your second as much as your first but you do. I think children love to be close in age but its very hard work esp. at the start as you have to watch both really closely as the first one will try and sit on the 2nd one etc though you'll have a bigger age gap than me so that maybe fine then. It is also very expensive for childcare but if you feel you can handle the work then go for it.

 

eclectic66 - December 22

Baby fever must be in the air!! Because just a cpl weeks ago I posted a similiar question. I have a 5 month old and because of my age (37 tomorrow)..DH and I are ready to have the 2nd basically for the same reasons. We would also like to have them and get it out of the way so to speak...I also would love for ds to have a little brother or sister. I had questioned if it might be too soon for me physically bc I had a c-section and it seems that the opinion varied, but I think it would be ok bc I recovered very quickly. Did you have a c-section? Anyway, I think no matter what...if you feel it in your heart that it's time and have that urge to do it then go for it!! :-)

 

DB - December 22

We ttc last month and got bfn...they would've been 19 months apart. So, we will try in January again (with my Reproductive Endocrinologist) and if I get preganant right away then they'd be 21 months apart or so. If you think about it, your first child is the ONLY one who gets that much attention from mommy and daddy. Every other child has to "share" you, so I wouldn't worry too much about jealousy and loving the second one (although I completely understand what you're saying). Good luck to you!!!

 

Justine1 - December 22

Eclectic66 - I got pregnant when my first was 5/6 months and my pregnancy was perfect and labour was fine too - a water birth in about 5 hours, much better than my first pregnancy (an IVF pregnancy) which was terrible from start to finish. I didn't have a c-section with either so I don't know about that though, I'ld check with a doctor.

 

sahmof3 - December 23

eclectic... all 3 of mine were c-sections and everything went well, even having them so close. Definitely ask your OB their opinion, though, just to make sure there's no specific danger in your case. No one ever gave me a time frame for ttc and I had felt completely healed by my 6 week pp check up. I didn't start ttc then, as I wasn't entirely sure about baby # 3, but when she was 8 months old we felt ready to ttc and ended up getting pregnant 2 days later LOL.

 

IrinaZ - December 24

My DS just turned 6 mo and I am already thinking about having a second. We want to wait until he is 1 year to start trying. I feel that if I have a 2nd baby sooner rather than later, my DS would be still too young to understand and to be jealous. I have the same concerns as you do. I keep on wondering if I would love the second one the same way I love my DS.

 

DeeD - December 25

It isn't as hard as one would think. As mom of 7, it is just an a__sembly line. I have a ds who is almost 3 months, and yes, we are already thinking about number 8-which will be our last. I can tell you that it has it's challanges, but it has far more benefits...the biggest being that YOU are not the sole entertainment. They play together and it is SOOOOO much fun to do things as a family. JMO...

 

Sonrisa - December 29

I don't think it is too soon. I am planning to start trying when my baby is 16 mths, but that is because I need to acc_mulate more maternity leave days.

 

Sonrisa - December 29

My son is 9mths and I feel ready now.

 

whynotme - January 1

Okay, so I'm feeling much better now that I know I'm not the only one with concerns. I am super excited to have a 2nd child (god willing) and can't wait. Sometimes I look at my 7 month old and wonder what she would say if I could ask her how she will fee. HA HA...Silly I know. Well I am trying to get my body prepared now by losing about 5-10 more lbs. and going to the gym. We are going to see the R.E. in Feb. and hope to start trying in March. I can't believe that I am ready to do the whole pregnancy thing again, but it really wasn't that bad. I know I am gonna eat those words with the 2nd. I had no morning sickness and gained only 24 lbs. with my first. However, the birth was very very terrible. I wasn't dialated and they had to do the balloon cath. (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy). Labor was 16 hours and it was the worst!!! But when they hand you that sweet, precious miracle you forget all the pain don't you?!! Well good luck to you ladies with your 2nd, 3rd, 8th etc.

 

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