A Destructive 4 Year Old What Gives

4 Replies
BriannasMummy - January 14

My 4 year old dd.. is awesome! I love her to pieces. Recently she has decided to destroy some of her very nice things. She knows how to treat things, she knows what she is doing is wrong.. yet she does this. Shes very good with her things.. and usually treats them with respect. My dh went out and bought her a brand new bedroom set of 12 dancing princesses (which she loves). The other day she decided that it would be a great idea to DRAW all over her sheets with MARKERS. Her sheets are ruined. She knows what she did was wrong.. and she knows that she ruined them.. she simply did it on purpose. I just dont understand!! When I ask her about it.. she says that her friend (davin) told her to do it.. the thing is.. DAVIN DOESNT EXIST!! Thats an entire other story though! She cut up some of her books with her kid scissors.. she wrote on her boots... she throws her movies around like ragdolls.. when i told her not to take off her expensive rings.. she did on purpse.. and LOST the ring. She has had these priviledges for about 2 years now.. and she has never once let me down.. all of a sudden.. she is not responsible with anything. Anyone have any ideas on what might be happening with her? Is this just a stage? Am I giving her too much responsiblity? I also have to mention she has a new little sister (5 weeks old).. perhaps she is doing this for attention.. i really believe she has more then enough attention. Im confused.. im lost! Any suggestions on what i can do, will be most appreciated! ~Kristin~


Kara H. - January 14

She is definitely acting out and testing her bounderies. I would nip that in the bud. Strip her room of all of her nice things leaving her with just the bare bone necessities (bed w/plain sheet and blanket and 4-5 outfits that are not her favorite). Tell her that her nice things are privlages and she will have to show that she can respect her belongings. Then make her earn them back. Catch her doing good things like taking her cup to the sink, being nice to her little sister, picking up her toys without being asked, etc, and reward her by giving her back one item. This could take weeks to get everything back, but the longer the better. She will value her items like they are new again, while teaching her the difference between being handed something and earning it.


flower.momma - January 14

Hey there. I see you read my thread and it sounds like we are in a similar boat of older girl acting out and a younger baby possibly the culprit. I know what you mean about feeling like you love them so much, and it's like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?! I don't want to be mad at you!" She probably sees that you get all excited when she does stuff like this and subconciously enjoys the attention even though its negative. I also know what it feels like to want to give everyone all of yourself, but it still doesn't seem like it's enough. I wish I had some good advice for you, but all I can say is that I'm sure she will be just fine once things settle down a bit more at home. We will perservere!!!!


ash2 - January 14

I do have a 4 year old boy, but i must say he does know lots better than to do these things mentioned.....Does it seem she is having a jealousy issue ? I know my 4 year old will do things out of the ordinary to get attention. That definantly calls for discipline...let her know that there is no excuse for doing that . keep us posted.


BriannasMummy - January 14

Well once we found the marker all over her brandnew sheets.. we had a huge conversation on how its not acceptable. She agrees that she knows better and that she should not have done it. We also took all of her markers away.. we told her if she is going to use markers to ruin things she couldnt have them without surpervision and permission. She said.. ill never do it again and apologized. It was an empty apology.. because 3 days later I found MORE marker on the sheets and writings from a pencil.. she got the marker and the pencil from our desk. It makes me soo frustrated that she knows what she is doing is wrong.. yet she continues to do it. Crossing my fingers and my toes that things get better.. SOON. ~Kristin~



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