Another Vent About MIL

21 Replies
krnj - June 11

I have never had any problems with my mil until my ds was born. Anyway she babysat for us last night while we went to dinner. We come home to find ds still in his swing at midnight! I said why didn't you just put him in his crib! She said oh I didn't want to wake him. She didn't feed him like I told her to before he fell asleep so then his schedule was totally off and she didn't put him in his pajamas like I told her to! Then I left formula for him which she didn't open, she opened another whole quart and left it out! So we had to throw the whole quart away since it was out for so long!! Then she says to us, oh you should switch his formula because he's gassy. Who is she to tell me to switch formula?! She thinks she knows everything since she used to be a pedi nurse and I'm doing everything wrong. Then she wonders why she doesn't see ds that often!! Sorry for the vent everyone!

 

HannahBaby - June 11

i think your over reacting a bit. No matter who is watching your baby no one is going to follow your directions 100%. Ive had quite a few ppl watch my daughter and no one ever follows every direction that i ask. I think your being a little defensive because you think that she thinks shes better than you because she was a nurse, and besides that, a mother. Dont keep her away from your baby just for that reason. Im sure she loves him very much.

 

Rabbits07 - June 11

I don't blame you for being upset. Firstly, it's c___ppy when you have them on a schedule and someone messes it up. Secondly, formula is very expensive! Unfortunately, like HannahBaby said, no one ever seems to follow my directions either.

 

Annette - June 11

HannahBaby, you might be right and could be overreaction, but since I have the same kind of issues with my MIL dearest I know how upseting it can be, especially coming from your husband´s mom (deep down we are still sharing one man´s love, I think). My MIL happens to be a nurse as well, but not only that, she ALWAYS contradicts me about everything and I think it is her way to show how good she is for everything. She came with me to one of my ped appointments and she was the one answering the doctor´s questions, and even DARED to ask for a copy of my baby´s growth charts so "she could keep track". We love each other and I know she has very good intentions but I just need to ask her to do something one way so she does it completely different. Anyway, krnj, since she is helping you babysitting (I don´t have that luxury!) and she seems to be a good person, you can probably explain to her that your schedule is important and that "she will understand" why she must stick to it.

 

Nick - June 11

I have a similar problem and it does help to vent, except my husband doesn't want to hear it. I never had a problem with my mil until after my son was born. When she babysits, she never keeps my schedule. I joke to my sister that I tell her the opposite of what I want her to do and then she will do what I want. Mostly I just ignore it because I don't want to cause problems, but the other day she came over and told me I have to start slapping my 9 month olds hand when he gets into things. When I explained to her that we use time out instead she became very mad and said "it is a shame that he will grow up to be a spoiled brat because I won't disipline him!" It all went down hill from there, she told me he is constpated because I do not b___stfeed and that my problem is that he has a female doctor and I should change to a male like she had with her 6 children. It is getting harder and harder to ignore her, especially when my husband sits there silently!

 

pbj - June 11

While noone may be able to follow your instructions 100%, she should at least be able to put the formula away. If she was a ped nurse she should know. All babies are ga__sy regardless of the formula they're on. I don't think you should worry too much about the swing thing, many babies won't sleep in their crib and I don't blame her for not wanting to wake him, but he needs to be put in his pj's and fed. They do tend to get off their schedules when someone else is keeping them. Sometimes my dh and I would like to go out and my in-laws would happily watch dd, which I trust them totally, but I know I'll have to pay for it for a few days because she will be completely off. Mainly because noone else does exactly what I do, and it's totally impossible to do so. I hold her one way while my dh holds her a different; she is accustomed to me and how I put her to bed. It sucks, but unfortunately I think it's that way with many babysitters whether they're family or not.

 

krnj - June 11

Well I guess I did over react a bit. I do appreciate it that she babysits and lets us go out! It just seems like every time she watches him she does something to annoy me. Last time she gave him water which a 3 month old doesn't need. I think I was more upset about the formula thing than anything else! She also makes unnecessary comments about me not bf. Oh well thanks everyone for listening!

 

SarahB - June 11

OMG I totally know how you feel. Since DS has been born my MIL takes him every now and then and when she does she always does everything I dont want her to. She feeds him more than he needs, she changes his clothes when he spits up and then wets them under the sink and seals them in a ziploc bag. Anyone know what happens next when its hot out? His clothes get moldy thats what. She ruined a super cute Tommy Hilfiger outfit that way. Plus she talks to people about us and how shes watching Caleb again. I dont ask her to do it she calls and asks to take him so why would you complain about it. I think no one does things the way you want and I just let it slide. I dont want to start probs so I just try to limit how often I do let him go over there. Oh and by the way my MIL says I do everything wromg too. She even makes comments about whats in his diaper bag, his reflux, his formula, his diaper wipes whatever she feels like pointing out that day.

 

jas - June 12

I know this is a vent and I know how frustrating it can be... But if you want to stay sane you need to look at the positives and build on that. Being in Japan, I wish I had my MIL here to bother me. Or even my mother (who I get along with worse then my MIL)... I had them both with my first born who is now 11 yrs old. I thought I would pull out every hair in my head between the two of them offering advice and doing things totally against what I wanted. My 11 yr old turned out just fine, and yours will too. A day or two off schedule is a drop in the bucket in the big scheme of things and a year from now it won't matter. It will get better - just talk to her as best as you can and minimize what she can screw up when you guys go out. Pre-make the bottles so she won't leave out the formula. Go ahead and get him in his pj's before you leave and the advice? Keep what's good and b__w the rest out the other side of your head like you used to do when you were little - in one ear and out the other. Good luck!

 

Ang - June 12

I know exactly how you feel -- when I had to go to the hospital for an EMERGENCY (due to an inflammed galbladder which got me on the hospital for 2 d__n weeks) and my dh was out of town so (against my better judgement) called my mil to take my ds until he could get home -- or I could at least let him know what was going on. The next day, after I had arranged for a friend to take my ds from my mil, I found out that she had TAKEN HIM from my home without telling me to her house which reeks of smoke due to people who chain-smoke constantly indoors because she thought it was "too cold" at my house where we had the thermostat cranked constantly.($300 hydro bills to prove it! LOL) She wenbt through all of our things, including our bedroom when Gabriel has his own room, to "find him clothes" which I had left on his dresser with a note saying that was all he would need (there were several pairs). When she took him it was with the intent to keep him until my dj got back and didn't pack ANYTHING - not a diaper bag nothing. After my friend picked him up and brought to the hospital to see me she was feeding him and discovered that there was DIRT -- actual DIRT in his bottle! WTF?! To say nothing of how she added 1 scoop of formula to 6oz of water -- like the directions aren't on the side of the can!! Oh - she also fed him Cool Whip!! He was 3 months old! Aaaaahh!! Damn crazy people out there! LOL

 

HannahBaby - June 12

If you guys dislike your mother in laws that much THEN DONT LET THEM WATCH YOUR BABIES!! thats a thought huh.....

 

austinsmom - June 12

I am on this forum to support help and be supported and helped.......hannahbaby I have got to say that your last comment was anything but helpful......why did you post if you had nothing helpful to say? I have always lived by the rule "if you have nothing nice and helpful to say then do not say anything at all.........now do not get your tail feathers ruffled just look at how you can help your fellow mother with positive thoughts.......HI KRNJ I understand what a delicate position you are in.....I lost all but 3 members of my own family including my mom and I understand how differant it is to deal with in laws than how you would deal with your own family.....My husband is blessed with a large family and even his great grandparents on both sides are still living.......I consider myself blessed as well because they have been very good to me and supported me through very trying times.....because I care very much about them I do not want to alienate them either.....it is difficult to just say what you want to say to inlaws.....with your mother you can say mom I do not like this or that and yall can debate the situation and reach a conclusion but it is a lot harder with inlaws....you did not grow up with them and they think differantly......you worry about offending them or inadvertantly insulting them and lowering their opinion of you.....your own mom will love you no matter what but what about your mil? I have had the same problem as you have (even though I am enternally grateful for them watching ds in the first place) and I just vent and go past it......but things add up and pile up untill you really start getting aggravated and you gotta think the mil does'nt know cause you did'nt tell her and so nothing gets solved but everyone feels bad....mil cause she is not getting to see lo, you cause you are not getting opportunities for breaks, your hubby cause you vent to him and he doesnt know what to do about it.......maybe you can try this.....I wrote a note to mil and placed it in diaper bag about how I felt and how I cared so about her feelings that this was the only way I could study the words I would say and tell her what bothers you about her......invite her to do the same or to discuss your letter when she has had time to think about what you had to say....I have to say this really worked for me and hopefully this will help you cause I know she cares and you care and communication is ultimatly the most important thing to keep your relationship healthy.....good luck to you!!!!!

 

HannahBaby - June 12

I did give some advice (the first post on this thread) If these women are that upset than thats my advice, dont let em watch your kids, then you wont have the same problem, sorry if it came across badly

 

krnj - June 12

I did admit that I over reacted a bit. I was more upset about wasting the formula which is premade anyway. My mil sees my ds just about once a week which is not as often as my mom sees him. My mom is closer and I know that I can just go over there during the week when I need a change of scenery lol. I didn't mean for it to sound like she doesn't see him. I love my mil but I just feel like she doesn't listen to me. I don't want to start any problems with her and my dh won't say anything to her so I've been letting a lot of things slide. She is getting older so maybe that has something to do with it. I think she forgets how old her son is! lol Thanks for listening everyone!

 

HannahBaby - June 12

id be mad about the formual too :o)

 

bbm - June 12

Hey, do you all want to hear a good one???? My MIL sprinkles HOLY WATER on my baby's head when he's fussy. LOL She's good at helping though...let her be. She earned her stripes...or just stay away.

 

Annette - June 12

An the "she doesn´t listen to me" in my case is not limited to my MIL. Once I discovered my mom bought a box of baby supositories after my son didn´t have a bm for 2 days, even if I asked her in many different ways not to put anything in him. I guess, like everyone said, no one wll follow our instructions 100%.

 

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