Any Lonely Moms Out There Who Can Relate

21 Replies
evae777 - September 13

i'm down lately. my friends all have their own agenda since they don't have kids. when i was preggers it didn't seem like it would be like this, i was sure they would stick around since they were always hanging around me & we were like sisters. but now there is always something else they would rather do. the last time i had a friend visit me and interested in seeing my son was when he was 2 weeks old. he is 7 mths now. so unless i ditch the lo, then i am going solo! so i decided to cut them all out of my life & now feel like i dont have anyone but my hubby and my lo. i try to stay focused and grateful of that but i cant deny that there are days were i am really sad because my hubby can't fulfill all of my needs. that would be too much to ask for i think. we have no family nearby either. i joined moms groups but they are clickish and not very welcoming of a new mom. dont get me wrong they are nice, but they only hang out in their own separate groups. on top of it all, we have the neighbors from h__l who had no mercy on us when we first brought our baby home & went out of their way to make our lives difficult during a time where we were already struggling with adjusting with a newborn, but they are having a baby here within the next couple weeks so maybe Karma will be the cure for them. I just feel like i am a good person, a great friend, i'm generous yet genuine and easy to be around and very accomodating to other peoples needs yet i can't find anyone that can appreciate or see it. maybe being kind is not the way to go anymore. seems like people are attracted to what they don't need. for example, a mom friend of mine hangs out all the time with another mom and gets treated badly yet she would go out of her way to pursue that friendship instead of having a nice time with me and my lo. maybe there is seriously something wrong with me and i just cant see it. anyways thanks for reading and letting me vent...

 

wv_red - September 13

Hey evae, I know what you mean. i just want ou to know you are not alone. I have a 3 month old and it seems like once I had her I became the plague. I have just me and her , well dh but he is glued to a tv or computer most of the time. I also have no family here and it seems if i meet any new moms they too are clickish. I just figured I came off the wrong way or I am not good enough for them. You know, you would think it would be easy to meet people in a big town but I guess not. No you are not alone and as for your neighbors, I hope Karma does bite them in the b___t.

 

bubbasmom - September 13

I'm sorry you feel this way. I met some great friends at my mothers group when my oldest son was a baby. He is now 2.5 and I still hang out with the mothers I met. Maybe try becoming friends with the new mothers that join as they aren't in a click already (sound slike junior high, huh?). Or, try joining a music group or going to the library. I find most mothers love to talk and maybe you can get a friendship going. Good luck

 

britt_m - September 13

Wow, you said it perfectly. I'm right there with you. We've lived here almost 2 1/2 years and I've never had issues with friends before but now its just so different. I'm in San Diego, so talk about clickish, man these women are something else. I was military and had the most awesome friends and times but now that I'm a wife, even these groups are awful, neighbors are always changing. Our family is all east so there is nobody out here. I do get on the June babies forum just about everyday tho, they're some pretty good women! But I have no one here, no one to take care of my daughter when I deliver, no one to go out for a drink or just hang with. Not too mention I'm trying to get school done with but due to a million complications I don't know when that'll be. Even the ppl there are a group of their own. He will be deploying either Oct or sometime thru Jan so I'm trying to attend a few "military wife" things again : (. Ahh I feel much better getting that out.

 

Justine1 - September 14

I can definitely relate to the neighbours from hell bit - we have them too, they complained to the authorities (who of course didn't take it seriously) that our 1 year old and 2 year old make noise in the evening and its like yes thats what children do and they complain we use our backdoor and its like yes its our backdoor. The kids are only singing and playing and they are quieter than most kids. I always said I'll laugh when they have kids and discover they aren't silent - they just got married so I thought it'll be soon but it turns out they can't have kids. I think thats the problem and I feel sorry for them but they are so nasty and the guy says he hate kids. I think your neighbours will probably improve when baby arrives - if not you can get your own back complaining to them! I have a neighbour that lives close by with a baby and she has been a great friend, other than that I go to mother and toddler groups - it varies some are really friendly, others aren't. One thing I would suggest is if there's anyone (or more) person you'ld like to get to know more try inviting them round for a tea/coffee/cake or something. Hopefully when you get in with one Mum you can get in with a group - thats how it works here. I've found since I went back to work 3 days a week my friend can be cooler at times but now I work its not really an issue. Hope you find some friends and your neighbours improve.

 

evae777 - September 14

Justine, I swear Karma is a b****. When my dh and i were dating he would always complain about our previous neighbors that lived upstairs from us (they had a newborn and a 4 yr old that would run around). I told dh that one of these days when he has a baby, it will be his turn to have others make his life hell. So this is our turn. Our neighbors party and smoke and are obnoxiously loud, they know it too, but the more we ask them nicely (since it is keeping our son from being able to sleep), the more they do it. You would think that if they are having their baby here soon that they would understand, but i think until they actually bring their baby home and truly experience the pain of being really exhausted and yet still having to tiptoe around their lo (since sometimes it is a miracle to get them to sleep), until then they truly do not know what parenthood is and how rough it can be so they have no compa__sion. they both are born and raised here in san francisco and they are arrogant and act really "cool" and think they are above others since they have a lot of friends. Their friends are mostly single too, so we'll see how cool they are when their best buds don't come around much after they have that baby. wv_red and bubbasmom, I actually had a few nice moms that I met that I really liked. One moved away- ended up in Idaho and the other one is here but her husband makes a high income so she seems to like to hang out with her other high income mom friends and doesn't call me unless she has nothing else to do. The one in Idaho, I flew out to visit her, that is how much I wanted to continue and pursue friendship her, but once I got there she acted weird and moody & did not have an ounce of the excitement she had when she was inviting me over! I wonder why people do that?? They get all stoked to see you, the invitation is grand, but when the day came and I was picked up from the airport, she just ignored me and acted distant most of the time. I even cooked them meals while I was there, that was how much I tried to help out to get her in better spirits, but it was as if I had to work my b___t off to get her in a decent mood. And she actually asked me if I would cook one night while I was there, so I thought that was rude, but I ended up just cooking every night just to earn my keep since she was so ackward and cranky. I could tell she just took advantage of the fact that I was a generous and low maintenance guest. A thank you would've sufficed, but she was so low cla__s that the night before I left she gets tiffed at her dh over something really dumb and she disappears into her bedroom after dinner, didn't say a word to me, had her dh tell me goodnight & I didnt' see her again until the morning when she took me to the airport! Britt_M: I used to live in San Diego and it took me a long time to make friends there, I felt like the day I left to move to San Francisco I had finally made some good friends and then i had to leave. what area do you live in? thanks for responding ladies, I am making peace with this mom's friends thing. It is easier sometimes to just enjoy the day with my son then to even try to make plans with people. I swear they are all "so busy" out here, they have to mark and check things off their calendar before you can get on the list. it's funny really when I think about it - so pretentious!

 

reneenay - September 15

Hi evae777, I feel the way you do. All of my closest friends are in a totally different place in their lives than me. I'm married with a baby and they are single. I basically never see them...we just catch up over the phone. What's worse is that my DH has this group of guy friends and their wives all have babies, but we are new to the area and they have all been clicky for a long time. They haven't been welcoming to me either. So I totally know the feeling! They just won't let me in. I feel like I'm a nice person too and have a lot to offer...but they just aren't good conversationalists and definitely don't go out of their way to include me. Too bad I used to live in San Francisco. I was there for 7 years and just left around 2 years ago. I live in Fresno now. We could have made our own Mommy group!

 

sarah21 - September 15

I know how you feel except I have my mom nearby. I get very lonely. I know people with kids but, like you said, they would rather hang out with other people who have kids, not me. It doesn't help that we only have one car and DH is gone each day at work and finishing up his degree. So I feel trapped. A good friend of mine would visit a lot more often but her 1 year old daughter just got a liver transplant and can't be around anyone for several more months. So we talk on the phone every now and then but I always seem to catch her when she's at work. Too bad you don't live in Texas-- I'd be your friend! I'm pretty low-maintenance, too. :) Anyway this is a really big site and maybe you'll find someone in your area from here. If not, I hope you get some good friends sent your way, maybe another new mom will join a mom's group and you'll hit it off. Good luck! Oh and I hope your neighbors get a colicky baby to make them feel terrible about their behavior.

 

evae777 - September 15

what area in texas do you live sarah? my dh just went to look at some homes in forth worth area since his work is opening an office there they are trying to get him to relocate. he was only there for a few days and didn't get around much but it seemed liked he wasn't that interested in it. maybe he just needed to see more of it to see what it has to offer...reneenay why did you leave san francisco? do you like it in fresno? i remember that there is another mom on here that lives in fresno too!

 

sarah21 - September 15

Evae I live in the Fort Hood area, about 80 miles north of Austin. I am not a huge fan of Ft. Worth, either. DH and I are planning on moving to Austin next Spring after he finishes his degree. He is majoring in computer science and there are lots of openings in Austin. We love the area. Very reasonable cost of living and well-paying jobs, lots to do, great shopping, and beautiful parks. I am a California native (So. Cal in the LA area) and DH is an Oregon native and we'd love to move to Oregon it's just way too expensive.

 

wv_red - September 15

evae I live in Arlington, Tx so if oyur ever wanting to hang just holler :)

 

wv_red - September 15

lol ok wow i just read your post all the way... well if you ever do move to Fort Worth i am right down the road so at least you will know one person.

 

reneenay - September 16

Hi evae777. My DH and I grew up in Fresno and moved together to SF. He went to law school there and I finished up my degree at SF State. My DH ended up getting a job there so we stayed a while. When we decided to start a family, we moved back to Fresno where my parents are. My DH also wanted to change jobs. So, here we are! I miss SF though. Fresno will always be home but I definitly miss a lot of things about SF. We have family there and visit a lot, so if you ever want to meet up, I'm game. My SIL lives there and is about to have a baby any week now too. I hope you can meet some good friends soon. I'm glad I read your post because I was feeling down about the same exact thing. Now I don't feel so alone. Thanks!

 

reneenay - September 16

Oh, and if you happen to remember the name of who is on here from Fresno, I would love to know.

 

evae777 - September 16

wv red how far is arlington from forth worth?? do you guys recommend living there at all? it is such a big change it seems from where we live now, i have been trying to find the good in forth worth just because we are so desperate to own a home since the cost of living is reasonable there. reneenay, i looked back to find the name of the mom that lives in fresno but i just cannot remember! I bet if you ask on a new thread that you will find her. she seems really nice too. how often do you come to sf? i really love it here, if we move i will be bummed. i would love to stay but there is no way we can afford a home. homes that are in the lower range of 600K- 700K that we looked at were just so run down. there is no way we could buy a million dollar home, and some of those are c___ppy too! i cant believe it, but you get what you paid for, sf is definitely beautiful with great weather and tons of food and activities. i am game to meet up if you get bored and are in the area. how old is your lo? I only have one 7 mth old son.

 

wv_red - September 16

Hi Evae, look in the Arlington area. Its is maybe a 20 minute commute to downtown Fort Worth with the 7 am traffic. It isnt that far at all and you can get more house for your money. Just tell the realtor you want to look in the Martin School district and that should open up some nice homes esp for that price. My little girl is 3.5 months old and she is my only :) Let me know how it goes! I think you will like Arlington a ton more then Fort Worth. I do. Its just nicer.

 

jenna32 - September 17

you know the saying "nice guys finish last?" well it's probably true for most women as well. just keep trying, i know you will find someone as wonderful as yourself :).

 

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