Anyone Else Feel Like Friends Just Don T Understand

13 Replies
Mommy_to_be - March 5

I'm a young (21) mom of one. Very few of my friends have children - none of my close ones. My fiance works a lot and is in school full time trying to finish his degree. I take care of our daughter alone when he's not around and I'm taking a Microbiology class (-kicking my butt) to finish up my RN degree. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying being a mom is totally engulfing - I still do my hair and makeup every day, go out with my fiance, and get some personal things done for myself - but there are TIMES when Kylie's sick and I don't want to bring her out in the freezing cold to go to starbucks, or she's fussy and I don't feel like having an hour long convo on the phone about drama...etc. I try to do as much as I can to be a good friend after being a good mom, fiance, and student, but my friends seem to take it personally when we don't talk for a couple weeks....what should I do so that my friends don't drift away?!? Anyone else feel this way?

 

AlissaF - March 5

My friends don't understand, but in a different way. I take my little guy everywhere with me. Problem is that one particular group of friends always makes plans that sounds great and fun, but then they tell me that I can't go unless I get a babysitter. They think that a baby should stay home all the time. And since I refuse to leave Sage with a sitter just so I can go bowling for 2 hours or so I can go out to dinner, I often end up staying at home by myself (with lo). The great thing is that two of them are pregnant and I am waiting for them to have thier babies and realize "wow... life gets boring at home!"

 

BusyBee - March 5

Mommy_to_be, I have a friend that just doesn't get it either. She is the type of person that wants your full attention when you're on the phone with her. Sorry, that just can't happen when I am also responsible for my ds. Also, I think she's kind of disappointed when I end the phone call after about half an hour. I still want to maintain the friendship, so she just has to understand that I can't just get rid of my child whenever she wants my attention. You will find that it won't be long before a lot of your friends enter into the same stage of life you are in now.

 

austinsmom - March 5

I have to say that I worry about the same thing sometimes. I want to a__sure you that your age matters not one whit cause I am 30 going on 31 and while you might think I should'nt have this problem ....I do. I have about 4 really close friends and they are my age and though they love my lo I find I get left out of things alot. They know I go nowhere without him and they do not understand yet cause they do not have a child. What did I do to try and make sure they did not drift away? Well I talked to my hubby and told him that is was important that I have female time because as much as I love him I still need female companionship and conversations. I explained this to him and told him that once and a while I will want him to watch lo so I can have girl time (I do this for him all the time) and any other time then I try to come up with things the girls and I can do with austin that we will all enjoy and it has so far worked out. Your friends will have to understand that you cannot do like you used to and if they are real friends they will take what they can get and appreciate the time yall do have together........oh and I do try to speak to every girl at least once a week and they come visit alot.........it is not exactly the same but we have developed a good arrangement. My lo loves his aunties as well......

 

LisaB - March 5

The answer to your question does anyone feel like their friends dont get it is they dont! How could they I think back before I had my ds and the friends I had with kids wow was I clueless about them keeping up shcedules and not wanting to leave the house I could go on forever. I dont think you ever "know" until you have kids. I have lost a few friends and have gained a few through having kids its sad and tough but worth it. I lost a few friends when I get married (i married young out of my friends at 26 crazy huh) anyway I am now 32 and most of my friends are now married and starting on kids so it is coming full circle. Do your best and let your friends know you love em and care about them then devote certain time to them if that isn't enough thats too bad. I feel yah!

 

Mommy_to_be - March 5

Thanks...I was glad I didn't get the response: well if they don't understand they're not really friends! B/c they are...they're just clueless about eating/bedtime routines...etc

 

flower.momma - March 5

I am alos 21 and had to "dump" a few friends because honestly, I don't have time for relationships that aren't mutually fulfilling. I was finding that our converstations were getting weird, and we were really just talking at each other, instead of talking to each other. It would be like "Oh, Poppy just started solids." and they would say "Oh.... neat. There is the really hot guy in my sociology cla__s. I met him at a party the other day and I got soooooooooo drunk." Different languages. It was too much work for a new mom.

 

Smilefull - March 5

mommy to be---I feel you girl! There seems to be an adjustment period. I think when you have a babe your mindset shifts, and unfortunately those friends around us who don't have kids haven't gone through that yet. Priorities are very different. Flower.momma--ha! "don't have time for relationships that aren't mutually fulfilling" is such a beautiful way to state it.

 

aurorabunny - March 5

I will ditto what Flower Momma said. Once you are a mother, it's almost different languages....I am 22 and have cut ties with a few friends due to the fact that we just have nothing in common any longer. I have luckily been able to make friends with some mothers older then me, but we have more in common than my friends that are my age and I do. I understand what you're saying.

 

EricaG - March 5

My situation was just like flower.momma's. There's just two different languages! I'm 20, married with a baby and my best friend from high school is at college. We used to be SO close but now, on the few occa__sions that we talk on the phone, it goes kind of like this: Me: "Well, we're all doing ok, Abby's teething though so It's been kind of rough lately." Erin: "Yeah.... I pa__sed out in the maintenance closet in the dorms last night. My friends just let me sleep there."

 

k.p.j.e. - March 6

Lmao Erica G! Anyway I agree with all of you I have so little in common with my friends now, only one of them has a kid and that's the only i talk on a regular basis, my best friend for over 15 years is 100% clueless about the stuff I deal with day to day. She acts like I'm being rude by not talking to her for weeks, but truthfully I don't even notice that I haven't called!!!

 

LollyM - March 6

I know what you mean. I have friends who invite me to parties and to movies and things like that. I am married, so I would prefer to go to parties WITH dh incase I get hit on lol. I would be upset if he went without me! I have never tried to take lo to a movie, but I'm sure it would end badly! I just explain to my friends what things are like, and they are disappointed sometimes, but they try their best to understand where I'm coming from =)

 

apr - March 6

I am 21 too. I think thatonce I moved into the motherhood stage, I just became friendlier with friends who are mums too. Yes, we talk on the phone, and meet on occasion, but it's not the same thing anymore... I just have more in common with other mothers who are around the schedule as I am...

 

hello - March 6

Sadly it does change and those that dont have kids dont get it but it doesnt have to change dramatically....My daughter is my life and it is so easy to just talk about her but i remember when i didn't have kids how all the women who talked about their kids all day at work would bore me, annoy me etc....I try to remember i was who i was before my daughter and i like my conversations to revolve around more than her, its a big world out there and i try my hardest not to be the mums that used to annoy me so much... yeah i talk about my kids, their kids etc....... Yet i also make sure my conversations are about other stuff too.......Some people really forget themselves when they have kids and that can be a problem also....My friends that dont have kids have no idea about sleeping ....routines etc etc.... Mommy to be ...... what u are going thru happens at all ages to most people i think, its happening to me and i am 36.... hope things get better soon......

 

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